Something Transitory
by MiMiMargot
Summary: "In my experience, happiness never lasts. It's only an illusion, something transitory, a thing that breaks too easily if you try to grip it." Sulu has been in love with Margot since forever - but she has no clue! But things are about to change, as Margot gets a post at the Enterprise, and brings all kinds of trouble with her. Please, please review! All feedback is appreciated.
1. Prologue

**This is an old story, that I first wrote back in 2009, and now I'm rewriting it and translating it to English.**

 **As it was written a lot before the latest Star Trek film, Sulu isn't gay in this story. If you're looking for a gay fanfic of Sulu, this story isn't for you - but luckily there are other ones. :) I hope you enjoy my interpretation of Sulu's lovelife, and please leave reviews.**

* * *

 _ **10 years ago:**_

 _Margot lay on the bed on her stomach, wearing only her panties and a T shirt, one of his, that he had tossed her the night before. Her skin was ivory pale, and her face was partly covered by her red curls. The first morning light entered the room from between the curtains, and made her hair look like a halo of fire._

 _Her calm breathing told Sulu she was sleeping. He thought of getting up from the armchair, where he had spent the night, to cover her half naked form with a blanket, but then didn't for he didn't want to disturb her sleep._

 _She could use the rest after last night. Sulu's heart sank as he thought about it. She had been high on the kinds of drugs he didn't even want to know existed. It twisted his heart to remember how she had looked, when he had dragged her out of that place. Her eyes all foggy, her beautiful swan like neck full of red marks, made by God knew whose lips._

 _He pushed the thought away, it did no good to dwell on things you could not change. Instead he let his gaze follow Margot's figure on the bed, and her beauty was almost more than he could take._

 _He loved the way she looked there, all innocent and fragile. Like she had, when he had first seen her, when they had been no more than kids. But everything was different now. Sleeping in the same bed with her wasn't an option anymore, even if she had desperately begged for him to hold her last night._

 _It had taken all he had to tuck her in his bed, and not join her between the sheets, but he had promised himself he wouldn't touch her. Not before she wanted him like he wanted her. Even if that would never happen, which was probable._

 _There was a silent knock on the door, that interrupted Sulu's thoughts. The door opened, and his mother peaked in._

 _"So, you found her?" she whispered, not to wake her up._

 _He gave a small nod._

 _"The breakfast is ready, come and eat, Hikaru."_

 _"Sure, Mom." he replied silently, and got up from the chair. His joints felt stiff, after sleeping in the chair, and he stretched his muscles as he stood up and followed his mother to the kitchen._

 _A few minutes later he was sitting on the breakfast table, eating some noodle soup and toast. Her mother sat opposite to him, sipping some green tea._

 _"So, are you ever going to tell her?"_

 _He didn't try to deny it, there was no point. Mom had known from the day one, that he had fell for Margot. But she should also know, that it was none of her business, Sulu thought annoyed._

 _"I'm not. It would do no good."_

 _"Then you should try to get over her. There are other girls in this world, you know. Good girls. You are only 16 years old, Hikaru."_

 _More tea, more noodles. He took his time before he answered._

 _"Mom, please."_

 _"I'm just worried, that's all. I have every right to be, I am your mother."_

 _"And hers, after a fashion."_

 _"Yes, I love her like a daughter, you know that. But lately I have begun to wonder if my love is lost on her. Perhaps she cannot be saved, Hikaru, no matter how hard we try."_

 _"Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn't mean they are lost forever, mother. Everyone can be saved, but I am not trying to save the whole world - just her."_

 _She sighed, resigned. Her eyes were sad as she looked up to his, and asked: "Where did you dig her up last night?"_

 _"You don't want to know." he replied grimly._

 _"Perhaps I don't. It might be better though, that you would not try to find her every time she gets into trouble. How is she ever going to learn how to stand on her own two feet, if you keep saving her all the time?"_

 _"She knows well enough how to take care of herself." Sulu stated. "I just don't like the ways she does that."_

 _The words brought a bitter taste into his mouth, and suddenly he didn't want to have his noodles anymore. He knew well enough what were the ways Margot used to take care of herself on the dark alleys that called her on nights. Living under the same roof with Margot for the past two years, had been enough to rip off every inch of his boyish innocence._


	2. I'm not a slut, I just love love

"Lieutenant Margot de la Faye, reporting for duty."

Hikaru Sulu turned around on his pilot's chair.

He would have recognized that voice anywhere - and still it made his heart skip a beat. He couldn't believe it at first, but here she was - Margot, as breathtakingly beautiful as ever.

Her red curls were shorter now, than he remembered, but otherwise she looked just the same. Her slender form, no more than 5 feet 2 inches tall, was just as curvy and feminine as in his memories. She still looked tiny, and very young - even if she was wearing a blue uniform now - , and a strong desire to protect her washed over him.

An old habit, that one. He'd really have to learn how to let go.

"Welcome to the Enterprise, Lieutenant De la Faye." Captain Kirk got to his feet and gave her a bit too welcoming smile. "You are our new xenobiologist, right?"

"Yes, Sir!" she said. "It is a great pleasure - and an honor - to be here."

"The pleasure is all mine, Lieutenant."

Yup, that was Margot. Sulu's heart sank when he looked at Kirk and Margot's exchange of words. She was the same, alright, the charmer of men - though he knew some people called her worse than that.

Sulu closed his eyes for a moment, to regain his balance.

Nothing was ever going to happen between them, not now, not ever, and he knew it well enough.

"Captain Kirk, you mind if I borrow one of your officers for a moment?" Margot purred, and gave Kirk a smile that would have left a lesser man speachless.

"Which one of them, may I ask, and for what purpose?" Kirk raised his eyebrow.

"I mean Mr. Sulu." And finally she looked at him. Suddenly he felt this agonizing, blissful, fear in his stomach. He could not take his eyes off her, not even for a moment, for her eyes smiled for him now, and by God, he had missed that sight.

"We have a few things to discuss," Margot continued. "And I'd ask that he would show me around the Enterprise. I'd like to get my hands at work as soon as possible, and for that I need to find the science lab."

"Are you sure you do not want me to go to Guide You, Lieutenant?"

"Isn't Captain's place on the bridge, and not guiding newcomers?" Margot flirtatious tone cut the edge of her words. "I am sure that we have time to explore later, yes, Captain?"

"As you wish, De la Faye. Mr. Sulu, will you guide our biologist? Apparently, you two know each other already?"

"Yes, Sir, I'd be happy to." Sulu could not help but to smile. He didn't look at Kirk, as his gaze stayed in Margot, her green eyes, her pale skin, the fiery red of her hair. She smiled at him, raised her petite hand for a wave, and giggled.

For that brief, fading a moment, he felt like the happiest man in the world.

As soon as they had left the bridge, and the door closed behind them making a hiss, she plummeted to his neck, wrapping her frail arms tightly around him.

"Hikaru Sulu! It's been an eternity! I've missed you like crazy!"

Sulu pressed Margot's slender form against his chest, and inhaled her familiar scent of roses and green tea. He felt the magnitude of his yearning as a pain cutting through his chest, and he had to control himself not to squeeze her too hard.

"And I've missed you, friend."

"So, you are surprised?" Margot withdrew from his arms, and grinned widely. "I didn't want to tell you anything in advance."

"Being surprised is too mild a way to describe my feelings. What on Earth are you doing here?"

"Well, I heard some time ago that the Enterprise was hiring a xenobiologist, and who wouldn't want to come here? I was bored to death at USS Raven anyways, so, I wanted out of there, and this place just called to me. Besides, I wanted to see you."

Sulu's heart melted. "Me? Why?"

"Do you really have to ask?" her face was suddenly serious. "You are my best friend, I do not know what I'd do without you. And after what happened to so many of our friends, because of Nero... I was afraid that I would never see you again. I've heard all too accurate descriptions of you jumping from a shuttle with nothing more than a parachute to some ridiculously small drill! If you ever plan to do anything as dangerous and plain ass stupid again, at least I want to be there to cover you."

"I only did what any other officer would have done."

"No need to be so humble. You volunteered, or so I heard."

"I do have combat training, as you know." Sulu smiled.

"I know, which reminds me, now that we're both here, we have to start working out together. After all, the facilities must be great here, right?"

"Sure. Let me show them to you later..."

Training combat skills with Margot. The thought was enough to make Sulu's blood hot again. He remembered all too vividly how she looked in a tight sports outfit, how her cheeks lit up, how her slender body felt against his as he pressed her down to the training mat.

It did no good to think about that, he sighed to himself, and decided to change the subject. "Hey, who told you about that jump from the shuttle anyway?"

Margot laughed. "I do have other friends too, you know. People love to gossip."

"You could have just called me, Margot. I haven't heard from you in an eternity. I was worried." Sulu's words had a slight tone of blame in them, and he didn't even try to hide it.

"You never would have told me about it yourself! And besides, I told you already, I didn't want you to know about me coming here. Had I called you, I would not have been able to keep this a secret, and the surprise would have been ruined"

"Alright, it does not matter anyways. What does matter, is the fact that you're here now. It is truly wonderful to see you again." Sulu took her small hands into his, and held them like he never wanted to let go.

"Look, I have a few questions for you ..." Margot smirked at Sulu.

"What do you want to know?"

"You know, Captain Kirk ..." Margot's smile widened even further and her eyes had that wicked look he loved. "He seems interesting. Is he a good Captain?"

"Yes, the best. And a good friend."

"He's young to get a title of a Captain. And such a ship."

Sulu nodded. "You've probably heard how he deserved it."

"We all have heard of the great Captain Kirk's heroic deeds against Nero, I don't think there is a person left in the universe who hasn't. But I'm telling you: you jumped with him down from the shuttle, only a parachute on your back ... Maybe one day you too have a ship like this?"

Sulu laughed. "Well, not this one. I have no desire to start a rebellion against Kirk. He is an excellent captain, much better than I would be."

"And damn good looking. No more the annoying brat he was at the Academy." Margot stated. "Do you know whether he is seeing anyone at the moment...?"

Yeah, she hadn't changed. Sulu felt like he'd been hit, but he did the best he could to hide it.

"Probably about a dozen. You do not know about his reputation?"

"Sure. I don't mind it, it's not like my reputation is any better." she gave a wicked laugh. "I just don't want to step on anyone's toes, if you know what I mean."

Sulu knew, even if he hoped he didn't. Suddenly his mind filled up with images of Margot's naked form pressing against Kirk's muscular body, sweaty, wrapping her thighs around his hips... It took a few moments before he managed to get his feelings under control.

"He doesn't have any serious relationship, not that I know of. Probably all the women of Enterprise who want to be with him, have already done so. So, you are going to join the legion?"

"Perhaps." Margot winked an eye. "Space is a cold and lonely place, right? I have to look for warmth wherever it is available."

Sulu did not respond.

There was nothing new in this, he had seen it all a thousand times before, but still the jealousy stang his heart and brought a bitter taste to his lips. He tried to push it away, and leading Margot down the hallway to show her around the ship, he almost managed to do that. Her constant prattling made him feel like home, the way she took his and smiled at him made his heart melt.

Oh, it was so good to be with her! And he knew, that he was ready to take any amount of jealousy, just to be able to see her face again.


	3. But you died!

"Lieutenant Margot de la Faye, here for the compulsory check up" she stated as she stepped into the sickbay.

There was a tall, dark haired woman on duty, a figure she recognized in a heartbeat, and now it was her turn to be surprised.

"Skylar! I can't believe it's you!" she laughed as she found her words. Her academy roommate and the best girl pal she'd ever had, was ogling at her, as if she didn't believe her own eyes.

"But… but, I thought you died!" Skylar spluttered. "3 years ago!"

Margot was confused. Yes, Skylar was weird - she had always been, but this was plain rude. She gave her long lost friend an accusing gaze.

"If that's your way of saying I haven't been keeping in touch, well, let me just say to you that friendship works both ways! You haven't been calling me, either. But I'm prepared to forgive you for that. Here we are, both on Enterprise – the flagship of the fleet! Who'd have thought? Isn't it everything we always dreamed about?"

But Skylar still didn't answer, just stared at her, pale faced, like she'd seen a ghost. A weird feeling filled Margot's heart - like someone had just walked over her grave.

"Skylar? Are you alright?" she finally asked, her voice all serious now.

"I'm fine," Skylar replied. "But hey, tell me, did you ever go to the Tursan moons, as you talked?"

Margot made a face. She was pretty sure Skylar was hiding something from her, but she decided to let it pass for now.

"Don't remind me of that fiasco!" she said. "I almost got killed on that one. If it hadn't been for our security chief, a Enosian named Morano, I would have been."

"You don't say." Skylar replied flatly. "Yes, about not having called, I'm sorry about that. I can't even remember what we argued about!"

"I stole your boyfriend," Margot said helpfully. "Or at least borrowed him. Something I am truly sorry by the way. I never would have slept with him, had I know you two were dating!"

"You know what? It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I got angry about such a stupid thing." Skylar said. "It's not your fault I didn't tell you about me and… Dear god! I can't even remember his name!"

Margot laughed, her heart suddenly light. "Neither can I! But I do remember he was lousy in bed, so probably I saved you from the worst sex of your life. I cannot believe we let that creep broke our friendship: it was so not worth it."

"Agreed. I haven't missed him once, but I have missed you, Margot."

"As have I. The space is a God Damn lonely and miserable place without you." Margot smiled, and took Skylar's hands on her owns. "But hey, look at you! A full doctor. I knew you'd make it, you always were the smart one."

"I'm still only a lieutenant." Skylar reminded her. "But Bones says he thinks I've got potential."

"Bones?"

"Oh, sorry, our senior physician and my boss. His real name is Leonard McCoy."

"But you call him Bones?" Margot said, rising an eyebrow. "Is it my imagination, or is there something in the air?"

"Maybe" Skylar said. "It's probably your perfume. I could smell it from the hallway before you even stepped in."

"Hey!" Margot protested, but she could not help but to laugh. "Don't try to change the subject! You and 'Bones', eh? Is he single? Good-looking?"

"Yes. And yes, unfortunately" Skylar said.

Margot felt her curiosity rising. "Why unfortunately? If you like him…"

"It's not that simple" Skylar shook her head.

"It is", Margot claimed, and for her, it usually was. Or so she wanted everybody to believe.

"Look, a lot has happened recently", Skylar said. "A lot I'm not yet prepared to talk about with anyone. So please just believe me when I say it's great to see you and I wish we can be friends again. I've missed you."

"Skylar," Margot said, becoming serious again. "We've always been friends. These past few years were simply a misunderstanding. But we're ok now. Right?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"And I'm really sorry, you know that, right?"

"About what?"

"About your boyfriend, whatever his name was." Margot said. "I honestly didn't know he was yours!"

"Ah, It's really fine." Skylar assured her, and Margot new it really was. "Now, about that check up?"

Margot grimaced. "I kinda hoped you'd forget that."

She really, really didn't like medical checks. She was always worried that the sins of her past would somehow show up. But then again, if someone should find about them, it was definitely Skylar, and not this Bones fellow. She was not prepared to trust anyone called Bones.

"Let's get on with it, then." She resigned, after Skylar gave her a stern look. "I want to get gossiping more about this Bones!"

"Just don't go on about me with him when he's present." Skylar warned her. "As far as he's concerned, there's nothing, nor will there ever be anything between us."

"Aww, come on! You call this gossiping? You're no fun!" Margot stated, but Skylar simply rolled her eyes at her.

"Imagine my surprise that you'd think so."

"You sound like a Vulcan." Margot accused.

"Good. Means I'm doing something right. Now get on the biobed, I need to get your readings."

"Yes, ma'am."

"And don't ma'am me!"

"Yes, lieutenant!"

"Why don't you try 'doctor'?" Skylar suggested, "It has such a nice ring to it."

"Sure thing, doc!"

Skylar gave a very long sigh, and looked at Margot on a way that made her almost ashamed. Almost.

"You haven't changed at all, have you?"

"Well, should I have?" Margot grinned.


	4. What is it about elevators?

"Good evening, Captain."

"Good evening, Lieutenant." Kirk nodded. The woman who had stepped into the turbolift, was their newest recruit, he noticed. The xenobiologist from USS Raven, if he remembered correctly.

"Margot de la Faey, yes?" he asked. "That's a pretty name."

Kirk noticed, that it wasn't just the name that was pretty. The new lieutenant was a damn good looking woman. She was short, a lot shorter than he was, but her petite frame was feminine and slender. Her hair was flaming red, her skin porcelain white, and on her cheeks and nose was a group of freckles. There was a flirty sparkle in her green cat like eyes, that caught Kirk's attention. He glanced at her boobs - small, but nicely shaped - and let his gaze wander down, on her tiny waist and eventually to the pair of excellent legs that her short skirt revealed.

He checked out her breasts again - her nipples showed through the fabric, as if she wasn't wearing any bra - oh, that was teasing! - but he didn't want to stare long enough to be certain.

Kirk cleared his throat and tried to return to the conversation.

"So, de la Faye? Is that a French name?"

"Yeah, it is. My mother was from France, but I was born in San Francisco."

Kirk nodded. "Yes, you are a friend of Sulu's, right?"

"Yeah, we've known eachother since we were kids." She smiled broadly. "He was one of the reasons I wanted to come to Enterprise, to be honest. You are the other one."

"I'm sorry?" Kirk chuckled, amused. "How so?"

"Let's just say that the word of your 'abilities' goes around."

Margot was clearly flirting, and Kirk returned the favor.

"So, what do they say about me?"

"The obvious." She shrugged. "That you're unbearably handsome ... and somewhat annoying."

Kirk laughed. "Alright. But what is your opinion of me?"

"I have to say, that I am slightly disappointed."

Kirk was surprised, almost offended. "Disappointed? How come?"

"I've been here for almost two days, and you still haven't made a move on me."

Margot wasn't even trying to hide that she was checking out his body, and Kirk saw all the signs of interest in her gaze, and in her smile. This was almost too good to be true! Kirk could not help but laugh out loud.

"You do go straight to business!"

"Do you mind? I can play hard to get, if that excites you."

"There is no need ... I can assure you that I am already excited enough."

That was the truth. There was a hot, aching sensation in his groin, and he felt very uncomfortable in his pants, as his erection pressed against the fabric. He stepped to Margot and pushed her against the wall, almost violently, and her lips were on his own in a heartbeat. But after only a few seconds, she pushed him away.

"My place, or yours?"

She gave him a shameless, wicked grin, and placed her hands on the waistband of his trousers.

Kirk made a hoarse chuckle. He stretched out his hand to press a button that stopped the lift between the floors. "This place seems fine to me"

"I like your attitude, Captain Kirk."

Kirk did not answer, but leaned to kiss Margot again. Her lips were heavenly, eagerly they opened to welcome his kiss. Kirk felt the hot throb of lust in his veins, as he let his hand caress her chest, her abdomen... He pressed his lips to the skin of her neck and moved his hands under the skirt of her uniform - only to discover that she had no underwear.

"Speaking of attitude." He grinned, and felt how Margot laughed as she pulled him to another kiss.

Her delicate fingers quickly opened the buttons of his pants, pulled down his trousers and his underwear, and then Kirk felt her fingers gripping his shaft, that was already hard.

"Oh, fuck…!" He moaned, as she placed her palm on the head of his cock, and rubbed it gently. Encouraged by his reaction, she gripped her fingers around it, and began to pump him with just the right amount of pressure and. Her delicate fingers moved swiftly on the whole length of his member, and he had hard time keeping his head in the game.

God, that woman knew what she was doing!

Panting now, Kirk grabbed her onto his arms, and pushed her slender frame against the wall. She let go of his shaft, and wrapped her thighs around his hips, pulling him closer. Kirk groaned, as he felt his erection pressing against her crotch. He kissed her hard, opening her lips with his, letting his tongue find hers. Her mouth tasted like salt and sex, and it drove Kirk nuts.

He just couldn't wait any longer. Fiercely he thrusted deep inside of her, his hard and strong erection cutting through her. He felt she was ready, but still she gasped of pain as he entered her. Kirk forced himself to take it easy, to calm down. Slowly he pulled back, and then pushed back inside, gently, kissing her the same time, repeating the same a few times.

"Oh, Captain!" she moaned, and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was trembling now in his arms. "Ah! Faster, please!"

"You like it rough?" he breathed into her ear.

"God, yes…" she panted. "Just fuck me, Jim, we don't have all night."

Kirk groaned, and did as he was told. With force he thrusted his cock deep inside of her, pinning her body against the wall. She made a small scream, that turned him on even more, and he continued to move, fastening his pace.

He wouldn't last long like this, he knew - but luckily it seemed that she wasn't expecting that of him. The gasps that escaped from her lips every time he sliced her with his shaft, were definitely of pleasure, and she pressed her heels on his ass, pulling him even deeper.

"You can- Ah!" she gasped, hardly able to speak now. "- come. Just come, Jim!"

That pushed him off the edge.

"Fuck!" he groaned, and came into her with force, the orgasm so fierce that he almost blacked out of euphoria.

It took a moment, before he regained his balance.

Kirk's heart still beat like a bass drum, and his breathing was fast, as he leaned his forehead to the wall, still holding her in his arms.

Margot laughed and he felt her laughter in his member, that was still deep inside of her.

"That was fun, Jim." she placed a small, gentle kiss on his lips. "A bit fast, though."

Kirk pulled out, and let Margot get her feet on the floor.

"Too fast?" he asked and winced.

"Just perfect." Margot stated as she tried to straighten her badly wrinkled - and stained - skirt. "I'm sure that someone's already on their way to save us poor things from the jammed lift."

Kirk nodded, he had thought about it himself. The last thing he needed was Scotty opening the door and finding him like this. Quickly he pulled up his pants as Margot already pushed the button that jerked the elevator to move again. He noticed that she was smiling, purring like a cat, but now that the heat was leaving his veins, he couldn't help but to feel a bit disappointed in himself.

He had been too fast, he knew - she hadn't come. He could do so much better. The thought brought a bitter taste to his mouth.

However, there was no time to say anything about it, as just a few seconds later the turbo lift reached it's destination and the doors opened. Margot placed a quick kiss on his cheek as she walked past him to leave.

"That was nice, Captain Kirk." She purred. "Would you like for me to stop by your quarters later on, to finish what we started?"

Kirk grinned. "I insist, Lieutenat."

Margot winked and stepped out of the elevator, her hips swinging.


	5. Me and my girlfriend

_"All I need in this life of sin is me and my girlfriend_  
 _Down to ride till the happy end, is me and my girlfriend_

 _Where would you be, be without me_  
 _We'll never find out_  
 _What would I do, do without you_  
 _We'll never know now"_

 _ _\- Icona Pop__

* * *

"Good morning!"

Margot stepped to the sickbay, giving Skylar a particularly cheerful grin. She had the same, smug smile, the same high headed look on her eyes, that Skylar remembered all too well from their academy days. She sighed and gave her friend a disapproving gaze.

"Margot, you didn't."

"What? Still trying to be a moral police?" Margot grimaced. "That's terribly hypocrite of you, you know - when you're all over Bones, all day long."

"That's totally different."

"It doesn't have to be" Margot sated. "The man is willing, I can tell. All you have to do is say, that you want him, and-"

"And that's exactly why I'm not going to say anything about it."

Margot rolled her eyes, and moved to the more interesting topic.

"So, wanna guess who I did it with?"

"You really managed to get someone in your bed already? In two days?"

"I'm surprised that it took so long." Margot gave a wicked grin. "From what I had heard of his reputation, I figured that two hours would have been enough."

Skylar was stunned. "Margot, you're not talking about-"

"-Captain Kirk?" Margot completed the sentence. "Oh, yes! We did it in the lift. And then in his bed. And on the floor - and, oh that was good, even though he was beginning to get a bit exhausted, but it really didn't matter for-"

"Do not tell me, please. I don't want to know the details!"

"Whaat? You used to love it when I shared them."

"You think?" Skylar raised an eyebrow. "Anyways, are you sure it was a good idea? He is, however, your superior officer, and- "

"If I start to discriminate based on that, I can't soon touch anyone on this ship."

"And perhaps that would be better."

"Skylar!" Margot protested. "I know that I'm a slut. If it doesn't bother me, it shouldn't bother you either."

Skylar shrugged and tried to concentrate on what she'd been doing before Margot had shown up to mess up her thoughts. She picked up a pipette, and was about to remember what her task had been, as Margot - again - started talking.

"Besides, Jim Kirk is the reason why I came to Enterprise in the first place. I saw his picture in a report that told he had been promoted to the Captain of the Enterprise, and-"

"And you decided that you had to have him?" Skylar could not help but to stare at her friend. "You are incredible."

"Aren't I?" Margot grinned, clearly missing her point. "Besides, it wasn't just the picture. I had heard a lot about him."

"Well, that makes it alright."

This time her sarcasm wasn't lost. Margot was silent for a moment, giving her an odd look.

"Skylar?"

"Yes?" She didn't meet her eyes.

"Why are you like this? Why does it bother you so much that I had sex with Jim?"

"I was always like this." Skylar lied.

"No you weren't. You're more judgmental now. What's going on?"

Skylar cursed in her mind. She should have done as she always had, said "oh, really" and "that's interesting" in the right places, and Margot would have gone on and on about Jim without noticing that anything was wrong. But it was more difficult now, than it had been before - just yesterday she had sat down with Sulu, listening as he talked about Margot all night long, his voice so full of innocent hope. Skylar remembered the look in his eyes, a trace of desperate longing, that he had not been able to hide from her.

And now Margot told that she'd been having sex with Kirk, probably at the same time she had talked with Hikaru. How could Skylar _not_ be judgemental? She knew well enough how hurt Sulu would be when he found out.

"I'm sorry, my mind was elswhere." Skylar sighed and tried to shake off the distracting thoughts. Sulu would survive, he always had. "After all, it's none of my business, really."

"But it's ok by you ...?" Margot seemed worried. "I'm not stepping on anyone's toes, am I? Especially not yours. I don't want to mess up our friendship again."

"No, that's not it at all! I have absolutely no interest in Jim, not the way you mean. He's all yours."

"Thank you." Margot grinned.

"But I still can't get over the fact that you asked to be transferred here, just because of Jim."

"Well, You know how I am."

"Still." Skylar stated. "I thought you came here because of Hikaru."

Margot glanced at Skylar, perplexed. "Did he tell you what we talked about?"

"He might have mentioned something."

"Well, of course I thought about him too. I had not seen him in a long time… And I did miss him a lot, more than I imagined I would. I had never spent such a long time without meeting him, you know. We used to be together all the time."

Skylar nodded. She remembered, alright - from the first day in the academy, when she had become acquainted with Margot. Only a few moments after Margot had arrived with her luggage to their tiny apartment, and unpacked her few belongings, Sulu had been at the door - concerned, asking whether Margot had found there well and whether she was satisfied with her room. The two of them had been so intimate, that Skylar had assumed that Sulu was Margot's boyfriend - only to be very embarrassed when she found out the truth a few days later.

"Well, now everything is as it was." Skylar said. "We are together once again, you, me and Hikaru."

"As it should be." Margot smiled, and then, without a warning grabbed Skylar and gave her a tight hug. "I've missed you like crazy! Let's never again fight over a guy, okey?"

Skylar returned the hug. "Yeah, let's not."

But she couldn't help but to worry about Sulu, - and how was it going to be for the three of them, when Margot would finally found out that Sulu had loved her for years, and that Skylar had kept his secret.

The thought made her heart sank. This could not end well.


	6. The away mission

"Tell me about that planet." Kirk said to Spock, nodding towards the small planet, orbiting the central star of the binary system they were cartographing.

"Lots of vegetal life, some animal life signs, nothing really evolved." Spock said, reading the scanner. "No obvious signs of technology or traces of humanoid settlement."

"So it's possible no one's been here before us?" Kirk asked. The thought made him grin. This was what it was all about!

"Captain, I'd like to head an away team to see if there's anything useful down there." Bones said. "I'm running low on some supplies. This place might be helpful for restocking them."

"I don't see any harm in that" Kirk conceded. "Spock?"

"You can't use the transporter" the Vulcan said. "There are atmospheric disturbances that prevent getting a lock on the surface."

"Then we'll have to take a shuttle." Bones decided.

"I can take you down." Sulu promised, turning around to face the others from his place at the pilot's seat. "I've been itching to try one of those new Mark G7's we've got stored in the shuttle bay for weeks now."

"Good," Kirk nodded. "Gather your team, Bones! You have my permission to head out as soon as you're ready."

"Mr. Sulu, meet us in the shuttle bay in three hours." Bones instructed. "Bring something warm along. We'll probably stay the night."

Sulu was ready a little early, so he was the first to arrive at the shuttle Eisenhorn, their ride down to the planet. He packed his small pack into the storage compartment and started the preparations for takeoff, warming the engines, checking the systems and all the little things that needed to be done, before he could fly them off through the hangar doors into the dark void of space. He was wondering vaguely who Bones would pick to go with them, when someone sat down heavily beside him, sighing contently, and all in all looking as comfortable on the co-pilot's chair as only Margot could.

"Hi, Hikaru." the red-headed woman said, flashing him a smile. "So you're our man in the cockpit? Good, then for once I've nothing to worry about!"

"Hello, Margot." Sulu answered quietly, hoping his voice didn't betray emotion. A night on the planet, with Margot! Just him and her… And Bones, the surly doctor, he reminded himself. Time to cool off and get his mind into the game.

He continued with the pre-flight preparations, as Margot prattled on about nothing in particular, her mouth going on in one direction as her mind clearly was busy with something else. What, soon came into Sulu's attention.

"There they finally are!" Margot hissed, suddenly alert. "Now, remember, we must give the two of them every chance to be alone."

Sulu turned around in his seat to see who was coming: Doctors McCoy and Skylar were heading towards the shuttle, prattling amicably. Bones was doing a great job hiding his well known fear of flying. He was probably trying to impress Skylar, who seemed uncommonly interested in what he had to say.

Sulu frowned.

"Margot? What are you planning now?" He asked.

"It's not me, it's Skylar." Margot claimed, but her voice told him she was lying about something. "She's got this huge crush on Bones, but she won't admit it!"

"So you plan to nudge things along in your usual gentle style?" Sulu snorted. "Haven't you learned anything from the time she didn't speak to you for three years?"

"Like what?" Margot asked, challenging him with her diamond stare.

"Nothing." Sulu muttered. He nodded to Skylar and McCoy and turned back again, completing the preparations just as the two remaining members of the away team entered the shuttle.

Sulu pushed a button on the control panel in front of him, closing the shuttle door.

"Here we go." he said, accelerating.

* * *

Sulu woke up to someone whispering his name in the darkness. The sleep was still lingering in his mind and it took a while before he remembered where he was.

In a small tent, on an uninhabited planet, with Margot.

So, it hadn't been a dream after all.

"Hikaru?" Margot's said again, her voice only a faint whisper in the pitch black night. "Are you sleeping?"

"Not anymore." Sulu muttered and yawned.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up."

"It's all right." Sulu meant what he said. The sleepiness had left him now, and happiness of a kind he hadn't felt in a long time, warmed his chest. Margot was lying just a few feet from him, so close, that he easily heard her light breathing in the night.

"It's really cold out here." She said.

Sulu made a small laugh. He remembered she was always cold, she had been like that since for ever.

"It's only because you're so tiny. I told you to put on your woollen socks."

"I have them on, and they are doing nothing for me. I'm freezing to death, Hikaru. Can I please come and sleep with you?"

Her words made him gulp, and suddenly he felt very nervous. The very idea made his pulse accelerate. "It's going to be awfully crowded here."

"It doesn't matter. Please, I'm really really cold."

Sulu sighed - the thought of Margot's small, delicate body pressing against his own, searching for warmth, was way too appealing, but what could he say? Always the gentleman, he was prepared to sacrifice his good night's sleep for her.

"Come on, then." He pulled the sleeping bag open, and made space for her. "You'll fit in here with me, as you're such a little one."

"Don't call me a little one!" Margot hissed, as she crawled in, but Sulu heard the laughter in her voice.

She tossed around for a moment, trying to get comfortable. There wasn't too much space in the sleeping bag, and he could feel even her slightest movements on his skin. Sulu bit his lip, and inhaled slowly, trying to calm himself down, and finally Margot made a small, satisfied sound as she found a comfortable position. They both lay on their side, Margot her back against Sulu's abdomen, her head resting on his arm. After a moment's hesitation, he gently wrapped his other arm around her, and pulled her delicate form even closer. She sighed deeply, and he could hear her smile in the darkness.

"Oh, this is perfect, you're so warm." Margot muttered and yawned. "This feels really good."

Sulu heard his own heartbeat, and was sure she had to hear it too. How could she not, for it was too fast, too loud. His voice was hoarse as he answered.

"Yeah, it does."

"Just like old times, right? When we were kids."

They had slept in the same bed countless of times, when they had been children. Every time Margot had ran away from her house, she had ended up on Sulu's home, which had been just across the street. She had slept over, too afraid to go back to her father. On those nights Sulu's Mom had made a bed for her in his room, on the couch, but every night she had crawled to his bed, to be comforted by his closeness. She hadn't been able to fall asleep without his arms around her.

But that was all a million years ago. They had stopped doing that when they grew up, and it had become obvious to him, that she was a girl and he wasn't.

Now he gently pressed his face to her hair, even if he knew he shouldn't. Oh, it felt so good. It felt so right! He inhaled the familiar scent of her curls and it made his heart ache. He placed a kiss, light as a feather, on the top of her head, which she didn't seem to notice.

"Hikaru ...?" Margot whispered after some time.

"Yes?"

"When I came to Enterprise, you accused me, for not keeping in touch. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?"

"Of course I'll forgive you."

"It's not that I hadn't missed you." Margot's voice was a tiny whisper, and he felt her breathing on his skin. "You do not know how much I did. When I was away from you, I had no idea who I was."

A small silence.

"You know that I've only been happy when you're by my side." She continued. "It's so good to be with you again."

"I missed you too, Margot." Sulu finally managed to say. An understatement of the year.

"I know I don't say it enough ..." Margot hesitated for a moment, "…but thank you. Thank you for everything. You have always been there for me, Hikaru. I honestly don't know if I'd be alive, if it wasn't for you."

The emotion stuck in his throat, and the words failed him.

Her body was so tiny, and warm against his own, her shoulders fragile, her waist so small he could easily wrap his arm around her. In the darkness her delicate fingers sought his.

He felt the weight of her words on his heart, and he knew he'd never been as happy and as sad at the same time.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Margot. You know that I love you."

Margot sounded sleepy. "And I love you... Sleep well, friend."

But Sulu doubted that would get any sleep that night.


	7. Heaven help me

_"I hear your voice, it's like an angel sighing._

 _I have no choice, I hear your voice,_

 _Feels like flying._

 _I close my eyes, Oh God I think I'm falling_

 _Out of the sky, I close my eyes._

 _Heaven help me."_

 _\- Madonna_

* * *

Sulu woke up at the first light of dawn, surprised he'd managed to sleep at all. His muscles and joints felt stiff as the sleeping bag was very crowded, and he could not even turn without waking up Margot, who had snuggled against his chest, breathing peacefully in her sleep.

He opened his eyes, and looked at her.

Margot's hair was fluffy, and it curled and bent to every direction despite the nice, stylish hairdo she'd had the day before. He couldn't see her face, as it was pressed against his chest, but he felt all too clearly her breathing on his skin through his cloths.

A desire to wrap his arms around her, to pull her face up for a kiss, filled Sulu's heart. He wanted to spin her around, on top of him, to feel her abdomen against his own, her small, soft breasts on his chest. He groaned - the lust, which had been lurking nearby all night, suddenly rushed to his veins and flashed through his body in a heartbeat. He couldn't help it - he suddenly felt hard in his pajama pants.

Perhaps it was the moan that escaped from his lips, or the fact that he tried to move further away from her, but in any case he suddenly realized he wasn't the only one who was awake.

Margot yawned, stretched her tiny form, made a small, satisfied sigh and opened her pretty eyes to look up to his face. Her smile was the one of a fallen angel, at it cut his breath away.

"Good morning, Hikaru. Did you sleep well?"

"Just fine," Sulu lied. He dared not to move, the agonizing need still pulsing hot in his veins. "And you?"

"Better than in years." Margot grinned, snuggled closer to give him a tight hug - and then stiffened and stopped. After a few awkward seconds of silence, that felt like eternity, she began to laugh.

"I'm sorry ..." Sulu muttered. He felt his cheeks burning. "It is morning, and-"

"You always have one on the mornings, or is it just for me?" Margot joked, but her tone wasn't flirtatious at all.

"Can you get up? Please?" Sulu grimaced. Never in his life had he been this embarrassed.

"Why? There's nothing to be ashamed of, Hikaru! It's just biology. I don't remember right now, why that happens on the mornings, but-"

"Please. It's really cramped in here." Sulu felt the veins pulsing on his forehead - and other parts. His erection pressed hard against the fabric of his boxers, and all too clearly he felt her tiny body, oh so close to his own. If she didn't get up soon, he wouldn't be able to endure this torture any longer. He'd take her by force, if it came to that.

"Don't be a dullard, Hikaru." Margot laughed. "You do know you're going to have to do something about that. You can't walk around all day with that one."

"Please, Margot. This is not funny. "

"Of course it is! And you know I'm right. If you weren't my best friend, I could even help you with it."

And she placed her gentle fingers teasingly on his abdomen, pulled up the hem of his T-shirt on a way that made him groan. He forced himself to grab her hand, and stop it before she could touch him further.

"Margot, stop this right now." His voice was tense and tormented. He barely got the words out of his mouth.

But she had already pulled away her hand, and was getting out of the sleeping bag, a crooked smile on her impish face.

"Calm down, Hikaru, it was just a joke."

"Yeah, really funny." His voice was venomous.

Magot rolled her eyes. "Where did you leave your sense of humor? It's not like I'd really touch you, silly! You're my best friend, it would be too weird. We're practically family. I was just kidding, you know. Life should not be so serious, at least sex shouldn't."

Sulu didn't say anything. All his energy was spent in self-control. He didn't care if Margot thought he was the dullest person in the universe. He cradled deeper into his sleeping bag, desperately trying to forget how her fingers had felt on his skin - but it was impossible.

"Hikaru?"

Sulu winced and opened his eyes. Margot was leaving the tent, she had pulled a jacket on top of pajamas and had stepped into a pair of slippers.

"Yeah?"

"Do something about it, you know what." Margot winked, and threw a package of tissues at him. Reflexively he snatched it.

"Oh, no way!"

"Why not?" Margot looked genuinely surprised. "Wouldn't it make you feel better?"

"No! Yes, I mean, no!" Sulu threw the tissues towards Margot, who managed to dodge. "I can not believe that you'd even suggest something like that."

"There is nothing to be embarrassed about, Hikaru. We all do it. I'm sure you do it all the time. Hell, even I do it."

"Too much information!" Sulu stated. "I beg you to tell me no more. Will you please just leave me be."

The idea of Margot touching herself was almost too much to take. All too clearly he saw Margot's voluptuous naked body in his mind, lying on the bed her eyes closed, lips parted in pleasure, her fingers-

Sulu forced the image out of his mind. For God's sake, why was she torturing him like this?! He inhaled deeply a few times, before he regained at least some part of his self-control.

"Please, just go away."

"So you can...?"

"No." Sulu glanced at her. "Definitely not. I'm going to get up and get dressed, so could you please give me some privacy?"

Margot shrugged and opened the hatch to step out. "Blame yourself, then. Don't come nagging at me, when you're all tense all day."

Sulu didn't respond, but simply waited until she'd left the tent. As soon as he saw the hatch closing, he fell back down to the mattress and pressed his fingers to his hair.

He groaned in desperation.

He knew Margot was right, and that he'd regret this decision many a time, but there had to be a limit to his humiliation. He was not going to be so pathetic. There was no way he'd do as she'd suggested, knowing that Margot was only a few feet away, outside the tent.

Sulu closed his eyes and inhaled deeply to calm himself. He tried to relax. He tried to think of the dullest, unsexiest things he knew.

Breath in, breath out.

Think about sandwiches.

About socks.

About all the Joes you know.

And ugly paintings.

Think about dirty, stinky, sweaty klingon warriors.

That did it. Finally he felt the heat leaving his body. His heartbeat calmed down, and his mind cleared. Once more he inhaled deeply, and then got up to get dressed.

This was going to be a very long day.


	8. Paradise

_"I go nervous, perverse - when I see her, it's worse!"_

 _\- Slipknot_

* * *

It was just the two of them, like it should be.

Margot had insisted for them to go and get some samples from a nearby lake, and he knew well enough it wasn't so that she could spend some time alone with him, but rather to give Skylar and Bones some time to "get to know each other" as she had put it.

She led the way, and he followed, carrying all the necessary items and tools in a rather heavy rucksack, but he didn't mind, not really. It was pure pleasure to watch how Margot walked briskly, jumped from a rock to rock, her hips swinging, paced by her agile steps. He listened her constant chattering only partly, half buried in his thoughts. Her enthusiasm made him smile - she had always been an explorer, an ADHD kid, and now she was about to burst from curiosity. After all, this was a planet no human had ever stepped their foot on, and she was as excited as a child - something he truly loved in her.

The double sun was shining high, two huge flaming spheres in the zhenit, and soon the hikers were sweating through their clothes. They had both already removed their jackets, and tied them to their waists. Sulu felt how sweat streamed on his back, and the sleep deprivation weighed heavily on his eyelids. He lifted a bottle of water to his lips and sipped some of it's fresh, cool contents.

"The pond should be right behind that hill!" Margot declared on a joyful tone "I told you it was close."

Sulu smirked. They had hiked under the blazing sun for nearly two hours. He handed the bottle to Margot, who grabbed it eagerly. A few drops of water escaped from her lips, ran down on the sweating skin of her neck, towards her heaving bosom. He gulped, and forced himself to look away, not to stare.

They climbed to the last hill in silence, and then stopped there for a moment, to admire the view: there was a beautiful small lake, on the valley in front of them, an oasis-like wetland, full of small streams leading away from the pond. Lush vegetation that was nothing like they had ever seen surrounded the oasis, creating an interesting contrast on the dry desert they had just hiked through.

"Beautiful!" Margot gasped. "Just as I imagined! Come on, let's go for a swim!"

"A Swim?" Sulu turned to look at Margot. "What about the samples?"

"Who cares about them? It was just a cover story, so that we could leave Bones and Skylar behind."

Sulu blinked.

"You mean I dragged all these things here for nothing?"

"Well ..." Margot looked guilty. "Let's gather something before we head back, I promise. I'd like to catch some of those butterfly like thingies too. But Hikaru, I'm stewing! - let's go for a swim, for God's sake!"

"Are you kidding?" Sulu glanced at the pond. "You don't know have any idea what's in there. It might not even be water."

"We'll find out soon enough." Margot moved closer to the shore with a scanner she had taken from his backpack, and Sulu - giving a deep sigh - followed. Margot took a moment, reading the measurements, and finally turned back to him, a radiant smile on her face.

"It's water, alright. Contains quite a lot of different mineral compounds, but it should be quite safe to swim in."

"I still don't think it's a good idea." Sulu tried to protest. "you don't know what's lurking under the surface."

Margot glared at him. "Hikaru, look at that pond. It is no more than a few feet deep and the water is so clear that you can see right through it. What kind of an unimaginable danger could possibly threaten us there? "

"You never know."

Sulu turned to look at the lake - the water looked really appealing. But just the thought of seeing Margot undressed, was enough to make him uneasy. As if this morning hadn't been awkward enough! He tried to push the image out of his mind, and turned to face Margot again, only to discover that she had already taken off her shirt and was about to unbutton her pants too. A burning desire suddenly flashed through his veins like an electric shock, making him hard in his pants.

"So you're really going to swim?" He tried to keep his voice calm.

"And you aren't?" Margot grinned. "Come on - it will be fun! Just like when we were kids, right?"

He couldn't help but to laugh. There was nothing resembling their innocent childhood swim trips in this moment. He watched as Margot stepped out of her trousers and her shoes, now wearing only ridiculously small pink hotpants and a white tank top, revealing her slender form for his gaze. Her legs were skinny and seemed to go on forever, her hipbones arched sharp under her light skin, her waist was tiny, and he could see her cute navel right under it - on the gap where skin was revealed between her panties and the top. And under the almost transparent white tank top - he could not help but to look - he saw her small, firm breasts - sized and shaped like apples, their nipples soft and dark under the fabric.

Sulu forced himself to look at her face, blushing. He felt like a peeping Tom, disgusted by himself. Had Margot known what went through his mind, she'd probably punch him.

"You go, I don't feel like swimming." he stated.

Margot gave him a puzzled gaze, but then shrugged. "All right, suit yourself then."

And so she turned her back at him, ran down the beach and dived head first to the shallow water. After a few seconds she resurfaced, splashing water to him, laughing out loud.

"This is wonderful!" Margot she whooped. The water barely reached her waist. "Come here will you? Don't be an ass, Hikaru."

Sulu watched how the water ran down her face, her neck, her arms… Her tank top had went see through as it was soaking wet, and it was like glued to her chest now. She was beautiful like the goddess Afrodite who had just been born from the Ocean foam - and had decided to participate in a wet T-shirt contest right away.

Yeah, that was Margot, all right. And that was why he wanted her like crazy. He took a deep breath to calm down. The lust burnt in his veins, and his hard erection made him feel really uncomfortable. Was it just his imagination, or was the heat of the double suns even worse than it had been before?

"Is the water cold?" He asked.

"Yeah, it's just perfect."

Sulu hesitated for a moment. He felt as if his whole body was on fire, like there were flames in his bloodstream instead of blood.

Finally giving up, he dropped his backpack to the ground, and began to open his shoelaces. A cold bath was just what he needed right now.

* * *

 **14 years ago:**

" _Hikaru, come on, don't be like that!" she was standing on the driveway with her rusty bike, and a backpack, wearing a baseball cap, shorts and a T-shirt that said 'I don't care' on big, loud letters. She was a skinny little thing, all arms and legs and scratches on her knees and elbows, and a huge amount of fiery red curls and freckles._

 _They were eleven years old both, and she was his whole world already._

" _But what about school?" he said, standing on the front porch._

" _What about it? You can afford to skip one day, you know. You're the best on our class anyways."_

" _This is a really bad idea." he stated._

" _I know! Those are the best part of me." she gave him an impish grin. "Let's go already! I found this great place, you're gonna love it."_

 _And so he put down his schoolbag, got his bike, and followed her. Like he always did._

 _It was the best day ever. They stayed on the beach the whole day, until it was dark, chasing crabs and small fish, sunbathing, splashing in the water, just talking, and eating hot dogs and churros they bought from a small booth by the shore._

 _He was grounded for a month because of that, and for a reason, he knew. But Margot wasn't, for her dad didn't care what she did. And even if Sulu's Mom had said that being grounded meant that he wasn't allowed to meet Margot at all, it didn't stop her from climbing to their roof and sneaking in from his window after the dark._

* * *

After a swim, they lay on the beach, side by side. Margot on her back, letting the sun cherish her light skin, Sulu on his stomach, hands under his chin, looking at the woman by his side.

She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

Her white skin glowed under the sun, her damp curls glistened. She stretched her muscles, a blissful look on her face, her slim abdomen sunk slightly between her sharp hipbones, her ribs were clearly visible through the wet top.

He took a deep breath to calm his mind, and closed his eyes. But it did no good, for her picture stayed in his mind anyways.

"This is perfect!" Margot sighed blissfully. "It's been an eternity since I've been in the open air, under a real sun - or two of them, to be precise."

Sulu chuckled. "I agree. The worst thing about space is the continuous darkness."

"Yeah. It's a good thing though, that we both look gorgeous with pale skin, right?"

She grinned at him, and rolled onto her stomach, moving a bit closer to him as she did so. He felt her proximity like an electric current on his skin.

"You're going to get sunburnt." he said, and reached out to move a few escaped curls behind her ear.

"I don't care. I'm gonna spend the next who knows how many months, missing how the sun feels on my skin."

Her hair called to his fingers, it was soft and silky, and he just couldn't stop caressing it, no matter how hard he tried to pull away his fingers.

"Why did you cut your hair?" he asked.

"What, you liked it more when it was long?"

"You know." he muttered. "I loved it. But it's nice this way too. Just different."

She seemed perplexed. "Just needed the change, I guess. But maybe I'll let it grow back, if you want me to."

He didn't answer, but forced himself to let go of her hair. The sand beneath them was so soft, so warm. He imagined how he'd pull her near, for a kiss. His gaze had a will of it's own, and it moved from her hair, to her back, to those cute little panties she wore. Oh, how he wanted to rip them off her, and roll on top of her. To come between her thighs and press her down, against the warm sand.

What was the worst that could happen if he'd reach out to her right now?

Pulled her near, and kissed those sweet lips?

Rolled on top of her, came between her legs, pressed his chest against her bosom, and-

Sulu closed his eyes and forced the image away. She'd hate him if she knew. She'd hate him for keeping his feelings a secret all these years - it would be the worst betrayal. It would turn their friendship into a lie, he knew.

Don't dwell in this, he told himself. It's never going to happen.

"Tell me," he said to get other things to his mind. "What happened at USS Raven? Why did you want to get out of there?

Margot snorted. "Oh no, not that one... It was a disaster."

"How so?"

"You really want to know?" Margot's voice was grim, and he opened his eyes to look at her.

"Sure."

"Oh, alright. But you'll have to promise not to tell anyone... At least, don't tell Skylar."

"I promise," Sulu raised his hand. "I swear not to tell a soul."

Margot sighed and turned around. "It was probably the most boring ship in this universe - nothing ever happened there! And you know what happens when I get bored..."

He knew, alright. Even if he wished he didn't.

"Oh." he said and grimaced.

"Yeah... And it turned into a real mess."

"Tell me."

"You have heard of Captain Guiliano, right?"

Sulu nodded. "Sure, I've heard she's really good."

"Oh, she is. And, really nice too!" She made a face. "Or at least she was, until I managed to anger her. After that, she was extremely capable of making my life a living Hell."

"So what did you do to anger her?"

Margot frowned and seemed to be embarrassed. "I might have accidentally slept with her husband."

"Margot! How on Earth did that happen?"

"Just as it did with Skylar's boyfriend - I did not know that he was the captain's husband!" Margot was clearly upset now. "How the hell should I know everything? You would think that he could have just said, that he was married... Why the hell men can never tell me they are taken? I never would have touched him, had I known!"

"That's why, Margot." Sulu sighed. "That's why."

"Men are bastards."

"Yeah, we are."

Margot turned to look at him, her eyes all serious now. "You know, I didn't mean you, Hikaru. You're the best person I've ever met. I know you'd never lie to me."

Sulu gulped. He knew he should tell her right now.

"Margot, I ..." but the words got stuck in his throat.

Margot looked at him, expectantly, her green eyes glimmering. He bit his lip, and looked away. What was he gonna say to her anyway?

"What?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Nothing of importance. Just tell me what happened after that."

"After the captain found out?" Margot shrugged. "She was furious, of course. I can't blame her, really, it was ugly. But I do think it wasn't fair how she got everyone to hate me, and not that stupid husband of hers... Soon everybody knew what had happened, and no one would even talk to me. Oh, it was absolutely horrible!"

"Yeah, I can imagine."

"I think they were all just happy to get rid of me - and I of them." Margot was silent for a moment, and then her grim look was replaced by a mischievous grin. "But I'd sure as Hell like to know what she wrote about me in my report. At least Kirk was quite keen to get me on board of Enterprise."

Sulu made a small laugh. "That you have a generous nature and you're ready for any task at all times?"

"Yeah, that sounds like me." Margot laughed. She stretched out her hand to gently caress his cheek. "But all is good now. It's wonderful to be on the Enterprise - with you. Never leave me again, Hikaru. I don't know what I'd do without you."


	9. I'm going to kill Jim Kirk

"I need a doctor, can you come right away?"

Sulu's voice had been dead serious, and in a heartbeat it had pulled Skylar's thought's away from the book she had been reading.

She had jumped into her shoes, rushed out of her cabin and ran to Sulu's door as fast as she could. Still panting, her chest heaving, she now waited for him to come and let him in. He sure took his time, and Skylar pressed the doorbell again. She was worried - was it necessary to use the emergency override to get in? But just as she was about to do so, the door finally hissed open and she saw Sulu's face - pale, tormented.

"What happened?" Skylar demanded, stepping in. She noticed he was barefoot, wearing his fencing practice clothes - and a katana still tied up in his back. "Did you hurt yourself in the exercise, or...?"

"Please, don't ask anything." his voice was tight as a spring. "Please… just give me something, anything that will calm me down. Or I swear I'll go and kill Jim Kirk."

Skylar was silent for a moment.

"Oh." She said then, in lack of a better word. "Yeah. Just give me a moment."

She had known him long enough to know he most likely wasn't joking. The doctor in her took over and she searched her bag for a syringe, and without a moment's hesitation gave a strong dose of sedative into his carotid artery. In just a few seconds, the sedative began to effect, and Skylar noticed his rigid position beginning to relax.

"Thanks." Sulu muttered, his voice suddenly drowzy.

"No problem. But give your Katana to me now, just to be safe."

Sulu nodded hesitantly, and with slow moves, his thoughts clearly elsewhere, took the sword and handed it to Skylar. He then turned his back on her, walked to the couch, his legs shaking slightly, and tumbled onto it. His eyes stayed on the window, staring into the endless void of space.

Skylar hid the Katana on top of a cabinet, hesitated for a moment, but then followed him, and sat down on the other corner of the sofa to face him.

"Now tell me what happened."

Sulu was silent for a long time, so long that Skylar already thought, he wouldn't answer at all. Finally, his words cut through the dark silence, and they had an almost blaming tone in them.

"You knew, didn't you? That Jim and Margot..."

Skylar nodded. "I knew."

"And you didn't tell me?"

"I have a bad habit of keeping my word. As I have kept my word to you, not telling Margot that you're in l-"

"Don't say it!" Sulu snapped. "I do not want to hear it now."

"As you wish."

Skylar stood up and walked to the replicator, asked for two cups of chamomile tea. She handed the other one to Sulu, and he took it absent mindedly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you." He said, after taking a few sips. "It was not your place to tell me... I should have guessed it myself. And I did guess, or at least I had a hunch. He's just her type, you know. But having a hunch is quite different as..."

"As what?"

"As seeing the woman you love, being fucked by someone else."

Skylar flinch. "Ouch. How on Earth…?"

"We were going to go fencing..." Sulu started, then shook his head, ran his fingers through his hair as if trying to find his lost thoughts. "What did you give me, Skylar? I can't feel a thing anymore."

"Is it not that what you wanted?"

Sulu nodded, then shook his head. He took a deep breath and tried to start over again. "Fencing…. So , I waited her there, but she never came. I got worried, you know how I am."

Skylar knew. Sulu worried about Margot all the time, he always had.

"So I went to look for her, thinking that something had happened to her. I went to her door, but no one opened, so I tried if it was unlocked..." his voice darkened, "Of course it was."

"Oh my God." Skylar sighed and rolled her eyes. "Is that woman ever going to learn how to lock the door!?"

"I doubt it." Sulu growled.

"So you saw...?"

"Yes."

"How Margot and Jim ...?"

"Yes."

Skylar didn't know what to say, so she simply said: "I'm so sorry."

She remembered all too vividly how it had felt to see her own boyfriend with another woman - Margot. And yet, she hadn't even been in love with that young cadette, not like Sulu was in love with Margot. What had happened then, had broken a friendship for three whole years, and now Skylar couldn't help but to wonder what would happen to Kirk and Sulu after today? Or to all of them.

Damn that Margot, and her slutty habits!

Skylar sighed - she was angry and sad, and she had been afraid of this moment for a long time. She saw his face in the dim light of the stars, it was like frozen, and the pain in his eyes cut through her heart like a spear.

"I thought I had already gotten used to being jealous, you know." Sulu whispered quietly. "But this time is different."

"Why is it different?"

Sulu shrugged. "Maybe it's because Jim is my friend."

"It does make this more complicated."

"There is nothing complicated in here." Sulu snorted. "She doesn't want me, she never has. I ought to know it by now. It was fool of me to think that something had changed during these past years, but..."

"I know." Skylar nodded. "It still hurts."

He sat up on the couch, to look at her straight in the eye, as straight as he could with the huge dose of sedative in his blood. "When Margot was not here, I missed her like crazy. I thought about her all the time. And yet, somehow it was easier. A part of me wishes she'd never come to Enterprise."

"You have been rather tense after she got here."

Sulu gave a sarcastic laugh.

"To put it mildly. Her being here is torture to me. It wasn't like this before, when we were younger… but lately, it's been really hard to be around her and not to be able to touch her. The away mission was just-" He stopped in mid-sentence, as if he had suddenly realized he had said too much. He sank his fingers in his hair, and inhaled deeply before continuing. "This is just more difficult than it used to be."

"You have to try and get over her." Skylar said, knowing as she said it, that it was a worthless piece of advice. "Or at least get someone else under you - that might help."

Sulu tried to laugh. "No, thanks. I'm no Margot."

"Then you should tell her the truth."

Sulu looked at him as if she'd gone mad. "I can't do that!"

"Why not?" Skylar demanded. "You should have done it years ago!"

And suddenly Skylar wanted to tell him all about the alternate reality she remembered best - the one where Margot had died on the mission in Tursan moons, three years earlier, and how Sulu had regretted the rest of his life, that he had never had the courage to tell her how he felt. He had finally gotten over the grief, but never of the fact that he hadn't spoken up when he still had the chance to do so. It had haunted him for the rest of his days.

Skylar bit her lip - she knew she wasn't allowed to talk about any of that. As far as she knew, Sulu had no idea of her time and reality travelling, and she knew better than to tell him anything.

"And who would then keep her safe? Who would take care of her?" Sulu responded to her claim. "Who? After she gets pissed at me, and kicks me out of her life for good."

"That's nonesense." Skylar shook her head. "She would never do that. You may not realize it, but she can't live without you. I knew it the first time I saw the two of you."

"So basically you're saying, that you know best - as always."

"Of course." Skylar said, and shrugged.


	10. Stuck in the friend zone

"We have to talk."

Kirk's voice was determined, but still Sulu tried to stop him from entering his quarters.

"Jim, there's no need, really."

Kirk didn't care. He stepped past him, to his cabin and sat down without asking a permission.

"Come on, Sulu. I saw your face you, when- "

"And I too saw many things, I didn't want to see." Sulu turned his gaze away from Kirk, but he caught the venomous tone of his words.

"That's exactly what I mean. And we do need to talk, Sulu! I had no idea that you..." He was silent for a moment. Sulu walked to the window, turned his back to Kirk, and stared silently into space. Finally, Kirk broke the awkward silence: "I didn't mean to offend you, that's all."

"I know. It's not your fault."

"Then why didn't you ever say a word?! Why didn't you even hint, that you had feelings for her? I never would have touched her, had I known that-"

"And what could have I said, exactly?" His voice was calm, but Kirk saw the look in his eyes. "She is not mine, I have no right to claim her. Besides - it's you she wants. I knew it from the first time she saw you. I knew this was going to happen, Jim, it was just a matter of time."

"I don't understand you, Sulu." Kirk shook his head, perplexed. "How can you just sit and watch as the woman you want goes for another man?"

"No, I'd imagine you can't understand that. It's so easy for you, isn't it?" He snorted, "Or at least you make it look easy."

"What are you talking about?"

"The way they all come to you, the way she did… It's not like that with me, you know. Besides, I know she'll never be mine." Sulu sighed and turned to look at his friend. "I am not the man she wants."

"And I am?"

"You, or someone like you. You're just her type. She want's someone who is even wilder and crazier than she is, someone who sweeps her off her feet, and makes her universe explode. I'm not that guy, Jim. I'm stuck deep in the friend zone."

"There is no such a thing as a friend zone." Kirk stated, and gave him a stern look. "You should tell her how you feel."

"I get that a lot lately."

"And for a reason."

"That's bullshit, Jim. Margot is my best friend, we grew up together. It's not like you're the first guy she's been with, in this time, and I'm sure you won't be the last either. You know, she has always taken what she wants, and I have no doubt I'd be her's already, had she even the slightest interest in me."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Nothing." Sulu's expression remained calm.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Kirk couldn't hide the fact that he was annoyed.

"Do whatever you want to do. As I said, she's not mine. She has every right to sleep with whoever she wishes to, as do you."

"I can live without it, you know. It's not like I'm the one who's in love with her."

"And she isn't in love with me."

Kirk stared at Sulu for a few seconds, almost disgusted by his resigned tone.

"Are you really saying that it doesn't bother you at all, if I-"

"Just learn to lock the door." Sulu's tone was expressionless. "That's all I'm asking."


	11. Denial

Margot was pretty sure there was something fishy going on behind her back.

For a few days now, Hikaru had refused to talk to her, and in every way possible had made it known, that he didn't want her company. Margot had never seen her best friend like this, and she was troubled. Yes, during the years, he had been mad at her many, many times. And always he had told her what was it all about, and they had talked about it. But never had he shut her out like this, not even when she had committed the stupidest of her stupid mistakes. Never. He had always been there for her, and they had shared everything.

And now? Margot's heart was heavy from fear and anxiety as she remembered this morning. She had seen Hikaru on the hallway, and hurried after him, but he had stepped into the lift and rushed to push the button that closed the doors between them. She had been left standing alone in the hallway, like a fool.

And lunch time had been even worse. She had went to the bridge to ask Hikaru for a lunch, and he had plain forward refused to go with her. "I just don't want to talk to you right now" he had said, and she had had the worst feeling that everyone else in the room knew, what was going on, and she didn't.

An annoying feeling, that one. She hated to be this out of it.

It was clear to her now, that Hikaru was angry at her - but for what? She was puzzled. Everything had been just great - or so she thought - and now she had been dragged in the middle of a drama she didn't understand.

But Sulu was not the only person whose bizarre behavior troubled Margot.

Her thoughts returned to Jim Kirk.

She sighed, and rolled her eyes.

The burning passion she had felt for him had begun to diminish - she realized she was a bit bored of him already. There was nothing new in that one, of course. She always got bored of the guys after a few weeks, but what troubled her, was his changed behaviour. It was almost like he didn't want her anymore. He had been evasive for the last few days, and yesterday he had told her "he wasn't on the mood", which had truly shocked Margot.

It couldn't be, that _he_ was bored of _her_?

The thought bothered her more than it should've, and she frowned. No, it must be something else, she decided. And she was going to found out what.

* * *

A few moments later she stood on the edge of the fencing practice field, only to find out that she had indeed found what she was looking for. Skylar was there - and she was practicing with Hikaru. Margot took a seat, waiting for the practice to be over.

She observed the match in silence. It was weird seeing Hikaru like this, for usually they practiced together. Now she had all the time of the world to just sit and look at him.

Wow, he was really beautiful to watch, she noticed.

His body was strong and slim, his movements well balanced and swift. She could not help but to admire his skill and control, the precision and strength behind every move.

A strange longing that she couldn't quite put her finger on, made her chest ache.

When the practice finally ended, Skylar and Sulu stayed on the field to exchange a few words. They spoke silently so she couldn't hear them, but what she saw was enough to shake her to the core of her being.

The look on his face was so sad, it took Margot's breath away. His whole posture spoke of grief, his expressions were tormented and pain lingered in his dark eyes.

In shock Margot watch as Skylar stepped closer to Hikaru, asked something of him, and as he shook his head, she raised her hand and placed it gently on his shoulder, caressed him as if trying to give him some part of her own strength.

Skylar touched him. Margot blinked. Skylar, who almost never touched anyone!

Things had to be way worse than she had anticipated, Margot decided. And it was damn time that someone explained this mess to her!

* * *

A few moments later, Skylar who had just showered, and Margot who had relentlessly followed her to women's locker room, sat down face to face on a bench. Margot kept staring at her, which annoyed Skylar quite a bit, for she was currently busy trying to put her socks on.

"So you really aren't going to tell me what's going on?" Margot's voice was irritated.

"Like I said, I can't."

"You can't, or you don't want to?"

Skylar sighed, and pulled her shirt on.

This conversation was something she had dreaded for years now, and still she had no plan of any kind, to solve this situation.

"I can't, because I have promised not to."

"Why on Earth did you make a promise like that to him?" Margot snapped in frustration. "He's mad at me about something, and you know what it is. Please, just tell me, what the Hell is going on?!"

Skylar was silent for a moment, and pondered on her options.

"Perhaps, if you... guessed it? And I told you if you hit the right thing?"

"Yes!" Margot was delighted. "That way, he can't get mad at you - and he's already pissed at me anyways. So, go ahead - give me a hint and I'll take a guess."

"I can't believe you need a hint! It's so obvious..."

"How so?" Margot frowned. "Now give me a lead, and stop blabbering"

"Okay, okay... So, tell me: when was it that you noticed something was off with him?"

Margot thought about it for a moment. "Two days ago, I guess. He didn't even looked at me, when I passed him in the hallway on my way to breakfast."

"Well, what happened the night before?"

"Oooh!" Margot realized. "I forgot that I was supposed to meet him for fencing practice! But it can't be that, he wouldn't be hurt by that, surely."

"Well, no." Skylar glared at Margot. How slow could she be? "He's quite used to you dumping him whenever you have _better company_."

"You mean ... you mean that he is angry that I slept with Jim?" Margot was skeptical. "How would he even know about it? I didn't tell him, and I'm counting you didn't either?"

"I didn't have to. He saw you two at it."

"Oh, that's so embarrassing!" Margot was horrified, she covered her face with her hands. "I'm mortified!"

"And for a reason. Are you ever going to learn how to lock the door, Margot? And how is it even possible that you didn't even notice that he saw you?"

"Yeah, well I was busy with something else at the moment." Margot snapped.

"Apparently." Skylar rolled her eyes.

"Besides, he should know better than to enter my room without knocking. It's annoying that people do that! And what of it, if I slept with Jim? I know Hikaru has always despised of my boyfriends, but he has never stopped talking to me before because I've fucked someone."

"Just stop that prattling right now, and concentrate for a second, will you. You saw him just there. Be honest: how did he seem to you."

Margot fell silent and closed her eyes. "He looked miserable. Like he was suffering."

"Like he had a broken...?"

"...Heart?" Margot looked up - disbelief and fear in her eyes. "You mean ...?"

Skylar nodded. At last.

"Yes."

"And you're not saying that he is in love with Jim, right?"

"No."

"But that he's in love…. with me?"

"Yes."

Margot jumped to her feet, her face suddenly all pale and wide eyed.

"But it can't be! It just can't be true. I won't believe it."

"And yet it is true."

"No!"

Skylar sighed and glared at her friend, more than a little frustrated. "Margot, are you going to continue this denial for a long time? It does not change anything. He is in love with you, and his heart is broken because you've been sleeping with his one of his bests friends behind his back."

"Oh, no….!" Margot tumbled back to the bench, and hid her face in her hands. "No..."

"And still: Yes." Skylar sat down next to her friend, hesitated for a moment, and then placed her hand comfortingly on her shaking shoulder. "Is it really that hard to believe?"

"No... no, I guess it isn't. In fact, it explains a lot."

"That's what I thought."

Margot was silent for a long time, her head bowed, her shoulders shaking.

"I can't believe I never saw it." she finally managed to say.

"Neither can I, if it makes you feel better."

"For how long?"

"I'm sorry?"

Suddenly Margot's eyes were dead serious, and her look told that she had indeed realized the amount of suffering she had caused to Sulu. Her voice was no more than a faint, haunted whisper now, as she asked: "How long has it been going on? Skylar, tell me. For how long has he been in love with me?"

Skylar sighed and looked down.

"Since forever, as far as I know."

Margot's face went pale as snow, and her whole body was trembling as she stood up from the bench.

"I think I need a drink." She said, and for once Skylar agreed with her.


	12. The tea ceremony

The cabin doors opened, and Margot felt her body tensing. She took a deep breath to relax - everything was ready. The necessary equipment was all on it's place, the water had boiled, and the room looked just as it should. She was kneeling on the tatami, and her Japanese yukata was dressed accordingly, revealing just the right amount of skin of her thin, pale wrists.

She was as ready to face him, as she'd ever be.

Sulu stepped in, and then stopped, a few feet from her, but she didn't raise her eyes to meet him, and waited for him to speak first. This was his cabin after all, and she was the intruder.

After a rather long silence, she finally heard his quiet, soft voice: "What are you doing here, Margot?"

"Hikaru Sulu." Margot felt her own voice quivering. She finally looked up to him, and gestured him to sit down. "Please, have a seat, and let me make you a cup of tea."

" _Chakai._ " Sulu said more to himself than to her, hesitated for a moment, but then proceeded as expected - stepped out of his shoes, and as Margot gave him a small bow, he answered it, and then sat down on his knees.

There was no talking now. In silence she offered him the rice treats she had prepared, and as he ate, she began to prepare the tea.

The macha tea was perfect - she had brought it from Earth, for this was one of the things the replicator simply couldn't make. As she opened the tea caddy, macha's strong, earthly aroma filled the room and her muscles relaxed.

Of course the venue wasn't perfect. There was no real tea room in the Enterprise, no place where she could've boiled the water on hot stones - so she had had to improvise. But she had put a lot of effort on decorating the room according to the season and the type of the ceremony, and at least the tea was good - and she knew how to prepare it.

There was comfort in routines, in her well practiced, precise moves, and her heart rate calmed down. With elegant, slow moves she mixed the macha and the water in a bowl, whisked it with a bamboo whisk, and then, bowing again, offered it to Sulu.

He enjoyed the tea in silence, his face revealing no emotion. But Margot could not take her eyes off him, even if she knew she shouldn't stare. There was something new in him, something she hadn't noticed before, and she felt like she was seeing him for the first time.

The ceremony took almost an hour, and only after they finished it with final bows, and Margot had cleaned the equipment and put them back to their containers, he began to talk.

"You look beautiful." his voice was quiet and gentle. "Why the yukata? And the _chakai_?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you, Hikaru. And you've been avoiding me, so I thought this would be the best way to get your attention."

He didn't look away, but she saw how he flinched.

"I'm sorry that I have upset you." he said.

"I've come to ask you a question." Margot took a deep breath. "Please, be honest to me. We've known each other so long, that you can't justify lying to me."

He didn't say anything, just waited silently for her question. But she saw it in his eyes, that he knew why she had sought him out.

"You're hurt. And you're angry." She whispered.

"Not to you."

"But because of the things I've done?"

Sulu closed his eyes for a moment, and nodded. "Yes."

Margot knew her voice was shaking, but still she forced the words out of her mouth. "Hikaru ... You've been my best friend all my life. When I had no one else, you always were there for me. Your parents opened their home to me, and your mother taught me everything I know. When I did not have anyone else, you were always there for me. You comforted me every single time, when... " Margot bit her lip, unable to finish the sentence. "I loved you like a brother, you were my family. I thought you felt the same."

"I did."

"But when did it change?" her voice was a faint whisper now. "When did you fall in love with me?"

"I do not know."

"I need a better answer than that."

The look on his face was tormented, his eyes dark.

"Do you remember the first time we met?" he asked.

"How could I not?"

"You were this dirty little girl, with torn and stained clothes. Your dad had beat you up, and you had a nose bleed, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember."

"I dragged you out of that play house, even if you fought back, and cursed, and hit me. You told me to 'fuck off' and to 'go to Hell' if I remember correctly. But I didn't."

"No, you didn't. You stayed with me, all that night. I remember." she felt how the tears burned behind her eyes, and she let them run.

"Well, there is your answer. That's when I fell for you, Margot."

There was an ocean of sadness in his eyes, and Margot could hardly bear it.

"I am so sorry." she breathed.

"That you do not feel the same? It's not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?"

"No one's." He tried to smile. "It just happened."

"Well, it shouldn't have happened. Not to you. You deserve to love someone who loves you back."

"Margot, come on. It's not going to go away just because you say so."

She hardly noticed that she was crying now, but her words came out uneven and felt like they'd stuck to her throat. "I'm so sorry, Hikaru. I must have hurt you a thousand times, and I'm so sorry for that. I am an idiot, a stupid, self-centered idiot!"

"No, you're not." He reached out to her, to gently wipe off her tears. As she felt his hand on her cheek, she tried to take it, but determinately he pulled his fingers out of her reach.

They looked at each other in silence for a few heartbeats.

"Hikaru." Margot whispered then, breaking the silence. "I want to give you something."

Suddenly the thing she had feared the most, felt almost easy. Slowly she raised her fingers to her belt and opened it, pulled the yukata off her shoulders. She was naked now, from the waist up, and she felt how her cheeks flushed.

Sulu didn't say anything, but Margot saw as he gulped. His adam's apple moved nervously, he pressed his lips tight and breathed in sharply. And in all this time, his eyes never left her face, not once did his gaze wander downwards.

Finally it was him to break the silence.

"Why?"

"Because I love you." she responded.

"But you are not in love with me, Margot."

"It doesn't matter. I can't stand to see you this miserable, and I want to make you smile again."

He closed his eyes for a moment, and when he spoke again, his words were calm, his voice hoarse of chained emotion. "I must refuse. I don't want you to be with me out of pity."

"It wouldn't be like that!" Margot protested.

"Then what would it be like?"

"A gift from a friend?"

"Margot, please. Just get dressed."

He waited until she finally did as he asked, and only then did he continue. "I don't want you to sleep with me out of pity, or of friendship. I want you to _want_ me. And if you never do, if it never happens... I suppose I'll live."

She felt like he'd stabbed her.

"Are you... are you rejecting me?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, but I have to."

"Oh, how dare you!" Margot snapped, her cheeks burning. "After all this? All I went through to please you?"

His lips curled into a half smile, that didn't reach his eyes. "You don't get a no very often, do you?"

"I don't. And I thought you'd know why."

Sulu became serious again. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but you must understand why I can't do it."

She didn't answer, she couldn't. The tears lurked in her eyes again, and she couldn't stop them from falling. Oh, she felt so stupid now! Her moronic outfit, her stupid tea ceremony. She must look ridiculous in her pink, flower patterned yukata, the lilies in her hair. Suddenly she was certain that he was secretly laughing at her. No wonder he had refused her, with her stupid, stupid silks and tea whisks.

Quickly she stood up, and rushed to the door.

"Margot, wait-" He rose to his feet and tried to stop her, but she pushed him away.

"Just, don't touch me!" she snapped. "That's the way you wanted it!"

And with that, she left him.

* * *

 **Later that day:**

"She told you then?" he asked.

"About the tea ceremony? How she went through all that trouble? And you were mean to her and made her cry?"

"And did she tell you why?"

"Not in so many words," Skylar said, sheathing her weapon. "But knowing Margot, I've got a pretty clear picture of what happened. You rejected her, huh? That must've taken some balls, after the way she threw herself at you."

"You've no idea." Sulu said darkly, folding his own katana and sitting next to Skylar. Fencing practice was over for now by mutual consent. "But it was the right thing to do."

"In terms of your sanity and self respect, yes." Skylar nodded. "But your libido may have committed a hara-kiri. If you don't bonk someone soon, you're going to burst."

"Bonk?!" Sulu laughed, which had been Skylar's goal. "Look who's talking! I've seen the way you carry on around Doctor McCoy. So nothing's happened after that kiss?"

"It's… complicated." Skylar replied, her favourite phrase of late. "And a long story."

"Ah. You mean because you have all those memories from the future where we're all dead and you're married to Commander Spock? And how his younger version is here, with all the charm of a Vulcan, which for some reason seems to do it for you? Yes, I can see how that could be complicated."

"Not as much as I thought, apparently" Skylar remarked dryly. "Who's been talking?"

"Jim. He thought I ought to know."

"How nice of him." Skylar said in a way that said she didn't think it was nice at all. "Did he share any other details about my personal life while he was at it?"

"Some things." Sulu admitted cautiously. He didn't like the look on Skylar's face and he didn't want to get his captain and friend in trouble. "Does it really matter?"

"Perhaps not, as long as you don't tell anyone else what you've learned." Skylar said. "So, are you alright? About Margot?"

"No." Sulu replied. He hesitated. "Tell me…" he began.

"No! Absolutely not! I refuse to divulge any details of the future. The Temporal Prime Directive is very clear in this situation."

"I don't want to play the friend card." Sulu warned her quietly.

"Meaning that you will." Skylar nodded. It's what she would've done under similar circumstances. "Ask, then. I will answer, if your questions are harmless in the grand scheme of things."

"Fair enough. Ok. So, did I ever… Does Margot… Does she love me? Will she love me?"

Skylar looked into Sulu's eyes: full of yearning, hope and fear for the worst. She had only one answer to give.

"Honestly? I don't know. In my reality Margot's been dead for three years at this point."

Sulu looked like he'd been hit.

"Is that all you can tell me?" He asked, when he could speak again.

"Well, you would have gotten over it, I believe. At least you got married and had a daughter."

"Married? To whom?"

"Now, I'm not going to tell you that, am I?" Skylar said. "That would definitely go under 'messing with the timeline' and I'm not allowed to do that."


	13. Let's play some poker

"This is officially the worst week of my life." exclaimed Margot and pressed her forehead on the table.

It was their night off, and they were sitting on a bar, killing time and drinking too much Plasma Streamers and Cardassian Kanars.

"Hardly the worst, Margot." stated Skylar and sighed.

"What? First I find out my life has been a lie, then Jim tells me he's not going to sleep with me anymore - some stupid guy thing, that you can't have sex with your best mate's girl - and I'm NOT Hikaru's girl by the way, so where is the problem? And on top of that all, that disastrous tea ceremony… oh my god."

Margot was so drunk she was blabbering on, and on, the same things over and over again. But then again, she did that when she was sober too.

Skylar gave her a grim look.

"So, Jim's not sleeping with you anymore?"

"No! And neither is anyone else." Margot took a sip of her Plasma Streamer and winced. "I might regrow my virginity soon."

"Unlikely." Skylar stated. "Maybe this'll do you good, being by yourself for a while. Selibacy isn't going to kill you, you know."

"It might." She was silent for a while, sucking on the straw of her drink. "I hate him. Have I told you I hate him? I _hate_ him!"

"Hikaru? Why this time - for not telling you he's in love with you, or for not sleeping with you?"

"I don't know! I just... Ah, he made everything so complicated! I like things when they're simple. Sex is sex, and love… I don't know. I just don't want to mix those two. Why couldn't he just fuck me and see that it's not such a big deal."

"But it is a big deal to him." Skylar said silently. "That's why he couldn't do it."

"I know." Margot responded, suddenly very serious. "I know. But I'm still angry at him."

"You're obsessed with him."

"I'm not!"

"You should get a hobby, to have something else to think about."

"I have hobbies!" Margot exclaimed, annoyed.

"Drinking and one night stands don't count as hobbies, Margot."

"I have other hobbies."

"Such as…?" she raised an eyebrow.

Margot was silent for a good while, her mind clearly buzzing to find an answer.

"Well, fencing." She finally said. "And other martial arts."

Skylar glared at her for a while. Sure, and practicing japanese tea ceremony, too. Were all her interest the ones Sulu shared too? But she knew better than to say it right now.

"So, tomorrow is thursday. Are you going to go fencing with him, then?"

"Well, it's up to him, isn't it?" she noted, and emptied her Cardassian Kanar. "I'm bored, let's go."

"Where?" Skylar said, but stood up anyways.

"You know, I've heard about this secret poker ring they have on Wednesdays. Let's go and take a peak."

Skylar knew about the poker game, alright. But she also knew why Sulu had insisted no one told Margot.

"Who told you?" she asked.

"Well you didn't - something I'm a bit angry at you by the way. It was Chekov."

"Chekov?" She was surprised. "That young navigator kid?"

"Yeah. He's cute." Margot grinned. "I think he has a crush on me."

Skylar rolled her eyes. "Just, don't sleep with him, alright? He's way too young for you!"

"Sure, whatever." Margot said, her mind clearly on other matters already.

Skylar picked up her Plasma Streamer, gulped it down, and followed Margot out of the bar.

* * *

"Heeeey, what is this! A secret poker game and we weren't invited!" Margot smirked stepping in the cabin, followed by sulky Skylar.

Kirk, Chekov, Scotty and Sulu looked up from their cards.

"Who told her?" asked Sulu silently, and Chekov met his eyes with a guilty look.

"Well you're here now." said Kirk. "Take a seat, ladies, and join the game if you wish."

He pulled a chair for Margot, and gave her the kind of look that made Skylar hope he hadn't forgotten about his promise not to sleep with her.

"Thank you Jim, I think we will." Margot smiled and took the seat. "Won't we, Skylar?"

"I think we should just go." she stated. "It's late and -"

"Well, you go then. I'll stay. I'm drunk and I'm bored, and I wanna have some fun." she had that wicked look on her eyes, the one that told Skylar that this was not going to end well.

Skylar bit her lip not to snap at her.

She could not leave her here alone now, could she?

"Fine." she said bitterly. "I guess we'll stay then."

"Oh, goodie!" Margot rubbed her hands together, excited as a child, and reached for a vodka bottle in the middle of the table. "Are there any glasses left, or should I just drink from the bottle?"

"I'll get you a glass." said Chekov, and jumped up to grant her wish. Kirk's amused gaze followed him, but Sulu had eyes only for Margot.

His gaze followed her every move, but she deliberately avoided his eyes, not even glancing at his direction. She was giving her best show now, the one Skylar had seen a dozen times before, the one that always made guys drool. Skylar grimaced as she watched how Margot was all giggles now, all smiles, and sighs, and long gazes. She knew who this show was for, and she suspected Sulu did too, but it sure as Hell left all the other guys breathless.

"Alright, gentlemen - and ladies." said Kirk finally, as he was dealing the cards. "Let's play some poker."

"Hey, wait!" interrupted Margot. "This _is_ the version where you strip your clothes when you lose, right?"

Kirk's hands stopped midair, and the cards fell from his fingers.

"It was not going to be." he stated.

"Oh, what's the fun in that?" Margot chirped, and gave him her best and most sinful, wicked grin.

But it was Sulu, who answered, his voice dark and level. "What are you doing, Margot? You know you suck in this game."

"Ah, you know, perhaps that's just what I'm best at - sucking." she stated, and sucked on a lollipop she had found from her pocket.

Kirk cleared his throat, and Chekov seemed like his eyes were about to pop out.

"Oh, lassie." said Scotty, as everyone else had apparently lost their gift of speech. "Let's cut down on that vodka, and play the game, shall we?"

"Fine." Margot grinned. "Let's see, who's the first one to lose their pants, you or me, mate."

It wasn't the first time Skylar played strip poker, but it was the worst.

Margot lost the first round, of course. And she had no problem taking off her shirt, revealing her ridiculously sexy, pink laced bra to everyone's eyes. Perhaps due to that, it was Kirk who lost the next hand, and he too took off his shirt as if it was no big deal. But after that it was Skylar's turn to lose, and she was not about to participate in this follinness.

"Oh, no way." she said, as everyone was looking at her. "There is no way I'll start stripping."

"Booooringgg." Margot muttered, and rolled her eyes.

Angered now, Skylar melodramatically removed her left shoe, and the game could continue.

After a few rounds it became obvious that Sulu had been right. Margot did suck in poker. She kept losing, and losing - and Skylar couldn't help thinking she did it on purpose. First it had been her shirt, then her boots, then her skirt, and now she was sitting by Kirk's side, wearing only her bra and panties, and a pair of stay up stockings.

The only ones fully clothed now, were Sulu (who kept folding his hands) and Chekov, who kept winning a hand after hand.

"Whoops, It seems I lost again." laughed Margot, and sipped down a glass full of vodka.

Melodramatically she raised her leg, placed her heel on the table, and very slowly, teasingly, began to roll down her stay up. Everyone's eyes followed her, like glued, everyone's except for Sulu's. He looked at Skylar from across the table, his eyes all sad and tormented, and Skylar could almost feel his pain.

"She does this for you." she mouthed silently to him.

Sulu's eyes told her that he knew.

But still neither of them could leave, and so the game went on. Chekov and Kirk won the next few hands, but Margot folded so she didn't have to strip any more, until a few rounds later.

She had a good hand, Skylar knew from the look on her eyes, and she kept on pressing after all the rest folded their hands. It was just her and Chekov left in the end, and finally they revealed their cards.

But she lost, and Chekov whooped of joy, gulped down his shot of vodka as Margot stood up.

She giggled and bit her lip, as she reached for the clasps of her bra, her eyes on Chekov, her cheeks burning.

But just then Sulu stood up.

"Enough." he said. "Enough already. I'll take her loss on me."

He said no more, just silently pulled off his shirt, and threw it on the table.

The room fell silent. Everyone stopped laughing, including Margot. She looked at Sulu now, her eyes storming.

"What are you trying to do? Patronize me?" she spit out. "Stop it - you're ruining the game."

"You did that all by yourself." stated Sulu bitterly, grabbed a glass and emptied it. "I'm leaving. Skylar - take her home."

"Hey! Don't you dare to walk away from me!" Margot yelled at his back, but in vain. He left, and it was obvious to everyone that the game was over.


	14. Fencing practice

" **You just got me started,**

 **Now you treat me like a fool.**

 **You turn me down cold-hearted,**

 **And I used to be so cool.**

 **Till you came and took my groove,**

 **with all your dirty moves.**

 **Oh, baby how can you be so cruel?"**

 **\- The Crash**

* * *

Margot bowed, then stood up straight, and raised her sword - the starting position of the fencing practice. They had used to practice together at least a few times a week, since they were kids, and everything in this moment was familiar to her. Except that nothing was like it had been just a few days ago.

She looked at him in the eye, but Sulus gaze revealed no emotion. Margot searched his face, trying to find any trace of the feeling she now knew was there, but his face was like frozen, his lips tightly pressed together, as he too took the starting position on the other side of the field.

Margot wasn't as good as hiding her feelings as he was. She let her anger lit her up, and she was the first one to attack. She leapt towards him, and smote with her sword, but he managed to fend her off. The swords met in the air, making a loud clang.

"I can't believe you never told me!" Margot hissed, as their faces were just inches apart.

Sulu retreated, and raised his sword. His body was strong and lean, every muscle well balanced and in control. But she saw her words got to him, as an anger that had been born the previous night at the poker table, suddenly flashed in his eyes.

"You were too busy sleeping with the whole world to hear me out." he stated.

"And you were too busy obsessing about me, to sleep with anyone!" Margot replied.

Skylar, who was sitting on the side, observing the match with Bones and Kirk, was shocked by her cruel words. "Ouch!" she flinched. "The first point goes to her."

But Margot was already attacking again, and this time her strokes were even fiercer and stronger. "All those times you held me in your arms," a blow - and a parry, "when I fell asleep on you bed," another fierce smite, "when you told me you'd always be there for me," Margot's attack made Sulu retreat all the way to the other end of the field, "did you dream, that you'd fuck me?"

"Every single time!" Sulu grimaced, and pushed her further, now attacking her for the first time. It was clear that he wasn't holding back, as his katana cut through the air, and Margot had to use all her skill and strength to be able to hold her ground.

She played time by retreating back to her side of the field, and taking the starting position again. She bowed to him, and he did likewise. She was sweating now, and she felt her heartbeat on her fingers as she clutched her sword.

Taking a deep breath she rushed towards him across the field. The blades met midair.

"You had no right to be jealous of me!" she breathed.

"And you had no right to make me feel this way!" his eyes were dark and tormented, but it just made her angrier.

She spinned around and tried to hit him from the other side, but he countered the attack.

"I'm not going to apologize for sleeping with Jim!" she spit out.

Every person watching the practice turned their eyes on Kirk.

He shrugged. "Don't pretend that you didn't know."

"I didn't!" said Chekov, taking a seat. "Was I the only one?"

Everyone nodded.

Chekov looked shocked. "How could you do that to Sulu, Jim?"

"Hey! I didn't know he was in love with Margot!" exclaimed Kirk, frustrated.

Skylar rolled her eyes. "You must've been the only one."

"Who knew about it, really?" asked Bones.

"I knew!" Chekov raised his hand. "And I thought so did everyone else."

"Well, I had no idea-" tried Kirk, but was cut mid sentence by the sounds of the training field.

The swords clanged together again, making a loud noise. Margot had attacked Sulu with all her strength and anger, and now it was him who had to fight hard to hold his ground.

"You broke the trust between us!" she spitted out.

"You broke my heart." he grimaced, and hit her so hard that they both lost their weapons.

Margot regained her balance instantly, and aimed a fierce kick to his chest - which he managed to dodge.

"I hate you!" she hissed, and attacked again, but as always he was better than she was, in close combat, and none of her attacks met their goal.

"I love you!"

His words cut her heart like a knife, and she froze. It was enough for his fierce blow to hit her chest, and as she fell backwards, the air leaving her lungs.

She laid on the mat on her back, desperately trying to catch her breath, a burning pain radiating from her sternum. When the world finally stopped spinning, she realized he was on top of her, pressing her firmly against the mat, holding her hands by her wrists. His face was very close to hers, and she felt his rapid breathing on her lips.

Margot gulped. A strange weakness washed over her, and made her pain diminish. She felt suddenly warm all over, and all small and vulnerable in his arms. She realized she had no idea how to release herself from his grip, and that actually she didn't even want to do that. What she wanted, was for him to kiss her.

"Oh." she breathed, her mouth watered, and she let her lips open.

Everyone at the audience was staring at them now.

"We should go." whispered Chekov. "I don't think they know we're here."

"Shut up!" hissed Skylar.

"Just kiss her!" muttered Kirk. "Kiss her, now!"

But Sulu stood up, leaving Margot laying on the field. Stiffly he walked away from her, not once glancing back at her direction.


	15. Sense and sensibility

"I can't believe he didn't kiss me!" Margot groaned, frustrated.

"If it makes you feel any better, neither can anyone else." Skylar replied.

It was three hours after the dramatic fencing practice. They were now sitting in Skylar's room, buried in her soft armchairs, drinking camomile tea and chatting.

"Why can't he just give me what I want? He had his revenge already."

"Come on, It's not a revenge. He doesn't have a vengeful bone in his body. He's just scared." Skylar stated.

Margot stared at her like she was speaking an unknown dialect

"Scared of what? He's wanted to have sex with me practically his whole life, and now he's scared to do it?"

"You're not that dumb - just think about it. He's afraid that if he does, you'll get tired of him in a heartbeat and dump him. It's not the sex he wants - it's you."

"God, I hate him." Margot scowled. "He's an asshat."

"Oh come on, that's hardly even a word." Skylar said, giving Margot a curious look. "Besides, what's this sudden interest to get him into your bed? If I remember correctly, just a few days ago you wouldn't have even looked at him that way."

Margot gave a long sigh, and lifted her long, slender legs on the table.

"I don't know. I guess you were right when you said I have an obsession. It's just… since he rejected me, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I keep wondering how would it be like. You know - I've noticed he's quite hot. He has the nicest- oh, just forget about it. I guess I'm just curious."

"Or in love." muttered Skylar.

"I'm sorry?" Margot looked up to her.

"The thought has crossed my mind."

Margot was silent for a long while, sipping her tea, which shocked Skylar. She had expected for her to deny it completely.

"Margot?" she asked after some time. "Are you? In love with Sulu?"

"To be honest? I don't know."

"What do you mean you do not know?"

Margot gave her friend a long, dark gaze, and then said quietly: "I've never been in love with anyone, Skylar. I do not know what it's supposed to be like."

"But... but-" Skylar kept searching for right words.

"I know, I know, I've had a million boyfriends... It doesn't mean I would've been in love with any of them."

Skylar didn't know what to say.

They were sense and sensibility, as far as she knew, her being the sense, and Margot… well Margot had always been the one with big feelings. She went from extacy to grief in a nanosecond, she cried of joy and of despair, and she laughed and got tantrums - all of her emotions were always bigger than life - or so Skylar had thought.

To hear her say, that she had never been in love - Well, it sure gave her something to think about.

"Are you serious?" she finally asked.

"Do I look like I'm joking?"

There was not a hint of a smile in Margot's eyes, not a trace of their familiar twinkle. Her green eyes were all dark and serious - a look Skylar hadn't seen often, and it made her nervous.

"There are many things you do not know about me, Skylar"

"Then enlighten me." She said, now equally serious.

"Yeah… maybe some other time." she shrugged, and took a sip of her tea - to avoid her gaze, apparently. "Who wants to dwell on the past anyways. I decided a long time ago, that I wouldn't let it define my future. That I would make my own life, my own destiny.

Skylar felt oddly disappointed - and curious.

Yeah, her own secrets were bigger than Mount Everest - and she knew she'd have to do some sharing sooner or later. But still, it hurt that even after everything that had happened, Margot didn't trust her enough to tell her about her past.

Apparently there were some things she let only Sulu know about her.

"About that, your future." Skylar sat up, and gave Margot her sternest look. "Now, tell me what is it exactly, that you feel for Sulu."

Margot gave a deep sigh, and thought for a moment.

"When we're not together, It's like I have this hole in my chest, It's like I can't breath, and I can't stop thinking about him. And then when we're together, I go all nervous, and I don't know what to say."

Skylar gave her a curious gaze, but didn't say anything.

"Today, when we fought," Margot continued, "and he pressed me down on the mat, I felt so weak in his arms, like all my strength left me. I wanted for him to kiss me, so bad, that when he didn't I thought I'd surely die… Skylar, I _want_ him. I want him between my thighs, on top of me, pressing me down on the bed, I want him inside of me every way I can think of, so bad that it's like I'm losing my mind if I don't have him soon."

"No more details, please, I get it. You want him - but you don't love him?"

"Don't be absurd!" Margot snapped. "Of course I love him. But I don't love him like I'd want to go on a date with him or get married or some other romantic crap. I love him, for he is the other half of my soul."

Skylar stared at Margot silently for a while.

Wow, she sure was slow.

"So, basically you're saying, that you want him insanely, and you love him more than anything else in this world."

"Yeah, that's about it."

Skylar rolled her eyes.

"What the Hell are you still doing here, Margot?"

It took a second for her words to sink in.

"Oh!" Margot breathed, stood up and rushed to the door, without even stopping to thank for the tea.


	16. Free my severed heart

**"Free my severed heart, give me you - I want it!"**

 **\- Slipknot**

* * *

With slow, focused moves, Sulu picked the dry leaves from his bonsai tree. His long, slender fingers softly caressed the branches, looking for areas that needed to be nurtured. But even if this was something that usually gave him peace, calmed his restless heart, he now found that he couldn't really concentrate.

His mind kept going back to Margot, and their training session.

Every inch of his body still felt her lying on the mat, tightly pressed against him.

Her small breasts, her heaving chest, her slender wrists on his grip. And oh God, the way her lips had opened - it had been almost irresistible.

He knew she had wanted for him to kiss her, had felt how her body had turned all soft and willing in his arms.

Sulu inhaled deeply, and tried to calm down.

Why did it have to be this hard!?

Why couldn't he just stop resisting, and give her what she wanted?

Would it really be so bad, to be one of Margot's toys? To have her - even for a short while - and then be thrown away when she'd get bored of him?

Sulu leaned on the table and looked out of the window, his thoughts as dark as the space.

Yeah, he knew he couldn't do it.

It was not in his nature to ruin their life long friendship, for just a few moments of pleasure.

But just then the doorbell interrupted his thoughts.

"Come in." he said, and the door opened with a hiss.

"Is this a bad moment?" Margot's silent, soft voice said, and Sulu quickly turned to face her.

"No, not at all. I'm just-" he looked away from her, to his plants.

"Gardening in space." Margot smiled. "So, how are they doing? Your bonsai trees?"

"Not good." He shrugged. "They hate it here in space."

"They just miss the sun - like we do."

"Yeah." he muttered, and then looked up to her eyes. "Why are you here, Margot? Is there something you want?"

She blushed, a deep tone of scarlett flushed her cheeks in a way he found charming.

"I just wanted to apologize." she said. "For having said all those horrible things to you, at the fencing practice. I did it just to hurt you, because I was mad at you. You know I don't really hate you, right?"

"I know." he said. "Besides, I'm the one who should apologize. I hit you too hard - I should've stayed and make sure you were all right."

"That's rubbish, I'm fine."

"I'm glad to hear that." Sulu said, and turned away from her, seemingly concentrating on his plants again. But really, he just couldn't look at her without losing his balance.

Why did she have to be so beautiful?

It was harder than ever to resist his desire. He had to lean on the table, and grip it's edge, not to walk to her and kiss her.

"Hikaru." he heard her silent voice after a short while. "I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah?" he still didn't look at her, but at the distant stars and galaxies in the vast darkness outside his window.

"Do I look like a Vulcan to you?"

"I'm sorry, what-" he turned around, and lost the gift of speech.

She had undressed her uniform, and was now standing in front of him, wearing nothing but her panties and a bra. They were of pink lace and revealed more than they covered - and Sulu felt his knees going weak.

"I said: do I look like a Vulcan?"

"I… Um. No?" Sulu stammered. "Why?"

He couldn't help it now. His gaze wandered down from her face, to her small breasts, to her tiny waist, and her curvy hips. He inhaled sharply, his blood suddenly like molten lava in his veins, and a tug of lust made his groin ache.

"Cause I sure as Hell feel like one now." Margot looked him in the eye. She slowly reached for the clasp of her bra, opened it and let it fall to the floor.

Sulu did nothing to stop her, he couldn't.

By God, the way starlight made the milky white skin of her chest glow in the dim room - it made his heart miss a beat.

"I must have Pon Farr." Margot whispered, and pulled down her panties, very slowly stepped out of them. "For I feel that my blood is boiling, and I'll surely die, if you don't make love to me right now."

She was just standing there now, all naked, just looking at him.

Waiting for him to reach out to her. To kiss her, to touch her, to make love to her.

Sulu felt the agonizing need pulsing in his veins as he looked at her, his erection pressed hard against the fabric of his pants. He had to lean back and grab the edge of the table, to be able to stay put.

"Margot, I… " he began. "I mean, it's…." but the words were lost. "I just… and you don't-" He knew he was making no sense, and shut up, bit his lip, and gulped.

There was starlight in her eyes, and it took his breath away.

"Oh, fuck it!" he breathed, stepped to her, and pulled her into his arms.

* * *

He kissed her hard, demanding, and his arms pulled her near, pressed her tight against his chest.

It felt so right, and so good, Margot couldn't help but to moan.

"I love you!" Sulu breathed into the kiss.

Margot wrapped her arms around him, pushed her fingers to his hair and pulled him near.

"Don't speak." she panted. "Just kiss me."

Oh, and he did. In a way that left her all weak and high headed.

She'd had no idea he was such a great kisser. Margot heard her own heartbeat humming in her ears, as he pulled her near by the waist.

If the kisses were like this, how was the rest going to be?

Her hands were trembling, as she pulled up the hem of his shirt, and laid her fingers on his abdomen. He ripped off the shirt, and kissed her again, now pulling her near so that her naked breasts were tightly pressed against him.

His skin was so warm, his arms so strong, and the way he kissed her was so desperate, so pure and full of yearning now, that it left her breathless.

And then his hands were on her breasts. She inhaled sharply, as he tugged on them, bent down to kiss them, sucked on her hardened nipples, and she felt his touch as an electric current that flashed through her body, straight to her crotch.

She ran her fingers through his hair, ruffled it, and pulled his face up for another kiss. He held her tight against him, and agonizingly Margot felt the bulge in his pants pressing against her abdomen, and she reached her fingers to caress it through the fabric. He moaned, as she pressed her palm on his erection, and rubbed it gently.

Sulu began to open his belt, and just then Margot noticed his hands were shaking.

"Let me." she breathed, and quickly opened the belt, and the buttons of his pants. She pulled down his pants, and boxers, and revealed his hard erection.

"Margot, I-" he began, but she had already grabbed his cock, and began to caress it, and he just couldn't speak anymore. He made a desperate groan, as Margot gripped him tighter, and began to pump up and down, her delicate fingers pleasing his whole length.

"You're so hard!" she breathed into his mouth, "I love it."

He groaned, as she momentarily let go of his shaft, and knelt down before him.

She looked up to him, through her lashes, and knowing what she was about to do, he gulped nervously, but placed his hands on her hair, gently caressing her curls.

Margot gripped the base of his shaft, and slowly kissed the head of it, little by little taking it into her mouth.

"My God…!" groaned Sulu, and pulled on her hair. "Holy fuck, that's good!"

She answered by sucking his cock deep into her mouth, so that it hit her throat.

Sulu made a loud moan, and cursed again, but it only encouraged her to go on.

God, his member felt good in her mouth! She loved the salty taste of it, and the feeling of being able to give him this much pleasure, was intoxicating.

She sucked on him hard now, and at the same time pumped him, fastening her pace,

until he was panting, and cursing out loud.

"God, Margot, you have to stop!" he pleaded, and pulled out of her mouth.

"Why?" she looked up to him. She didn't want to stop - she had only just started.

"'Cause I don't want to come like this."

"I don't mind." she grinned. "I like it."

But he had already knelt down, and pulled her into his arms, into a fierce kiss.

"I mind." he breathed hoarsely. "I want you to feel as good as I do."

And with that he laid her down on the floor, opened her legs and came between them. His lips were on her crotch then, and began to kiss her, on a way that made her curse out loud.

"Holy Mother of God!" she moaned, as he sucked on her, gently, and at the same time, very carefully, pushed a finger inside of her.

His hot breathing, his lips, his tongue on her, made her lose all sense.

She couldn't help it - she was sobbing now, her legs shaking, her hands gripping his hair so that her knuckles went white. But he just kept on pleasing her, now with two fingers, and then three.

"Oh God, I'm gonna-" Margot breathed. "-Please, Hikaru, please…!"

But she didn't know what she was asking for him to do, to go on or to stop. For she never wanted this to end, but also she knew this was just the foreplay, and her groin ached to get his cock inside of her.

He chose the latter option, and agonizingly pulled his fingers out of her, making her moan desperately.

And then he was on top of her. Margot gasped as she felt his naked body pressing her down against the hard floor. He was no more Mr. Nice Guy - he was all rough and demanding now, as he kissed her, and she opened her legs to him. He pressed her against the floor, hard, and Margot felt his strong erection on her lower abdomen, hot and ready to enter her - and she was ready, she wanted it so much it hurt.

But just then he stopped, breathing heavily he gulped and took a moment to just look at her face.

Margot saw the desperate love in his eyes, and also fear, and it shook her to the core of her being.

She knew as well as he did, that what they were about to do now, was going to change everything - and yeah, it was scary.

"Shhh, it's alright." she breathed, and caressed his cheek, followed the line of his jaw with her fingers. "I'm right here."

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." he breathed, and kissed her.

And with that he pushed in, his hard cock entered her, and a desperate moan of pleasure escaped from Margot's lips.

Oh, it was so big! Even if he had prepped her, it now felt as if he'd cut her open, that his cock reached through her whole body and hit her heart.

"Does it hurt?" he breathed, and stopped.

"Yeah," she moaned. "But please, please, don't stop!"

She wrapped her thighs around his hips, and pulled him close, so close that his cock was as deep as it could possibly go.

Sulu groaned, and cursed. He grabbed her hands by the wrist - just like he had on the fencing practice - and pushed them against the floor. Margot knew now, that there was no way, she could escape his grip - not that she'd want to. He began to fuck her hard now, every thrust was deep and strong, and his pace fastened.

"God, Margot, I can't-" he moaned, and pressed his forehead against hers. "I can't... much longer-"

"Yeah...!" she breathed, and kissed him. "Please! I'm gonna-"

But she couldn't finish the sentence, as he thrusted deep inside of her, on just the right angle to push her off the edge. She screamed, as she came - a fierce orgasm washing over her like a wave.

"Oh, fuck! God!" he cursed, feeling her orgasm on his hard cock. And pinning her against the floor, he came too, deep inside of her.


	17. In fire

" **Do you see a guy like me and a girl like you**

 **Shagging by the fire, on a honeymoon?**

 **Because that could be reality to you and me,**

 **if you just get what I've got.**

 **Baby that could be reality, eternally**

 **if you just get what I've got, and that is a frickin' lot."**

 **\- The Crash**

* * *

"You gave me three." she giggled. "Three times. Oh my God, Hikaru."

"Yeah well, who's counting?" he grinned, and gently caressed her ruffled up curls.

They lay on the bed, exhausted, sweaty and high headed. Sulu held Margot in his arms, still unable to stop touching her. It was mind blowing to have her here, in his bed - all relaxed and satisfied in his arms.

"I am counting." she smiled. "So, was it as good as you imagined..?"

"Better, oh so much better." he breathed, and buried his face in her hair. "So was it good for you too?

"You really need to ask?" her voice was teasing.

"Perhaps I just want to hear you say it."

"It was perfect." she said, and pulled his face closer, kissed him, let the kiss linger on for a long time. "You were perfect."

Perfect. Hell yeah! Sulu felt happiness, so deep and complete, it filled him from head to toe. But still, there was something he simply could not shake off.

"Then it was better than… than with Jim?"

"Why do you ask that?" Margot looked at her, with a hint of disapproval.

"Nothing, it's stupid. It's just a guy thing."

"I'm not going to compare the two of you, it would be too weird." she sighed and rolled her eyes. "But if you must know, yes, this was better than anything I did with Jim. Ok? No need to discuss it any more?"

"No need." he smiled, relieved. "I'm satisfied with that."

"Satisfied, huh?" she purred, and snuggled closer. "Well I'm not. I want more."

"Be careful what you wish for." he breathed into her ear, his voice all hoarse now, and rolled on top of her.

* * *

After yet another round of mind blowing lovemaking, they lay on the bed, exhausted.

It was like he just couldn't get enough of her, and it was intoxicating to see that she felt likewise. How many years had he waited for this to happen? Too long. God, he should've told her everything years ago.

"So, what's going to happen now?" he asked finally, gently caressing her shoulder as she laid in his arms.

"More sex?" Margot grinned, and looked up to him, but then broke into a laugh. "No, just kidding. I must be able to walk tomorrow, after all."

"You know what I mean. What's going to happen to us now?"

"What would you want to happen?"

"Margot, I love you." he said, his voice all serious now. "I want to be with you every day, all the time. I want you, all of you, and for me only. That's what I want to happen."

"Yeah." Margot sighed, and looked away. "That's a lot."

"You asked." he said, and felt his heart breaking as she didn't meet his eyes.

"I still don't get it." Margot shrugged. "That you want me. I mean, you could do so much better. You're this wonderful guy, a knight in a shining armor, a real catch. You are every girl's dream come true, Hikaru, and I - well, I am a whore."

"No, you're not."

"I am, don't try to argue. And I've been called worse too. I have cheated on practically all of my boyfriends, you know. I might not know how to do this, this… relationship thing. I don't know if I can promise that I'll be faithful to you."

"I don't care." he said, knowing well enough that it was a lie. But he knew he couldn't live without her either, not after tonight.

"You're a bad liar. It would break your heart if I cheated on you."

"You'll break my heart anyways." he whispered, and that was the truth, for he felt the pain caused by her words as a knife cutting through his heart.

She had said, he was perfect, that what they had done was perfect. Why wasn't that enough for her? Why couldn't she even lie that it was? Her honesty would kill him in the end, he knew, but still he'd never be able to live without her either.

He kissed her, all sweet and gentle now, and let the kiss linger on for a long time. When he finally let go, her breathing was all fast and shallow, and the pupils of her green eyes were dilated.

"I'll give you all my heart and my soul. If that's not enough for you, then it isn't." he said finally. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

"Then you'll have me like this?" she breathed, surprised. "With all my flaws?"

"There are no flaws in you. You are perfection." he said, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Okay," she sighed. "Let's see if I can be all nice and good. I'll try that, for you."

"You don't have to be all good. But save the naughty parts for me, will you?" He said, his voice all hoarse and husky again. He pulled her near, and kissed her, lighting up the fire inside of her again. And when she wrapped her slender arms around his shoulders and pulled him on top of her, he knew.

He was like a moth flying into the flame.

This was all going to end in fire.


	18. Kiss and tell

As Sulu woke up in the morning, the first thought in his mind was 'It was a dream."

He gasped, and sat up - just to see that Margot was really there.

She was still sleeping, breathing softly in her sleep. She lay on her side, on a fetal position, like a child, and her red curls formed a halo around her face. He loved the way she looked now, all innocent and pure, and peaceful.

He just looked at her for a while, and tried to wrap his thoughts around the fact that they had really slept together.

Oh Lord, what a night it had been. He felt all sore and aching, and still deep inside of him a desire light up again as he remembered the things they had done. He wondered if he should wake her up, kiss her and… and then he'd have to go to work.

Yeah, better let her sleep, he decided, got up from the bed and headed to bathroom. A cool shower was just what he needed.

When he returned from the shower a few minutes later, Margot was awake too. She stretched on the bed, all naked, looking gorgeous.

"Good morning, Hikaru." she gave him a wide smile, and eyed him from head to toe.

She had this sinful look in her eyes, and all the childlike innocence was gone. Suddenly he was very aware of the fact that he was only wearing a towel, wrapped around his hips. Her gaze stopped on her groin, and that was enough to make him hard again.

Stiffly he walked to the bed, and sat down. "Did you sleep well?" he asked.

"I always do, when you're with me." she said, moved closer to him and pulled him into a kiss.

It was steamy, hot and needy, and suddenly he felt the lust burning in his veins. His heart was beating fast and hard now, and all he wanted was to press her down on the bed, and have her.

God damn it, he had to go to work. He groaned desperately, as he pulled back from the kiss.

"God, I'm so sorry, but I really have to go." his voice felt thick in his throat.

"That's not fair." Margot breathed. "I want you to stay here and fuck me."

Oh, why did she have to say things like that to him? He had to breath in and out a few times to get his head back in the game.

"I can't." he said, but kissed her again anyway. "My shift starts in 30 minutes."

"A quickie?" she grinned. "Let's be really fast."

He groaned, and pulled her to another kiss. A quickie? She was crazy, but he was loving every inch of her madness. Panting now, he checked the time. "I have ten minutes, fifteen at tops."

"Then what are you waiting for?" she asked purring, and pulled him towards her, to the bed.

There was no time for foreplay, they both knew it, and so she just wrapped her thighs around him. His erection was hard and strong, and as she pulled him near, he easily entered her.

But as his member cut through her, she winced and a small cry of pain escaped from her lips. Sulu pulled out immediately.

"I don't want to hurt you!" he said firmly. "If you're not ready, just say so."

"Oh, I'm ready." she opened her eyes, and looked at him. "You just left me a bit sore last night."

"We don't have to do this." he said, and meant it - even if stopping now would be pure torture.

"But I want to." her eyes were full of yearning, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulled him closer. "Just go easy on me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." He breathed. "I'll try."

He was burning from lust, his hands trembling, and his heart beating like a bass drum, as he pushed in again - oh, she was so tight, he thought he'd come right away - but he tried his best to calm down, be slower, more careful.

And now her cry was the one of pleasure.

* * *

Twenty minutes later Sulu was showered again, dressed in his uniform - and hurrying to catch a lift. He pressed the button, and waiting impatiently for the lift to arrive, checked the time again.

He should still make it, if the lift just came.

Finally it did, and he stepped in.

"Good morning, Mr. Sulu." said Kirk. "So, you and Margot, huh?"

Sulu blinked a few times. "I'm sorry, Sir?"

"You and Margot, I hear. If I may say so, about damn time." He gave a friendly slap on his shoulder. "Congratulations, man. I'm happy for you."

"How?" was all Sulu managed to say. "How do you know?"

"Well, Margot might have called me. Just a few minutes ago."

"Why?!"

"To tell me that she has found it in her to forgive me that I broke up with her. She said that she hardly misses me at all now, that she's in your bed."

"Oh Lord." Sulu stammered. This was awkward beyond imagination.

"What I'm trying to say is… That we're fine now, aren't we, Sulu?" Kirk asked, and looked him in the eye. "No hard feelings?"

He was offering his hand, and hesitating only for a short moment, Sulu took it, and they shaked on it.

"Yeah, we're fine." he said. "Just keep your hands off her from now one, will you Jim?"

But just then the doors opened, and Chekov stepped in.

"Good morning!" he said cheerfully, and then - noticing the weird setting in the lift, "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

"No, no. We just shook on the fact, that Margot's Sulu's girl now."

"Wow, she is?" Chekov's eyes widened. "That's great. I'm so happy for you!"

"Okay, guys." said Sulu. "This is getting a bit too awkward. Yeah, it happened, yeah it was great - but let's just move on, alright?"

"But you seem so happy." said Chekov. "It was good, no?"

"I'm no kiss and tell." Sulu said and rolled his eyes.

"Luckily Margot is." Chuckled Kirk. "I believe her words were: 'Oh My God' and 'tremendous' and 'multiple or-'"

"Alrigh, alright!" Sulu snapped, and reached for the button on the wall. "Enough of this - I'll just walk."

But as he stepped out, he almost walked into Spock, who gave him a curious look.

"Good morning, gentlemen." Spock said. "You were discussing something?"

"Sulu had sex last night." stated Chekov. "With Margot."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Lieutenant de la Faye? What of it?"

"Nothing!" Sulu was annoyed beyond belief. "Nothing of it, commander. I shall see you on the bridge, gentlemen."

"Right." said Kirk, and winked an eye. "But well done, Mr. Sulu."

"I wasn't aware that it was a human custom to congratulate someone after a successful mating." Sulu heard Spock's voice as the doors hissed and closed.

Was there no privacy on this ship?!

He groaned in desperation, and began to walk towards the bridge.


	19. Marry me baby!

**Six months later:**

These had been the best six months of her life.

Margot lay on the bed and looked at the man by her side. They had just made love, and she still felt his touch on her skin, his kisses on her lips.

Oh God, his kisses - the best ones she had ever had. Margot just couldn't get enough of his lips, that knew just how to keep her satisfied.

During the past months their hearts and bodies had grown accustomed to each other. There was gentleness and intimacy in their lovemaking now, as well as passion, and it was something Margot had never experienced before.

It was wonderful - but it was scary as Hell too.

Six months - it was an eternity. And sometimes the magnitude of that word kept her awake at night. She was so happy, but still her heart felt all heavy and restless. Every inch of her being tried to convince her that she didn't really deserve this.

This was too good to be true.

Margot looked in Sulu's eyes, and saw nothing but love. He smiled at her, he always did when he saw her - like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Like there was nothing wrong with her.

And it made her feel like a liar, for she knew she was flawed. She was damaged, and no amount of his love could fix her tainted soul.

She tried to shake off the disturbing thoughts. It was one thing to ponder on them when she was alone. She didn't want her low self esteem to ruin her moments with him as well.

"I love you." she whispered, and placed her fingers gently on his cheek, followed the line of his jaw, his gorgeous lips. "You know that, right?"

"Yeah." he whispered. "Let's get married."

Margot's body went all stiff. Her eyes widened.

"What?" She sat up, and stared at him. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. Let's get married."

A paralyzing fear and anxiety flashed through her heart like a sword. She moved away from him, as far as she could on the bed. "No! No, no, no, no, no! Never!"

"Ouch." Sulu looked away from her, and sat up. "Why don't you rip off my heart while you're at it."

"I'm sorry ... but, Hikaru, that's a horrible idea! Why on Earth would you want to get married?" Margot voice reflected the panic she felt. "We have this wonderful thing going on. Is this not enough for you?"

Sulu shrugged. "I don't know. It might not be. I want more, Margot. I want for us to be a family."

"A family?" The word brought a foul taste to her lips. " _You_ are my family. You have always been - but that's not what you mean, is it?"

"No, it isn't."

"You want to get married." she stated. "And have… a family. What are you saying? That you want to have kids?"

"Why not?" He said, and something like a dare flashed in his eyes.

"Because!"

"Margot, come on. It's not like I want to have kids now. But I want to marry you, and I want to have a future with you. A future where we have kids someday. All I'm asking is that, you think about it."

"That's out of the question!" Margot stated and got out of the bed.

"It is?" Sulu looked at her now, and there was something new in his eyes.

He wasn't happy with her. Like he finally saw her true face and didn't like it.

"Yeah, it is. I don't want to get married. Or have kids - ever. I thought you knew it."

"Well I didn't."

"Now you do." Margot snapped. "Can you see me as your wife, really? And I would be the worst mother in the universe. I never had one, you know. I have no idea how to become one either."

"We would be in it together, you know."

Margot didn't answer. She searched her shirt and pulled it on, as well as her pants - without even bothering to take time and find her underwear. It was like there was a weight on her chest, and she could hardly breath - she had to get out of there, and fast.

"Are you listening to me at all?" she finally asked, stepping into her shoes. "I don't want us to be in it together. I don't want to be in that future at all."

He looked her in the eye, and Margot saw as the truth sank in. It was unbearable to watch as his expression changed, and something cruel flashed in his eyes.

When he finally spoke, his voice was all even and seemingly emotionless.

"Skylar said, that in the reality she came from, I had a daughter."

"Oh, you mean the reality where I'm dead and you're married to someone else?" Margot spat out, her words sharp as a dagger. "'Cause you know, it can be arranged."

"Come on, I didn't mean it like that." Sulu said, and tried to reach out to her, but Margot was already on her way to the door.

"I don't even want to know how you meant it." she breathed. "Just leave me be. It's over."

The door closed between them before the tears burst out of her eyes, but as she ran to her quarters, they just didn't stop flowing.


	20. Nobody ever works around here

Margot took a gulp of whiskey, and wiped her running nose on her sleeve.

She hadn't felt this alone since that damn fiasco at USS Raven, and she had almost forgot how much loneliness sucked - almost as much as crying did.

First she'd had this stupid argument with Skylar - who had finally revealed her secrets about that past/future/alternate whatever mess that Margot really didn't even want to understand. And now Hikaru…

She didn't want to think about it.

Tears burst in her eyes, trying to start running again, but she bit her lip and stopped them.

Nope, she definitely would not think about Hikaru now. She took another gulp from the bottle she'd been hugging, and stood up on her shaky feet.

This was pathetic. Here she was, Margot de la Faye, crying after a guy. She hated herself for that, for the weakness she felt, and for the unbearable heartache she had no way of coping with.

She looked at the mirror, and hated what she saw - her eyes all red and swollen, her hair a mess. Nothing but a pathetic crybaby, a worthless wimp.

A note to self: never fall in love. Never again.

She knew just what she needed to get over this mess. With a determinate look in her eyes she put the bottle down and rushed out of her cabin.

* * *

The lift doors opened with a hiss, and in stepped a familiar petite figure.

Margot, Kirk noticed, his heart skipping a beat. Damn, she was pretty, the thought flashed in his mind before he had time to stop it. But he didn't have to be genius to see that something was very wrong with her now.

It was obvious she had been crying, she looked miserable - and there was a strong scent of alcohol in the air around her.

"Holy shit - do you live in a lift, Jim?" Margot gave a nervous giggle. "You're here like every time I step in."

"I don't, but thank's for asking." He raised an eyebrow. "Margot… is everything alright? You seem-"

"Drunk?" Margot looked up to his eyes, and leaned her back on the wall. "That's because I am. And no, everything is not alright."

Kirk pressed the button to stop the lift. "Okay, tell me what's wrong?"

Margot rolled her eyes and gave a deep sigh.

"Hikaru proposed to me."

"Ouch." Kirk winced. "That's not good."

"Well, thank you! That's what I said!" Margot exclaimed. "And when I wasn't all happy happy joy joy, he was throwing at me these alternate realities, other wives and kids and how I'm supposed to be dead!"

Kirk blinked a few times.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Ah, nothing. Just forget about it." Margot shook her head. "Hey Jim, are you in a hurry?"

"I'm off duty, and I have absolutely no plans for tonight." He answered. "You want to have a drink? Or some coffee?"

"I'd love to, have a drink it is. I'm not nearly drunk enough." Margot wiped her eyes, and smiled at him. "You know what else I'd like?"

There was something wicked in her eyes, something that made him suddenly nervous.

"Tell me."

"I'd like for you to fuck me senseless." Margot whispered and stepped closer to him.

Kirk knew he should've stopped her.

She was drunk, and unstable, and he knew what they were about to do was not right, but he just couldn't stop her. He was unable to raise his hands to grab her shoulders, to push her away - and so he just let her walk to him, oh so close to him, that he felt her petite body pressing against his own.

He felt like an idiot, but he just stood there, and let it happen.

And then her lips were on his. A burning lust rushed through his body to his groin, as he tasted her mouth - the alcohol, the tears - and he couldn't help but to pull her into his arms, and kiss her.

God, it felt so good - he groaned, as the need filled his veins, and made him hard. Margot pressed her small breasts against his chest so that he felt her hardened nipples, and wrapped her slender arms on his neck, pulling him ever closer, deeper into the kiss, and he felt like he was about to lose all sense.

He was breathing heavy now, his chest heaving. There was an agonizing pressure in his pants, an ache in his groin. He wanted nothing more than to have her, right here and right now, to throw her against that wall and thrust deep inside of her slender form, and-

Oh, he really had to stop kissing her!

Gently, but very firmly he pushed her away.

"This is a very bad idea." He breathed. "We shouldn't do this."

"Why not?" something like anger flashed in her eyes.

"And what of Sulu?"

"It's over. I left him."

Kirk felt his determination weakening. He wanted to touch her so much, that it was almost impossible not to. He was so turned on by her closeness, that it was agonizing - this was the exact reason why he had deliberately avoided her after she'd become Sulu's girl.

"Nevertheless, this isn't right. He's my friend, and I-"

"And I don't care!" Margot snapped. "I'm not good at doing the right thing. I suck at it. And I'm sick and tired of thinking about other people's feelings. I'm miserable and alone, and drunk, and I know you can make me feel better, Jim. I've missed it, what we had… and I know you've missed it too."

"But-" Kirk tried once more, but Margot interrupted him.

"Jim, I really need you tonight." She stepped closer, so close that he could feel her scent of whiskey and roses in the air around her. He gulped, as she reached her hand - as if to touch him - but really to press the button, that made the lift move again. "Are you coming with me or not?"

The look in her eyes made his blood boil. He knew, he'd lost.

"Yeah, I am." he groaned, and pulled her yet into another kiss. The doors opened, and taking her hand Kirk followed Margot out.


	21. Breakfast at Tiffany's

" **He tried hard to help me,**

 **you know, he put me at ease.**

 **And he loved me so naughty,**

 **made me weak in the knees.**

 **I'm so hard to handle,**

 **I'm selfish and I'm sad.**

 **Now I've gone and lost the best baby,**

 **that I ever had."**

 **\- Joni Mitchell**

* * *

Margot woke up to the sound of the doorbell.

She had no memory of last night, but the foul taste on her mouth told her it had something to do with whisky. She groaned desperately, trying to open her eyes.

What time was it?

The unbearable sound of the doorbell cut through her aching head again.

"Come in." She muttered and rubbed her sore eyes. And suddenly she remembered - breakfast with Pavel, like every tuesday.

Startled, she sat up - to realize she was naked. And she wasn't alone.

Jim Kirk's gorgeous, muscular form lay in the bed, uncovered, and told Margot exactly what had happened the night before. And thus it was clear to Chekov too, as he stepped into the room - and the view instantly destroyed his happy smile.

"What on Earth?!" exclaimed Chekov. "You said I could come in!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Margot covered her face with her hands. "I was asleep. And I have the worst hangover. God, I'm so sorry!"

Chekov had turned his back, and was now leaning on the door frame. He gave a deep sigh, and shook his head in a very disapproving way.

"Margot, why? Why would you do something like this to Sulu?"

The accusing and sad tone of his words made her heart crumble to pieces. Hikaru… what on Earth would she say to him? She tried to push the thought away, at least for a while, and punched Kirk on the shoulder.

"Jim, wake up!" Margot poked him again. "Get up!"

"What ...?" Kirk slowly lifted his head. There was a strong scent of old whiskey in his breath, and Margot vaguely remembered that she had demanded for him to drink it from her navel - and other parts. Oh crap, she really, really didn't want to remember that.

"Wake up! You need to get out of here, right now."

"What the Hell." Kirk muttered. "What are _you_ doing here, Chekov?"

"I came for breakfast ... But I can skip it. I should just go, and-"

"Stop!" Margot yelled. " _You_ 're not going anywhere!"

There was no way she'd let him out of her sight now - not before she had a plan on how to keep all of this a secret. But Kirk instead… She just couldn't get him out of her sight fast enough. Just seeing him here made her self loath almost unbearable. Like her heart was being cut out of her chest.

"I was drunk, Jim!" she spat at him. "Why didn't you stop me!"

Kirk sat up, angered now. "Hey! I tried, alright! But I thought you knew what you were doing."

"I **never** know what I'm doing!" Margot yelled as she staggered out of bed. "Just get up, and get out of here. God, I can't even look at you now!"

"It was you, who dragged me here, you know." Kirk muttered, searching for his clothes, and there was an angry tone in his words.

"I know, I know... I'm really sorry." Margot got dressed as she was speaking - her bra was hanging from a lamp, and she had to jump to get it down. "I'm sure last night was great and all, but this has been a _horrible_ mistake. Please, just leave before I come back, will you?"

"And where are you going?" Kirk asked, raising an eyebrow.

Margot was already at the door. He grabbed Chekov's arm, and said: "I'm going to have a little chat with Pavel. Meanwhile, Jim: get out of here, please. And if you see Hikaru, for God's sake, don't say a thing!"

* * *

Just a few moments later, Margot (nervously swaying from foot to foot), and Chekov (too puzzled to say anything), stood at Skylar's door. Yeah, she had been mad at Skylar for keeping secrets from her, but this was an emergency - something only a girlfriend could help to fix.

"Who's there?" Skylar voice asked. "At this hour?"

"Skylar! Let us in, I need your help!"

"Margot? Just give me a moment."

The door opened, and Margot rushed in. She had to drag the unwilling Chekov in, holding his hand.

"I hope you're decent, I'm not alone." Margot exclaimed, just to see how Skylar - still in her pajamas - stepped out of the bathroom.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Good morning." Chekov said, and gave an awkward smile and a wave.

"Good morning... What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm not really sure." Chekov shrugged. "Margot said, that -"

"I'll tell you right away, Skylar, but for Heaven's sake, just give me a cup of coffee before my head explodes, and some breakfast to the kid - I'm sure he's starving."

"The replicator is over there, take what you want." Skylar gestured, and took a seat. Margot collapsed on couch next to her, leaving it to Chekov to take care of food and beverages.

"Go on, tell me." Skylar stated. "What is it this time?"

"I want _you_ to tell Pavel, why he absolutely can not tell Hikaru, that I had sex with Jim."

Skylar blinked a few times.

"WHAT?!"

"Oh, come on, don't be so surprised." Margot said, and took her steaming hot coffee mug from Chekov. "You know what I'm like."

"Yeah, but ... but I thought that you were happy with Sulu."

"I was. Until he started talking about marriage and having children." Margot looked down. "After that, it all went to Hell."

"Did he propose to you?" asked Skylar, shocked.

"Sulu proposed to you, and you went to have sex with Jim?" Chekov looked horrified. "That's not right! Why would you do something like that?"

"Because I'm a horrible slut! That's why!" Margot yelled. God, she knew they were right, but still it hurt. "Anyways, it's not that I need to talk to you about. What's done, is done. But I need a plan, Skylar. Hikaru can not find out about this."

Skylar nodded. "I agree - and don't you look so disapproving, Chekov. Margot is right in this one."

"No, she isn't." He took a seat on the couch, still without breakfast. "Sulu has a right to know!"

"I just knew you'd say that." Margot sighed. "You're too young, you don't understand. I can't tell him - it would kill him if I did."

"You should have thought about that, before you did what you did." Chekov scowled at her, and shook his head.

"Well, I can't take it back, can I?" asked Margot, and took a sip of her coffee.

For a while they argued about the situation, Skylar doing her best trying to convince Chekov that Margot was right, but after a few minutes Margot noticed her thoughts were drifting.

She just couldn't get Sulu out of her mind.

He had always been there for her, loved her like no one else. He was the one who had accepted her with all her flaws, with her demons and her nightmares. He had held her in his arms, made love to her like no one else, told her he'd always take care of her.

He had trusted his heart on her hands.

And this was how she returned the favor. By cheating on him, and lying to him about it.

She couldn't justify her actions, she knew it now. And hearing Skylar's arguments on her behalf, only made her realize it more clearly.

"Just… just be quiet, both of you." She said suddenly, cutting in the middle of an argument. "Pavel's right. I have to tell him."

"What?" Skylar said. "Why? You know how it's gonna turn out."

"I know. I'm going to break his heart." Margot closed her eyes to stop the tears from falling. "But when we started this… this thing, I told him that even if I couldn't always be faithful, I would always be honest with him. That's why I have to tell him - I promised."

"Oh, Margot." Skylar shook his head. "That's a very bad idea."

"Yeah." Margot shrugged. "It seems they are all I have."

Her heart felt overwhelmed by grief now that she had made her decision. She knew all too well, that her sins would crush Sulu's heart into pieces.

It wasn't like this was the first time she had cheated on a boyfriend - on the contrary, so she was well aware she'd broken her share of men's hearts. But this time was different.

This heart was the first she cared about.

"Are you sure?" Skylar asked, all serious now.

Margot nodded.

"Do you want for me to come with you?"

"No... I'll have to do it alone." Margot stated.

"You know, if it goes badly, I have chocolate."

Margot tried to give her a smile, but it was impossible. The fear and regret in her heart made her chest feel so heavy, she could hardly breath. Slowly she stood up, and walked out of the cabin, to do the impossible.


	22. Gone, all gone

" **I sever myself from my whole life,**

 **I cut out the only thing that was right!**

 **What if I never saw you again?**

 **I'd die right next to you in the end."**

 **\- Slipknot**

* * *

She found him in his cabin, still asleep in his bed.

Margot sat on the floor next to the bed, and just looked at him for a while. His black hair was a mess, his eyes closed, and he breathed peacefully in his sleep. All she wanted, was to wake him up, run her fingers through his hair, and see the smile in his eyes. The smile that was there every time he saw her. But now…

God, what had she done?

She had ruined everything!

He would never look at her the same again, not without loath and disgust. Never again would his eyes smile at her like they had, on a way that made her weak in the knees.

Gone, all gone, and it was all her fault.

If only she could spare him of this pain, somehow just feel it all for him. Because she knew she deserved every inch of it, and he didn't. His only sin had been to love her so much, that he had wanted to marry her.

He was so beautiful, laying there, in his sleep. So beautiful. Margot took her time admiring him, knowing all too well this might be the last time she had the chance to do so.

But finally it was time. She took a deep breath, and hardened herself, placed her hand on his shoulder, and shook him slightly.

"Hikaru ... wake up."

Sulu winced, slowly opening his eyes. "Margot..?"

"Yeah, it's me." the words stuck on her throat. "I'm sorry to wake you up, but-"

"No, it's fine. I'm glad that you're here." Sulu sat up on the bed. "Listen, I'm so sorry about yesterday. It was a stupid fight, and all my fault. Please, forgive me. I shouldn't have pressed on the issue, not like that. You don't want to get married, that's fine. I don't need that, or to have kids. I only need you, Margot. I love you."

His words made her heart crumble to pieces.

She made a small sob, and looked away from him, to stop herself from crying.

His half naked form under the sheets called on her, all warm and inviting, and she knew it wasn't hers to touch anymore. It never would be, for she had been an idiot and ruined everything.

"I have to tell you something." She breathed.

"What is it?" Sulu asked, and his voice was suddenly all serious. "What happened?"

"I'm so sorry." Margot looked him in the eye. "I slept with someone else last night."

He was silent for a short while, all color fleeing his face.

"With whom?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes." Sulu's voice was cold as steel. "Of course it does."

"Jim Kirk."

Margot saw how his jaw tightened, pulled his lips into a thin line. She waited silently for his rage, for his judgement. She hoped, he'd yell at her, that he'd hit her, anything but this unbearable ice cold silence. But he didn't. He just looked at her, his eyes all dark and tormented, his face pale as death. Finally, after a very long time, Margot heard his voice.

"Get out of here."

"Hikaru, I..." She was sobbing now. Pathetic.

"Go away." His voice was seemingly emotionless. "Just go away. I can't even look at you now."

Slowly she stood up. Her legs were shaking.

She hoped he'd shout at her, throw things at her, that he'd curse or cry, that he'd hit her, smash her stupid head on the wall.

She wished to God, she'd die.

But he did nothing, just looked away from her and stared silently at the wall, waiting for her to leave. She had no choice. Slowly she turned around, and walked to the door, leaving her heart behind.


	23. You know nothing, James Tiberius Kirk

Jim Kirk sat on the captain's chair on Enterprise's command bridge, and stared at the vast darkness of space in front of him. From time to time his gaze wandered to pilot's chair - just to notice, that Sulu wasn't there, but another helmsman. Kirk had to remind himself that it didn't mean anything - Sulu had the evening shift today. But still - he just could not shake the nervous feeling that rested on his shoulders.

He had never experienced such an overwhelming moral hangover.

All too vividly he remembered the things he had done last night.

How Margot's soft, silky skin felt on his hands, how her slender body bent when he pressed her down on the bed, thrusted deep inside of her. Oh, the sounds of pain and pleasure, that escaped from her lips, when he...

By God, he'd have to stop thinking about this!

Quite frankly, he hated himself for having fucked Margot. Sulu was his friend, for God's sake. They had been friends - no, more than friends, more like brothers - since the day they had fought together against romulans, on the day Nero attacked Vulcan.

They had saved each other's lives on that day, without a moment's hesitation.

He had jumped down from the drill, into vast emptiness, just to catch Sulu. To stop him from dying.

Why had it been easier to jump down towards almost certain death, than to keep his hands away from Margot?

Kirk groaned in frustration.

Margot had said, that it was all over with Sulu, that she had ended it. Last night, feeling her seductive kisses on his lips, Kirk had wanted to believe it, but now he knew it wasn't so simple. Whatever the status of their relationship might be, Margot was Sulu's girl, and he knew it.

There was no excuse. He shouldn't have touched her - period.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted, as he realized someone was standing by his side, and there was something very cold and very sharp on the skin of his neck. A sword's blade.

"Get on your feet." Sulu's quiet voice was boiling with anger. "Get up, and look at me."

The world seemed to stop around them. No one dared to move, or speak. Very slowly, very cautiously, Kirk stood up from his chair - the gleaming blade only inches from his carotid artery.

"I'm sorry." Kirk said. "I really am."

"You had no right to touch her."

"I know."

Kirk saw how Sulu's hand was trembling, as he clasped his fingers on the sword's hilt. His own hands were shaking too, he noticed, and took a deep breath to try and relax. Sulu would not kill him - they were friends.

He just hoped Sulu remembered that too.

"Why did you do it?" Sulu breathed, wincing.

"She asked. And I couldn't say no to her."

"I know it wasn't your idea!" He spat out. "It doesn't justify what you did. She was mine, you hear me? Mine!"

"I know. I'm sorry." Kirk felt how sweat droplets trickled down his back. He didn't dare to take his eyes off Sulu, to see if anyone was doing anything to help him. "Come on, Sulu, let's just talk about this... please, put the katana down."

"Shut up, Jim!" Sulu pressed the blade to his skin. "I don't want to hear your excuses! I _know_ how Margot is. I _know_ it's hard for her to be faithful, and I know _why_ she is like that. But you… James Tiberius Kirk, you know nothing. Nothing!"

"I know that you won't kill me."

"Wanna bet?" Something cruel flashed in his eyes, and his voice was cold as steel.

And just then he collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

"I was simply waiting for the right moment, Jim." Spock noted calmly.

"You sure took your time… but thanks." Kirk raised a hand on his neck, to feel the small scratch made by Sulu's blade. He had seen how Spock had silently approached Sulu as they had talked, but still - this had been a close call. Too close. He felt his pulse beating rapidly, in the artery just under spot where the blade had rested on.

"Give me a hand, Spock. Let's get him to the sickbay." Kirk knelt down to make sure his unconscious friend was fine.

He felt no anger towards him, no bitterness.

Sulu had said that he knew nothing, but it wasn't true. He knew enough to be very sad for his friend.

* * *

When Sulu woke up, he realized that he wasn't alone. The room was dim, but he saw a slender figure sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Margot...? he asked. His throat felt dry and hoarse.

"No, it's me. Skylar."

"What happened?" he blinked a few times.

"You threatened to kill Jim. And Spock stunned you."

It all came back to him now. What Margot had done, how he had felt when he had found out… Feeling more anger and rage than ever in his life, he had wanted to kill Jim. Now the thought felt weird and distant.

He tried to sit up, but his head felt heavy and dizzy.

"How do you feel?" Skylar said, and held out her hand to help him.

"Horrible... Is Jim okay?"

"His fine, not a scratch." Skylar's voice was steady, reassuring. "And he's not going to press charges on you."

"That's insane." Sulu groaned. "I threatened captain's life on the bridge. Someone would say that's mutiny - and it used to be punishable by death."

"Yeah, on the 18th century." Skylar rolled her eyes. "Don't be a fool - Jim totally gets what happened. But he is worried about you, and you are on a sick leave until you feel like yourself again - and not a madman with a katana."

Sulu was silent for a while, and looked away from Skylar.

A horrible shame brought a foul taste to his mouth.

How many people had witnessed the scene on the bridge? He couldn't remember. He only remembered Jim, and his face as he had pressed the blade on his neck.

He shook his head, to get rid of that image - but in vain. It would haunt him for the rest of his days, he knew.

"You seem to be physically alright." Skylar said, and handed him a glass of water. "But ... how do you feel? About Margot, I mean."

He gave a long sigh. The last thing he wanted to do, was to talk about Margot.

He didn't even want to think about her.

It felt like there was a black hole inside of his chest, a void that sucked the air from his lungs and made it impossible to breath.

"How is she?" He asked at last. He knew Margot well enough, to know that she must be suffering.

"She just won't stop crying. She's heartbroken - I've never seen her like that… And she blames herself for what you almost did to Jim."

He nodded, that sounded about right.

He had almost made the worst thing he could think of, and yes, it had happened because of her.

"It would've been better if she never told me. About her and Jim."

Skylar shrugged, but he saw she agreed. "She wanted to be honest. Besides, if she hadn't, Chekov would have."

"Pavel Chekov?" Sulu frowned. "What does he have to do with this?"

"He was the one who found them, poor kid!"

"I think he has a thing for Margot." Sulu said, and sighed.

"Yeah, well, who doesn't?" Skylar asked. "But anyways, it was Chekov who convinced Margot to tell you. He said you deserved to know."

Sulu lay back down on the bed, and stared at the roof.

He felt all numb, all emotionless. Like something in him had died. All that was left, was this unbearable emptiness that ached in his chest like cold iron.

God, he hoped he hadn't learned the truth. Had no one told him, he'd still have a heart.

There was no point in hoping that Margot hadn't cheated on him. A part of him had known it would happen, feared for that day. He had accepted it might come to that, and that it would be something they'd resolve together.

But he hadn't thought she'd go and sleep with Jim.

It was a double betrayal, and thus it was more than he could take.


	24. Punch me in the face!

James T. Kirk sat in his office and looked through the large windows, into the dozens of unknown stars and galaxies, constellations no man had ever seen before. Usually this was a sight that he found uplifting, but not today.

There was nothing, that could make him feel good about himself now. What had happened today, just wouldn't let him in peace.

He knew, he wasn't perfect - far from it.

He wouldn't have described himself as a good person. He was well aware of his flaws: he was impatient, selfish, smug and annoying. But he had always thought of himself as a good friend.

It was something he took pride in. Being a good captain, and a good friend. People on this ship were his family, his sisters and brothers in arms, and he would have given his life for them. He loved Sulu like a brother, had come attached to his level head, silent humor, brave heart and quick thinking. Sulu was a good man, better than he was, and a damn good friend too.

Deep in his heart, Kirk knew, that he had probably ruined their friendship for good. You just don't go and fuck your friends girl! Anyone should know that.

He thought of getting up, and going to the sickbay to see Sulu, but then hesitated. What was he going to say to him, exactly?

Just then he heard, that someone was at the door.

"Come in." Kirk frowned. He didn't really want to meet anyone. But his mind changed when he saw who stepped in.

"Mr. Sulu ... come in." Kirk rose to his feet, suddenly nervous. "So, Bones let you leave the sickbay? Feeling more like yourself, I trust."

"Yes, I think so, Sir."

They were both silent for a moment, feeling awkward.

"Actually, I only came to give you this, Sir." Sulu said at last, offering him an envelope.

Kirk took it, ripping it open. "What is it?"

"It's my resignation. I'm leaving my position as the Enterprise's helmsman, starting immediately."

"That's out of the question!" Kirk exclaimed, and ripped the paper in two, threw away the pieces. "I won't accept it."

"What I did was unforgivable, Jim. I threatened your life, on the bridge. There is no excuse for my behaviour, and I feel I can no longer continue on my position."

"Nothing you say will make me accept your resignation." Kirk shook his head, relentlessly. "Sulu, you're the best pilot that I've ever seen, and your place is on the bridge of the Enterprise. There's nothing to discuss on that matter: I won't give up my best helmsman because of a stupid mistake."

Sulu was silent for a moment. Kirk noticed his hands were shaking, so apparently his calmness was only superficial.

"Sulu, it was my fault." Kirk continued at last. "It was all my fault. I bear no grudge against you."

"No, the fault is mine. Even if you won't accept my resignation, please, accept my apology. I am sorry." Sulu answered quietly, finally meeting his eyes.

"Apology accepted."

"As is yours." Sulu said, but his eyes told otherwise. There was deep sorrow in them, and anger too - even if he did his best to hide it.

Things were not ok between them, and that was something Kirk just couldn't let pass.

"It is?" he asked. "I mean, I screwed up. I understand, that you are pissed at me. I get it."

"It is fine, Jim." Sulu said, but didn't meet his eyes.

"No, it isn't. You're still mad at me, and for a reason. We have to talk about it."

"No, we don't."

"I think we do. About what happened… between me and Margot. I was an ass, I slept with your girl. We have to sort it out."

"I don't want to talk about it." Sulu's voice was strained now, burdened with hidden emotion. "There's absolutely nothing you can say, that would make me feel better."

Kirk shrugged. "I knew it, you're not okay with this."

"Oh come on, how could I be okay with it?!" Now he was angry, Kirk noticed Good!

"Alright, let's not talk. Punch me in the face then. That's gonna make you feel better for sure."

"That's absurd, Jim." Sulu muttered, and rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to punch you."

"No, no, it's fine - you should. Just hit me, I know you want to. Take a swing, Sulu."

"Now you're starting to annoy me." Sulu said with a very dark voice, that revealed every inch of his rage.

"That's the spirit! Come on, you were about to slice my head off! I know you want to hit me. Just think about what I did to your girl, and punch me-"

And so he did, with force, his fist meeting Kirk's nose with a sickening sound.

"Oh, fuck!" Kirk swore. "You hit hard!"

"I do have combat training."

"Yeah…. Shit!" he swiped the blood off his nose It probably wasn't broken, but it hurt like Hell. "So, you feel any better?"

"No, not really." Sulu stated, and hit him on the face again.

Kirk groaned, and almost fell down. His cut lip stained his face with blood.

"Wow, now I'm beginning to feel a bit better." Sulu said, and gave a dark smile, rubbing his knuckles. "You were right."

"Yeah…." Kirk groaned. "You done?"

"For now." Sulu nodded.

"Oh, crap." Kirk muttered. His nose was still bleeding, and he grabbed a tissue from the table to press it on his face and stop it. "I might need a drink. I think I have some vodka on that cabin, just pour us some, will you Sulu?"

He did as Kirk asked, and after a few moments sat down on the couch with him, offering a glass.

"So, we're fine now?" Kirk asked, still trying to stop the blood from running down his face.

"Yeah, we're good." Sulu stated, and took a gulp. There was no more anger in his voice, and Kirk believed him.

"There's nothing a punch in the face won't cure."

"Just… can I ask you something, Jim?"

"Sure, go ahead." he answered, and gulped down his own vodka. It stinged on his cut lip, and made him wince.

"Are you in love with her?"

"In love? God, no!" he put down the glass. "It's not like that, it was just… you know."

"Yeah. Good. I can live with that."

"Just out of curiosity… what would've you done, had I said yes?"

"Would have gone to get my katana?" Sulu raised his glass, and smiled, and Kirk just couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"I might have to confiscate that sword." Kirk rolled his eyes. He poured some more vodka to their emptied glasses. Raising his glass, he said: "To friendship?"

"To friendship." Sulu nodded, and drank.

"So, have you… um, talked to Margot?" Kirk asked, beginning to feel the effects of the beverage.

Sulu's gaze was dark and tormented. "No, and I'm not going to."

"So it is really over between you, then?"

"Is that what she told you?" Sulu asked. "To get you in the bed with her?"

"Well-"

"If you must know, I didn't think it was over, not until I found out about you two."

"You're not going to forgive her?" Kirk asked. "After all, you forgave me."

"Only after beating the crap out of you."

"True." Kirk winced. "That's not an option with Margot, is it."

"I still love her, Jim." Sulu sighed, and looked away. "I am incapable of hurting her in any way. But I don't know if I'll ever find it in my heart to forgive her. Perhaps she was right from the start - that we shouldn't be together."

"Don't be so sure." Kirk said, and poured some more vodka to their glasses. "She loves you, you know. She looks at you that way, different. No one's ever looked at me like that."

Sulu didn't answer anything, just silently savoured his drink. Only after a long while did he answer.

"Yeah, well. I'm going to have to think about it. But she's still off limits to you, Jim."

"That goes without saying." Kirk stated. "After all, I've had enough of your katana on my neck for a lifetime."


	25. Gotta get up and try

" **Where there is desire,**

 **There is gonna be a flame.**

 **Where there is a flame,**

 **Someone's bound to get burned.**

 **But just because it burns,**

 **Doesn't mean you're gonna die.**

 **You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try.**

 **Gotta get up and try, and try, and try.**

 **You gotta get up and try, and try, and try."**

 **-P!nk**

* * *

Get up.

Go to work.

Talk to no one.

Get back home.

Drink.

Cry yourself to sleep.

Get up.

Go to work.

Every day was the same for her now. End endless loop of self loath and suffering, of unbearable regret and remorse.

She could not deny it anymore. Her heart was broken, and the pain it caused was almost more than she could take. This was the first time. She'd had no idea it would hurt like this.

It was an ice cold iron in her chest, cutting it's way deeper and deeper into her lungs, making it impossible to breath. It was a crushing weight on her shoulders, that prevented her from standing up straight. And it was a burning fire in her throat, that turned into tears every time she tried to open her mouth and say something.

So basically she didn't say anything. To anyone. Except for Skylar, but she didn't seem to mind her constant sobbing and wailing.

"There, there." she just said, and handed her a handkerchief. And then forced her to have some chocolate and hot tea - doctor's orders.

But no one else she would meet. Not even Chekov, who constantly called her and tried to cheer her up, apparently unable to bear the fact that she was this sad. He was practically the only one who even wanted to see her, though. No one else wanted nothing to do with her - as if she had the plague or something.

It was obvious, that everyone knew. It was USS Raven all over again, except that this was worse. The way they just stopped talking, when she stepped into a room. How they looked at her, all smug and their eyes judgmental. Margot knew all too well what were they saying about her behind her back - had heard enough glimpses of conversations to be certain.

That she was a slut. A whore. A cheater. That she was a woman who had broken a good man's heart, and made friends - almost like brothers - to turn against each other.

There was no excuse. It was all true. And so she didn't even try and explain her actions to anyone. Why bother? All her energy went to trying to keep breathing, to keep her broken heart beating.

Two weeks it had been now.

Two weeks, and she couldn't understand how she was still alive.

Get up. Go to work. Look at the microscope. Pretend that you're not crying, that there's just something in your eye. Look at the microscope and see nothing. Get the work done, somehow. Skip the lunch, for who would sit with you? Lie to Skylar about eating, for how on Earth could you eat something, when all you want to do is to puke? Go home. Drink. Cry yourself to sleep. Get up.

Go to work.

Two weeks and one day.

On the first days she had tried to speak to him, to say that she was sorry, that she was so sorry. That she'd do anything to make it right. But he had been cold and distant, not even looking at her.

"You can't just fix this, Margot." he had said, and shrugged. "You can't undo what you did."

And that was the last time he'd spoken to her.

She had seen him in the hallway a couple of times, and he seemed fine. At least he and Kirk weren't fighting anymore, for she had seen them together. And noticed Jim's cut lip and swollen nose too.

She didn't get it - guys. You fight, and then everything is just fine. Then why wouldn't he fight with her? Why wouldn't he beat her up too? She knew she'd deserve it. She was nothing. She was worthless.

* * *

"How is he doing?" she asked from Skylar one night, after two weeks and two days.

They were sitting in Skylar's quarters and sipping hot chocolate (which was practically all Margot could keep in).

Skylar shrugged. "Not well, I suppose."

"I saw him the other day, he seemed just fine." the memory stung her heart. He had been laughing, chatting with Uhura as they had passed her in the hallway. He hadn't even looked at her direction.

"That doesn't mean anything." Skylar stated. "What would you want for him to do? Roam the halls weeping?"

"That's what I do." Margot sighed.

"And is it working?" Skylar raised an eyebrow.

Margot didn't even bother to answer. Tears welled up in her eyes again, and she wiped them off with her sleeve.

"Margot, I'm worried." Skylar said, with her doctor's voice, and Margot had to look up to her eyes.

"About what?"

"About you."

"Well, there's nothing new in that, is there?"

"I'm worried, not only as your friend, but as your doctor. You don't eat. You hardly sleep. You drink too much, and you cry all the time. It's been two weeks now-"

"And two days."

"Two weeks and two days, and you've lost like, what…? Eight pounds?"

"Six." Margot rolled her eyes. It wasn't like she weighed herself every morning, except it was.

"That's alarming. You're tiny as it is. You can't lose much more without it being dangerous. You'll have to start eating."

"I'm eating, alright?" Margot snapped, annoyed. This was none of Skylar's business.

"Stop lying to me." Skylar stated firmly. "I can't help you if you do that."

"You want to help me?" Margot sat up, her eyes storming now, tears running on her cheeks again. "Then cut out my heart! For it's burning, and it hurts so much that I can't breath and I can't eat and all I want to do, is jump out of the airlock, to make this stop!"

Skylar was silent for a short while.

"You're thinking about killing yourself?"

"That's all I think, Skylar. That, and Hikaru."

"As your doctor, I can't let this pass. You need help."

"There is no help for me." Margot pressed her face in her hands. "I did this to myself, and now I'm paying the price."

"We should go to the sickbay. I want to weigh you in, and take some blood test. And I'm ordering you anti depressants, and some sick leave."

"No!" Margot glared at her, angered now. "I'm not depressed, I'm sad - that's different. And there is no way I'll stop working. That's not going to help, Skylar. At least now I go somewhere, do something."

"Yeah, you go to the lab, cry there all day, and think about killing yourself."

"Oh, quit blabbering about that. It's not like I'm really going to do it." She wiped her eyes, and her running nose. "I've caused Hikaru enough grief for a lifetime as it is."

"You promise?" Skylar asked. "That you won't harm yourself? 'Cause I won't let you leave this room until you do."

"Okay, I promise." Margot sighed.

"You know, he's not doing well either." Skylar stated after a while.

"You've talked to him?"

"No, but I've seen him. I've seen the way he still looks at you, Margot. He's still in love with you."

Margot looked at her friend, her reassuring eyes, and tried to wrap her thoughts around her words.

"Well, it's not doing good to either one of us, is it?" she finally said. "If he's decided he can't forgive me, and that it's all over."

"Just give him some time. He can't live without you, you know."

"How much time, Skylar?" Margot stood up, and placed her cup on the table. "An eternity?"

But there was no answer for her question.

She walked to her quarters, hardly noticing the tears that just kept running, poured herself a glass of wine, and cried some more, before falling into a restless sleep.

Get up.

Go to work.

Two weeks and three days.


	26. Soap opera

"This madness has been going on long enough!"

Skylar pushed Sulu into her cabin, with force, so that he almost fell down. An anger flashed in his eyes, an anger that she had not seen before.

"Oh, you're referring to the madness where a guy was cheated on, and he doesn't want to forgive it? Wow, that's never happened before in the history of mankind."

Skylar rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms.

"Stop being a sarcastic ass! It doesn't suit you."

"You know, if you weren't her friend, you'd see my point of view."

Sulu sat down on the couch, apparently accepting the fact she was going to give him a lecture. Taking a deep breath, Skylar sat down by his side, and gave him a stern look.

"But I am _your_ friend too, and I'm telling you now that this has to stop. I'm not saying that you should forgive her - that's all up to you - but you're going to have to talk to her."

"And why is that, exactly? Why do I need to talk to her?"

"Because she's losing her mind, you stupid ass! And I'm pretty sure you don't want to see her dead. I've been through that already in one life, and I know it fucked up your head for a some time too."

Sulu was silent for a while, then looked up to her with a concerned look on his beautiful, dark eyes.

"She's not eating?"

"She's lost 6 pounds, in two weeks. You would've noticed had you looked at her."

He was silent for a long time, a shadow of some dark emotion crossing his face. Finally he shook his head, and sighed.

"I can't look at her, Skylar. And I can't talk to her."

"Yeah, I get it that you're pissed." Skylar snapped. "Hell, _I_ am pissed! She messed things up like never before, but you can't just shut her out like this."

"No, you don't understand." he answered, and his voice was thin, stretched. "I can't talk to her, because if I do, all I can think about is, that I want her back."

Skylar took a moment, just staring at him.

Hell, she had thought that Margot was a nutcase, and now Sulu was the one acting like he had lost all sense.

"You want her back. And she wants the same. So the problem is..?"

"That it is a very bad idea."

"Have you lost your mind? You spent a decade longing for her, and here she is now, just waiting for you to go to her, and she's all yours. And you say that it's a bad idea?"

"Because she's still Margot. And look where that got us. We'd be back in this situation sooner or later, and I'm betting sooner. I'm not sure I can take this again."

Yeah, she could see he had reason. But still, Skylar knew in her guts, that he was wrong. Margot had learned her lesson, she had seen it written all over her face during the last few weeks, and Sulu would've seen that too, had he even glanced at her.

"Now you're being a pessimist, and that's not in your nature. She's changed."

"People don't change, Skylar."

"That's bullshit" she snapped. "People change all the time. Give her the benefit of the doubt, will you? It's not like this has been a blast for her either."

But just then the door opened, and Bones stepped in. It still made Skylar's heart jump every time - the fact that he'd just walk into her quarters, just like that. Like he belonged here, and knew it too.

"Oh." he said, and glanced from Skylar to Sulu, and back. "Interrupting something?"

"Just me telling Sulu to get his shit back together." Skylar rolled her eyes. "You know, you could help."

"Oh, no, no way. I'm not getting in the middle of that mess." Bones said, and walked to the kitchen cupboard. "But I can offer him a drink. You look like you could use some, Sulu. Vodka or whisky?"

"Whisky, if you would?" said Sulu, which made Skylar sigh - again.

"You both drink too much." She said, but no one paid her any attention at all.

After a while they were all sitting around the table, and emptying Bones's whisky - something he would no doubt regret later. As far as Skylar knew, he had been saving that bottle for a special occasion, and this hardly was what he'd had in mind.

After a few glasses the conversation moved back to the matter in hand.

"Come on, Sulu." said Bones, savouring his whisky. "What's the big deal, really? Yeah, she slept with Jim, but that's nothing new in here. Practically every woman on this ship has done it."

"I haven't!" Skylar protested.

"No, darling. You did it with Spock."

Wow, so he still hadn't gotten over it.

"That's not fair." Skylar said, even if a part of her wanted to say something much meaner. "It's not like I had much choice on that matter! You'd want him to die on that damn pon farr?"

"That's an option." Bones muttered, but apparently decided to move on. He raised his glass, and nodded at Sulu, stating: "We do know how to pick our women, don't we, Sulu?"

"We do indeed." he answered, and emptied his glass.

"What are you doing, Leo!" Skylar exclaimed. "This was not supposed to be about you two bonding over the fact that you've been cheated on."

"I'm liking this subject a lot more than the one we discussed earlier." Sulu said.

Skylar didn't answer. She didn't really like Sulu when he was drunk. At least she didn't like him now - he was becoming mean, and that suited him ill.

"Just talk some reason to him, will you?" she said to Bones, and stood up. "I've had enough of this."

But just as she was leaving the table, the sound told her someone was at the door.

At this hour, it could only be one person.

Skylar gave a nervous glance at Sulu, but then walked to the door and pressed the button.

"Skylar, I really need to-" Margot stormed in, her hair a mess, her eyes red and swollen, her uniform wrinkled and already bagging on her tiny form.

And then she saw Sulu, and froze.

All color fled her face, her eyes widened.

"Hikaru..!" she breathed, and Skylar noticed she was trembling.

Sulu looked at her, his face seemingly emotionless, but he couldn't fool Skylar. She knew, she saw it in the way his eyes all too quickly turned away from Margot's face, in the way he nervously gulped, and stood up.

"Margot." he nodded, and walked to the door, passing them on the doorway.

He stopped there, and looked at Margot's face. He was standing very close to her now, and Margot's cheeks flushed. But he didn't touch her, not even if Margot ever so slightly leaned towards him, her whole form begging to be pulled into his arms.

"You should eat something." he said silently, and his voice was hoarse, thick with emotion. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm already hurt." she breathed, and looked up to his eyes.

"And whose fault is that?" Sulu stated, but it wasn't a question, not really. He didn't meet her gaze, but simply walked out of the door.

"Thanks for the drink, Bones." he said, and raised his hand as he left.

Margot crumbled to pieces, and fell to Skylar's arms, sobbing hysterically.

"Oh, Great." said Bones. "When did this ship turned into a full scale soap opera?"

"More likely a Shakespearean play." Muttered Skylar. "Stop being a wise ass and give her some whisky, will you?"


	27. Don't abandon me

" **Don't abandon me,**

 **Or think you can't be saved."**

 **\- Dream Theater**

* * *

Margot sat by her desk, desperately staring into the microscope.

Another day was turning into a night, but she just couldn't drag herself back to her quarters. She hated it there, the silence, the loneliness, the bed that was too wide for her now, that she slept in it alone. And she couldn't spend every night at Skylar's place either. She'd seen it in Bones' eyes the night before, that he was annoyed with her. He was just too polite - or too scared of Skylar - to say it aloud, but nevertheless Margot knew that she wasn't welcome.

She couldn't blame Bones, though. Not really.

If she got Hikaru back, she wouldn't want someone crying in their living room all night long either.

And just like that her thoughts were back on Sulu, and the pain cut through her heart like a dagger, and made her gasp.

Tears rushed in her eyes, and she saw nothing anymore. In frustration, she pushed away the microscope and the samples she had been working on.

But just then she heard a sound of the lab's door opening.

God, she hated it when someone walked on her crying. It made her feel like an idiot. Hastily she wiped off her tears, and turned to see who was coming.

Her heart skipped a few beats.

Oh, he was so beautiful. Standing there, against the brightly lit hallway, his hair a mess, his face too pale, his eyes all tormented and dark. It took her breath away just to see him.

The door closed with a hiss, and Sulu stepped inside.

"I thought you were happy with me." he breathed, his voice dark and husky.

No small talk. No chit chat. After not speaking to her in two weeks, he now went straight to the point.

"I was."

It was hard to meet his eyes, his accusing gaze, but she didn't turn her eyes away. He walked closer, slowly.

"I thought I had you… satisfied."

"You did."

"You said, I was better than him." There was bitterness in his voice, and doubt.

"You are."

He had walked slowly across the dim room, so that he was now standing very close to her. So close, that Margot could all too well feel his warmth in the air, his scent of green tea and mint, and her body responded to it immediately.

Her knees went weak, as he raised his hand and gently grabbed her chin, tilting her face upwards. There was an ocean of sadness in his eyes, and it cut through her heart like a spear.

"Then why? Why did you do it?"

"I don't know." The words came out as a sob.

"I'm going to need a heck of a better answer than that, Margot."

"I panicked." she whispered, her eyes tearing. "I got scared. You were talking about marriage, and kids, and I just felt like… like I couldn't breath."

"But why, why go looking at Jim?"

"Because I knew, he'd understand. I'm not the only one with commitment issues." Margot stated, and tried to turn her eyes away, but he wouldn't let her. His fingers still grasped her chin, and held her face in place, for him to look at.

"And he did?"

"Yes." Margot breathed. "But I didn't mean for us to… do it. I just wanted to talk to him. But I found him in the lift, and I was drunk... God damn, I blame the lifts for what happened. It's like every time I take one, Jim's there."

"You blame the lifts." he repeated, and for a second or so, Margot thought she heard a shadow of dark smile in his voice. But his eyes were still so serious, she couldn't be sure.

"No, I blame me." she said. "It was my fault, all of it. I messed up, like I always do. I did it because I don't know how to live a decent life. I did it because I'm worth nothing."

"Don't say things like that." he whispered, and his hands moved from her chin to her hair. She felt his long, delicate fingers caressing her curls, gently pulling her closer, and then finally, oh God finally - he bent down to kiss her.

The kiss tasted of tears, and love and salt. His lips were divine on her mouth, desperate, and needy, but still gentle, and she felt the kiss all the way to her knees, that went weak.

And then his hands were on her waist, and easily he lifted her up, to sit on the table. He stood in front of her, their faces on the same level now, and his hands rested on her hips.

"Don't you dare and say that you're worth nothing. That you're not worthy of my love. Don't you dare to think, I couldn't save you." he breathed, and kissed her again, his fingers now moving to her thighs. She gasped, as he grabbed on them, and roughly opened her legs, came to stand between them.

It was agonizing to have him so near, his lips on her mouth, his hands caressing her thighs, moving under her skirt. She felt hollow and aching, and burning at the same time, her mouth watering from his kisses.

"You shouldn't kiss me like this, Hikaru." she breathed.

"Like what?"

"This good, this gentle." she buried her face into his shoulder. "I'm not worthy of this. I hurt you, you should hurt me too. You should… hit me. You should smash my head on the wall, beat me, and leave me. That's what I'm worthy of. Not this."

She felt him stiffening, and he pulled away from her, took a long, dark look of her face. When he finally answered, his voice was hoarse.

"Why are you trembling?" he asked.

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"That you'll leave me." she breathed.

"I'm not going to leave you." he kissed her, softly. "And I'm not going to hurt you. But I am going to take back what is mine."

And with that he kissed her again, pulled her closer on a way that told her just what he was about to do to her. The kiss left her all hot, and shaken, longing for his touch, and against her crotch she felt his erection, all hard, pushing on the fabric of his pants.

His hands were on her waist, and pulled up her shirt, found her breasts. She gasped, as he bent down to kiss them, and his tongue found her hardened nipples. She helped him to rip off her shirt altogether, and he groaned, his hot breathing on the skin of her bosom.

He was hasty now, his hands shaking on her thighs, as he moved his fingers under her skirt, and pulled down her underwear. Oh, she was so ready, even before his fingers found her crotch. It was madly arousing to see how much he needed her, how his chest was heaving with fast breaths, how his eyes were all dark and full of longing. His fingers were inside of her now, long and delicate, pleasing her in a way that made her sob. His touch light her up like a torch, and she was already burning when he finally opened his pants, removing his belt with a one, swift move.

She gasped as she saw him pull down his pants, and she reached her hand to grip his erection, but he wouldn't let her. He pushed away her hand, grabbed her hips, and just like that, he thrusted deep inside of her. Margot made a surprised yelp - he wasn't gentle anymore, but all hard, rough and needy, - but oh God, she wanted it so much it burnt. She wrapped her legs around his hips, and pulled him even closer, until it hurt.

"Please, don't leave me!" she breathed, as he bent down to suck on her breasts. But he didn't answered, he just pulled her into his arms, kissed her neck, her shoulders, her collarbones, and she wrapped her arms around him, desperately, never wanting to let go.

"Oh God, I've missed this!" he breathed into the kiss, grabbed her up from the table, into his arms, as if she weighed nothing, and pushed her against the wall.

"Me too." she moaned. "I'm yours, all yours."

"Tell me you want me." he groaned, and pushed deep inside.

"Ah!" she gasped "I want you..!"

"And no one else!"

"No one else." she breathed, hardly able to speak anymore. She grabbed his shoulders with her fingers, buried her face on his neck, and let him have his way with her.

* * *

A few minutes later they were laying on the floor, still half naked and panting.

Margot knew they should get up, and get dressed. The door wasn't even locked - anyone could step in at any moment. But she just couldn't do it.

It felt so sweet to lay here, in his arms, her head resting on his chest, his fingers aimlessly playing with her curls. His heart was still beating rapidly, and the sound of it, was familiar and comforting.

"I'm sorry." he breathed into her hair, and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"For what?" Margot was puzzled.

"I was too rough. I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry if I did."

"You didn't." She turned so that she could see his face. "I wanted it, all of it. There's nothing you need to apologize, Hikaru. But I-"

"I know. I forgive you."

Her heart skipped a beat. His words brought tears into her eyes.

"You do? Really?"

"I can't live without you, Margot. So what choice do I have?"

"And I don't want to live without you. I'm sorry. I know, I don't deserve you."

"That's rubbish." He said, and ruffled her hair.

"No, it's the truth. Ask anyone on this ship, and they'll all agree with me on this one. You are too good to me."

"Then they are all idiots." Sulu said, and sat up to see her face. "And I don't care about their opinion."

"God, have I ever told you that you're not very bright?" Margot made a small laugh. "If you were, you'd stay the Hell away from me."

"Now you're the one, who's being stupid." Sulu whispered, and pulled her into a kiss. "Shut up."

"Okay." she breathed, and felt the sweet, wonderful weakness spreading into her veins again. And as he rolled on top of her, she knew they weren't going to get up or get dressed any time soon.


	28. Red is not my color

**Two months later:**

"God, I can't believe I'm forced to wear this hideous thing! Red is _so_ not my color." Margot snorted, as she sat down on the shuttle's bench.

Skylar glanced at her friend. "Why are you wearing that on the first place? What happened to your own uniform?"

"You see, just when we were about to leave, I happened to get some… goo on my shirt. And then-"

"Sorry." Sulu mouthed silently to Margot, from the pilot's seat, looking embarrassed.

"Ewww! Too much information!" Skylar glared at Margot. "Nobody wants to hear that!"

"God, I was not going to go to the details!" Margot sighed melodramatically, and rolled her eyes. "As I was saying, I happened to get _something_ on my shirt, and when I was about to change it, I noticed I had no clean uniforms."

"Sulu has a thing for uniforms, huh?" Kirk grinned.

"Don't blame me!" Sulu exclaimed. "Margot is a pig, everything is in food at her place - or more likely in chocolate."

"That's true." Skylar nodded.

"Anyway..." Margot glared at her friends in a way that made them shut up quite quickly. "I had to go all the way to the storage, and some young guy there had the nerve to tell me that at the moment they had no blue shirts on my size! And he gave me this red thing instead. Can you imagine?!"

"Outrageous." Skylar said.

"That's unbelievable." Declared Kirk, trying to hide a smile. "I have to do something about it."

"Would you, Jim?" Margot looked at him with her puppy eyes (knowing that Sulu's attention was on the shuttle's departure preparations). "I'm sure that I'll _die,_ if I have to wear this horrible color again."

"Don't be so melodramatic." Skylar sighed. "It's just a shirt."

Sulu turned on his seat, to take a look at the passengers. "Buckle up, ladies and gentlemen - we are ready to go. And Margot? "

"Yeah?"

"You look lovely in red."

"Thanks, honey." Margot grinned. "But let me just say, that I have a bad feeling about this."

"Yeah, well - there are 34 people missing, and we have no idea what happened to them." Noted Skylar. "So it would be weird if you didn't have a bad feeling."

* * *

The Enterprise had arrived to the small space station, dedicated to scientific research, that morning - for a routine check, bringing supplies and such. But as soon as they'd arrived, it had became obvious that something was very wrong.

Their sensors found no life forms on the space station, it was plain empty - and with no signs of what had happened. So Captain Kirk had ordered an away team to search the place, and of course Margot had volunteered - she never missed an opportunity to have some action.

After landing on the station, they began to search for clues.

"I'm going with Scotty." Declared Margot. "We are the shirt twins today, so it's only fitting. Is that fine, Jim?"

"Yeah. Skylar, and Sulu - you're with me." Kirk ordered.

"You sure?" asked Sulu, glancing at Margot. He always worried for her, but didn't want to be too patronizing - he knew she hated that.

"Yeah." Margot grinned. "Besides, it's not like he's a martial arts expert. He'll be needing someone to kick the bad guy's ass if something weird happens."

"Hey, lassie! I'm fully capable of taking care of myself." Scotty protested. "I stayed alive on that damn ice planet for months without anyone but Keenser!"

"Well, Keenser is a badass." Stated Margot. "Come on, mate! Let's go and find out what happened to the missing scientists!"

Briskly she began to march away, and Scotty had no choice but to follow her.

On the first hallway, Margot pulled a small device from her bag, and began to read the measurements.

"Oh, a DNA scanner." noted Scotty. "And a new one. Nice!"

"Isn't it cute?" Margot winked. "My new toy - I've been itching on an opportunity to try this one out. Hey, take a look at this!"

The scanner made a beeping sound, and Scotty glared at the monitor.

"DNA traces." he stated. "And what is that-"

"An unknown lifeform." Margot grinned. "Wicked! This might be a first contact situation!"

"You're way too excited about this, lassie. There is no one else on this space station, and may I remind you that if there were, they'd most likely be responsible for the disappearance of the crew."

"Ah, don't be a dullard!" Margot poked at Scotty. "This is an adventure! Come on, let's follow that trace!"

After a few minutes they stopped on a doorway.

"It ends here." Margot said. "The trace. How can that be, unless-"

"Unless, they used that airlock."

"That's an option." she nodded. "Let's take a look."

She put the scanner on the floor, and opened the control panel on the wall.

Scotty looked at her, then glanced at the door, and then again at Margot.

"Aren't I supposed to do that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "You're getting too comfortable wearing that red shirt, lassie."

"Come on, I have hidden talent."

"Is that so? What do you know about airlocks?"

"More than you'd think." Margot said, pushing a button that made the pressure chamber's inner door open. "My dad used to be an engineer and a mechanic. I helped him around in his shop, when he was sober that is. He had worked on a space station when he was younger, you know. I picked up a lot from him."

"Really? But this one is tricky, an old model."

"Seems quite simple to me." Margot shrugged, but stepped away from the control panel. "But okay, it's all yours. I'm going to take a look inside."

She left him checking the controls, and stepped inside the chamber, grabbing her scanner on the way. Wow, the readings were interesting. She scanned the doors, and it all became clear to her now. Someone had been here, humans and unknown aliens, and they had used this airlock to leave the station.

But where had they gone?

And had the humans left from their own free will - or had they been taken?

Margot ran her fingers on the outer door, thinking about the vast, darkness of space that laid right outside the not so thick layer of metal.

She suddenly felt worried. She hadn't told anyone, but an old friend of hers from the college - a fellow xenobiologist called Yoshiko Fuji was among the missing scientists. It wasn't like they had been best friends, but she was certain that if they didn't find her, it would haunt her for the rest of her life.

A sound of doors closing behind her back, made her startle and return to the moment. She turned around just to see, that the doors had closed between her and Scotty.

"Well isn't that just great." She muttered and walked to the doors, pressed the button to open them, but nothing happened.

Frustrated she waved at Scotty. The doors were made of glasslike, see through aluminium. "Hey! Open the doors! I don't want to get stuck in here!"

Scotty answered something, but she couldn't hear his words. She reached to her link, but noticed it was missing. Had she left it in her bag that was still in the hallway?

She knocked on the glass. "Hey!" she shouted. "Scotty, get me out of here! Weren't you supposed to be the engineering genius or something?"

He looked at her apologetically, signalled that he couldn't hear her either, and disappeared to work on the control panel.

"Well isn't this just frickin great." Margot rolled her eyes. "I'm stuck on a malfunctioning airlock - what could possibly go wrong?"

And just then she heard a sound that made her freak out, like never before.

A sharp metallic click, like a hatch opening - and after that the steady, soft hissing of air beginning to leave the room.


	29. I will catch you if you should fall

_" **One love,**_

 _ **One blood,**_

 _ **One life,**_

 _ **You've got to do what you should.**_

 _ **One life with each other,**_

 _ **Sister,**_

 _ **Brothers,**_

 _ **One life but we're not the same.**_

 _ **We get to carry each other,**_

 _ **Carry each other."**_

 _ **Johnny Cash**_

* * *

" _Look, Hikaru! No hands!"_

 _Margot was hanging from the tree branch with her knees, swiftly swinging back and forth._

" _Be careful!" he replied, looking down at her, from his own branch._

 _They were 9 years old both, and it was summer vacation. They were playing in the park nearby his house, and climbing a tree was Margot's favourite. She was a natural born climber, resembling a young squirrel with her just a bit too big front teeth, her red curls, and the slender and strong body. And like one, she could spend the whole day on a tree._

 _Sulu watched as she gripped the branch with her fingers, and pulled herself up to sit on it._

" _I don't want you to get hurt."_

" _I won't fall." she grinned. "I never do, unlike you."_

" _Stop bragging." he stated, and threw an acorn at her. She dodged, and laughed, standing up on her feet and walking towards him on her branch. She was super agile, and nimbly she jumped from a branch to the next one._

 _And just then, there was a loud crack._

 _The branch she had landed on, snapped, and she lost her foothold._

 _For a second or so, he thought she'd be able to regain her balance - but she didn't. A flash of fear in her eyes, her face went pale._

" _Ah!" she breathed, and fell, fast through the canopy._

" _Margot!" he screamed. "Margot!" but there was no answer. Hastily he began to climb down, shouting her name as he did._

 _He jumped down from the lowest branch, and was by her side before anyone else. She lay on her back, unconscious, and a stream of fresh, bright red blood trickled from her nose. Her arm was under her, bent on an unnatural angle, and her oversized T-shirt was stained with blood._

 _Sulu grabbed her shoulders, and shook her._

" _Wake up!" he shouted, without even realizing there were tears running on his cheeks. But she didn't wake up, and suddenly an agonizing fear took his breath away. He couldn't breath, he couldn't even say her name again, and in horror he froze on his place._

 _Was she… dead?_

 _For what would he do, if she died?_

 _How could he live on, without her?_

 _But, she didn't die, not that day. They took her to the hospital where she woke up with a concussion, a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. The good thing that followed, was that Margot moved in at Sulu's home for two months, for his mother could care for her better than her dad. The bad thing that followed, were the nightmares._

 _Every night for a long time, he dreamt about that day._

 _How she fell, her face pale, her fingers reaching for him, her eyes widened with fear. And never did he manage to catch her. Not once._

* * *

It all came back to Sulu now.

He was on his knees, pressing his forehead on the see through aluminium, banging it with his fist, so hard that it hurt, and his knuckles went white.

The look in Margot's eyes, was just as it had been the day she fell from the tree. Her eyes were filled with fear, and tears. She was leaning on the door, already exhausted and drowsy, as the air was thinning in the airlock.

2 minutes, the time she had been stuck in there.

28 seconds: the time it had taken Sulu to get here, from the moment Scotty had reported the situation.

30 seconds: the time remaining, according to Scotty, until the outer door of the chamber opened, and she'd be ejected to space.

There was no way in Hell, he'd accept it.

"No!" he shouted, his voice hoarse and thick. "No! Do something! Open this fucking door, Scotty! Help me break it down!"

And with all his force, he banged his fist against the aluminium, but it did nothing more than caused him pain.

Margot looked up to him, and with effort shook her head slowly. She tried to smile at him, failing miserably, but Sulu understood what she meant.

She had given up already.

But he hadn't. By God, he'd never do that!

"Jim, tell me you have a plan!" he groaned, and turned to look at his friend and captain. "Or Scotty? Give me something, here! We can't just sit, and do nothing as she dies!"

Kirk was pressing his temples with his fingers, and looked suffering.

Scotty, who was desperately pulling leads from the control panel looked at Sulu: "I'm trying here, ay! It's not like I can beam her out of there with my willpower."

"Can't they still get a locking on her?" Sulu heard Skylar's voice asking. "Jim, can you check?"

"Kirk to Checov." Kirk said to his link. "What's the status?"

"I am in the transporter room," said Chekov's voice with a thick accent. "but I still can't lock onto Lieutenant de la Faye. She'd have to be outside of that chamber, I'm afraid."

"Yeah, well that might soon be the case." Kirk's voice was dark. "Just keep on trying, Chekov!"

"Ay, Sir." Chekov replied.

"You might have to do it manually, like the time you catched me and Sulu when we were on a free fall. Be prepared."

"I'll do my best, Sir."

Sulu pressed his hand on the door, and Margot lifted her own, their palms against each other, their fingers almost touching.

"I love you." he breathed, looking deep into her forest green eyes.

It was all that mattered, all that there was to say.

"I love you too." Sulu read the words from her lips.

She raised her other hand to a traditional Vulcan greeting, and tried to smile.

"Live long and prosper." Skylar whispered, her voice failing her.

And the doors opened.

The remaining air from the airlock was sucked into the void of space, taking everything with it. Margot's small body flew in it, like a leaf in the wind, her hands outstreched, she hit the doorframe, and her form went spinning into the darkness.


	30. Hallucinating

Sulu sat on a chair by Margot's bed, and just looked at her.

Her face was bluish and swollen, it had several cuts and bruises, and her skin was on raw frost bites. Hadn't he known it was her, there would've been no way to tell.

But he couldn't have cared less how she looked. He knew it was a miracle she was alive at all. A miracle, and the result of Bones' and Skylar's relentless work to save her life.

Her tiny form lay on the bed, seemingly peaceful, but Sulu knew she was under a heavy dose of sedatives still - to force her to sleep, so that her body could heal.

He couldn't even think about all the things that were broken in her. Bones had told him what happened to a person in space without a spacesuit, and just the thought of it made Sulu sick. Boiling blood, rupturing lungs, extreme frost bites and sunburnt, mutation, swelling…. the list went on. And on top of that Margot had hit the doorframe with force, which had fractured several of her ribs and her hipbone.

She had been on a brink of death when Chekov had transported her on the board of Enterprise, and only Bone's swift actions had saved her life. And still it hang on a narrow thread, and that was why Sulu just couldn't close his eyes - not for the shortest of moments. He wanted to be by her side, to keep an eye on her, in case… in case something bad happened.

It was two days now, since the accident, and Sulu hadn't slept voluntarily. Skylar had had to drug him, which had cost him 12 hours of precious time by Margot's side - a thing he was still angry at Skylar. He just couldn't understand her action. Didn't she realize, that his place was here now? That nothing else mattered, but the fact that he was by her side?

And there it was again, the agonizing fear of losing her.

It pressed his chest like cold iron, and made breathing all but impossible. It cut through his heart like a knife, leaving him raw and shaken.

Skylar had once said, that in the alternate reality he had gotten over Margot's death, and married someone else. Now, looking at her small, vulnerable form, he just couldn't believe it.

He knew for sure, that if she died, his heart would stop beating too.

Oh, he was so tired, that he ached all over. In desperation, he pressed his head in his hands, and let his eyes close. Just for a little while, he said to himself. Just for a moment…

"Hikaru."

A faint whisper entered his foggy thoughts. He sat up, startled, and looked at Margot.

She was awake. Her gaze was in his face, a small ghost of a smile playing on her chapped lips.

"I fell." she breathed.

"Yeah, you did." Sulu smiled, tears suddenly running down his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I wasn't there to catch you."

"How?" her voice was no more than a thin ghost of a whisper.

"You shouldn't try to speak, darling. Bones said you're lungs were ruptured - you have to let them heal."

"Fuck Bones." Margot croaked.

"I'd rather not." Sulu laughed through his tears. "Besides, he's the one who fixed you."

"How?" she asked again, and saying just a one word, caused her so much pain that she winced, and her eyes teared up.

"Chekov beamed you here, he's a genius that way, you know. And then Bones and Skylar worked on you for 16 hours or so, to save you. But now, no more talking! You are badly hurt, Margot. You must rest."

Margot nodded, closed her eyes again, and a few tears fell down to her cheeks. Sulu raised his hand to wipe them off, very carefully, not to damage her badly hurt skin.

"I thought I'd lose you." He said, and the words came out a sob.

She opened her eyes, and looked at him, her eyes all tired and drowsy, but still there was so much love in her gaze, that it took his breath away.

"I love you so much." he sobbed. "I can't live without you."

"I know." she breathed silently.

"Hey, no more talking. I'm serious."

"Will you marry me?"

Her words were so faint, he could hardly hear them.

"What?"

"Marry. Me." she winced, and gulped, clearly in pain now.

"Yeah, sure!" he was laughing and crying at the same time. "Of course I'll marry you."

She nodded, and gave him a small smile, raised her shaking, badly damaged and bandaged hand, and laid it carefully on his cheek.

That's how Skylar found them a moment later, staring deep into each other's eyes, Sulu holding her hand still on his cheek.

"Margot! You're awake!" she shrieked. "Sulu, why didn't you tell me she was awake? Is she alright? Margot, are you alright?"

Margot gave a smile to her friend, and raised up a thumb.

"Wow, God, it's good to see you." Skylar shook her head, relieved, and took a seat by the bed. "Did she say something?"

"Yeah, I think she's hallucinating." Sulu laughed, his eyes still in Margot.

"Really?" Skylar asked. "I'll have to check on the medication then. The dose is quite high, but-"

"I meant it." Margot croaked, and gave Sulu an annoyed look.

"You should NOT speak." Sulu and Skylar said in sync. But Skylar gave Sulu a curious look, asking: "What did she mean?"

"That she want's to marry me."

"Oh. The dose is clearly too high, let me just check what nurse Chapel gave her, and-"

"I think she really meant it, Skylar." Sulu said quietly.

Skylar was silent for a moment, looking back and forth between Sulu and Margot.

"Really?!"

Margot looked at Skylar, her eyes smiling through tears. She nodded, unable to speak anymore.

"Good God." Skylar said, still shaken by the news. "That's great! But not until you're well. You really need to get some rest now, so that you'll heal."

"I'll make sure she does. You can go, Skylar, try to have some sleep yourself." Sulu said, still unable to turn his eyes away from Margot.

She closed her eyes, slowly, and Sulu watched as she drifted off to sleep. In the dark hours of night, he made a promise, that never again would he let her fall. Little did he know, that in less than a year, it would be his own actions, that ripped her heart to pieces.


	31. Good show

The biobeds in the sick bay really weren't that comfortable was the first thing Skylar realized, when she came to. For a moment her mind had some trouble deciding what part of her life was going on. Then she remembered. Margot!

With that thought Skylar was wide awake. She jumped up, lost her balance and fell of the bed onto the floor.

"Oh, you're up." an unconcerned voice said from somewhere nearby.

That sounded like Sulu, Skylar decided, trying to fix her bearings once more. Why was she on the floor again? Why hadn't she gone to sleep in her own, quite comfortable bed, which she usually shared with Leo?

"Bones said to tell you, that you'll likely to be feeling a little dizzy for some time." Sulu continued, still somewhere behind her.

Skylar seemed to have some trouble in sorting out the number of her limbs, so she didn't dare to try anything as complicated as turning around just yet.

"Why?" She asked, suspicious. Ah, voice still worked, she thought. Good.

"He gave you a sedative."

"He drugged me?!" Skylar was shocked. She managed to turn and get on one elbow. With that, the biobed with a sleeping Margot came into view, along with an angry looking Sulu sitting on a chair beside it.

"Don't look so shocked." the young man told him. "You did the same to me."

"Well, yeah," Skylar admitted. "Because you needed the rest."

"And you didn't?"

"Well -"

"Don't get cute with me, Skylar." Sulu warned her. "I'm still mad at you. How could you do such a thing? How could you make me sleep, when Margot was dying?"

"I would have woken you up if it had come to that." she said. "I'm not completely heartless."

Sulu laughed bitterly.

"What gave you the right to make that decision for me?"

"Honestly? My medical degree." Skylar said. "I wanted to make sure that Margot had someone there for her, when she wakes up. Someone, with their wits about them. There was no telling how long she'd be out. Putting you to sleep was the wisest decision under the circumstances. You may hate me for it, if you want, but I won't apologize for doing what I know was right."

Sulu grit his teeth.

"I don't hate you." He finally said. "I'm angry with you. There's a difference."

"Oh," Skylar sighed. "Well, if it helps, whatever Leo gave me, seems to have been stronger. How long was I out? I feel like he gave me enough for a week."

"Some twelve hours." Bones answered the question himself from somewhere behind her. "Is there something wrong?"

"Well" Skylar said, craning her head but failing to catch a glimpse of the doctor. "My legs aren't working. I'd say that's a problem."

"I can fix that." Bones said, coming into her view with a hypospray on his hand. "There." he said, as the medicine entered her system with a soft hiss.

Skylar felt better in about four seconds.

"Thanks," she muttered, allowing him to help her to her still shaky legs. "So? How's Margot?"

"She'll live." Bones said.

"I know that!" Skylar rolled her eyes. "I meant when will she be up and about?"

"Hard to say." Bones said. "As you know, the damage she took was pretty severe. Complete healing will take some time, a few months at least."

"Ok." Skylar nodded. She sat on the edge of the bed she'd been sleeping on only moments before.

She was quiet for a moment, thinking furiously for a moment.

"Sulu?"

Her friend grunted, not taking his eyes off Margot's sleeping face. Gently he held her bandaged hand in his own.

"Did I… Did she say… Are the two of you getting married?"

"So she promised." Sulu replied, a thin ghost of a smile lighting his face. The sleep the drugs had forced upon him had not been enough; he looked like he could topple over at any moment.

Skylar blinked a few times.

"Guess you were right after all." she said.

"How so?"

"She is the marrying type." Skylar replied. "I never would have thought."

"You know what? I had my doubts as well." Sulu said, looking at her for the first time a hint of that old friendship in his gaze.

"Well, I guess congratulations are in order, then." Skylar smiled. "Good show, kid." she said. "I can only say it was about time."

"Thank you, Skylar." Sulu said and smiled tiredly. He noticed that he couldn't be angry with Skylar for drugging him, even though a part of him wanted to. Margot was going to be alright. She would live to marry him. That was all that mattered.

"Ok, then." Bones said, helping Skylar back up and toward the sickbay door. "I'm taking my other patient for a shower and an overdue breakfast. Nurse Chapel will keep an eye on Margot and call me the second she thinks something's wrong."

"Go, doc." Sulu assured him. "We'll be alright. I'm not going anywhere."

"I don't think I should either-" Skylar began, but in her weakened state she was no match for Bones, who escorted her out of the sickbay gently, if determinedly.

"Come on, my angel." he said. "Lets get you cleaned up."

"Why are people always telling me that?" Skylar wondered, as the sickbay door closed behind them, hiding Sulu and Margot from view. "I do shower, you know. Regularly."

"Of course you do, dear." Bones said. "And you're going to do so now, too."


	32. Captain, oh Captain!

After a few days Margot was already feeling a lot better. She didn't sleep all the time anymore, and could even sit up - though Bones said she shouldn't even try walking for weeks.

Sulu still spent every waking hour of his days by her side. He couldn't even think about going back to work, not yet, and luckily everybody seemed to understand, that his place was now in the sickbay. At least Kirk had said to him: "Take as much time as necessary. Margot needs you more, than the Enterprise." - something Sulu was truly grateful.

But as Margot's physical strength returned, she began to suffer from the inevitable consequence of being in a hospital bed - boredom. Sulu knew well enough that even in the normal world, Margot was extremely easily bored, always needing some new thing, a new kick, to entertain her, to keep her buzzing mind and restless heart satisfied. Being forced to stay in the bed, was a living Hell for her.

To keep her even somewhat content, Sulu had brought an enormous amount of readings, movies and games to entertain her. But no matter how much he tried, he knew it wasn't enough. She was about to lose her mind, and it was just the first week in bed.

"God, Hikaru, I swear I'll kick Bones's ass when I get up from this damn bed!" Margot exclaimed as she was looking at her cards - it was their seventh card game in a row.

"You mean, you'll kick his ass for fixing you so that you can kick again?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah… I am grateful and all. But I'm going to kill someone if I don't get on my feet soon."

Sulu gave a small laugh, and placed a card on the table. God, it was good to hear her voice again! Skylar had given her permission to speak again, and even if Margot's voice was still raw and husky, she just wouldn't stop talking - a few days of forced silence had been an eternity for both Margot and Sulu.

"Just don't start your killing trip from Bones, darling. Who's going to fix you then?" Sulu asked.

"Skylar?" Margot said, and looked up to his eyes. "She's just as good, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Sulu took a moment before continuing. "So… she's going to be your maid of honor, then?"

Margot blinked a few times, and looked down. Suddenly Sulu felt very nervous - they hadn't talked about the marriage thing since Margot had asked him, and he had begun to fear that she'd forgot all about it. Perhaps it had been just a hallucination after all.

"Well, I haven't asked her yet." said Margot finally, and she was smiling. "But who else could it be? I don't have that many girl pals, you know."

"So, you're still sure you want to do it?" Sulu asked, putting away the cards, and taking her hand. "We don't have to. It's up to you."

"Yeah, I want to do it." she gave a small smile, that was almost shy. "I want to marry you, Hikaru. The strangest things happens to you, when you're sucked out into the space, you know."

Sulu leaned closer to her, let his finger run through her curls, pulled her near, and then pressed a feather light kiss on her chapped lips. She breathed in sharply feeling his lips on her own, and raised her bandaged hands, wrapped them around his neck.

He wanted to kiss her so bad, so hard, to press her down against the pillow and open her lips with his tongue, to feel the insides of her mouth. He groaned, as the need filled his veins, and he had to force himself to pull away from the kiss.

She was still badly injured, he had to remind himself. No kissing, no sex - those had been Skylar and Bones' specific orders. God - he felt like a pervert just thinking about it! Margot had a broken hipbone, for heaven's sake. She needed to heal.

But that wasn't what her eyes told him, when he pulled away.

"Hikaru, please." she breathed, and reached out to him with her hand.

"No." he said, and shook his head. "Not until you're feeling better."

"I'm feeling just great!" Margot protested. "And I want to kiss my fiance."

"And I don't want to accidentally peel your skin off while kissing you."

"Argh! You're an asshat!" Margot threw away the cards she'd still been holding. "I hate you!"

"I know you do, darling." Sulu made a small laugh. "But I promise I'll kiss the living shit out of you the moment, Bones gives it a say so."

"That sounds kinky!" A male voice said from the door. "I might want to see that."

"Jim!" Margot sat up, and laughed. "Wow, it's great to see you!"

"Likewise." Kirk said, and stepped in. "So, you're feeling better I take it?"

"I'm just fine, but the idiot you call Bones, just won't let me leave this place." Margot rolled her eyes.

"Yes, well. It might have something to do with your broken hip and skin that's scaling off. But hey, what do I know." grunted Sulu.

He was suddenly feeling a bit annoyed. There was a flirty spark in Margot's eyes every time she looked at Jim, that woke up the jealousy in Sulu.

"Hey, Sulu." Kirk said, looking at him now. "Do you mind if I borrow Margot for a while?"

Borrow her. Seriously?!

But Sulu just stood up, and kept his face calm. "Sure, no problem. Margot, is it okay by you, if I go and have a cup of coffee?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Margot smiled. "Just take your time."

He bent down, and placed a very gentle kiss on the top of her head, making sure that Kirk saw just how he caressed her shoulder on a way that told who's girl this was.

Sulu passed Kirk on the doorway, and took a moment to look him in the eye.

"Margot is still badly injured." he said on a low voice. "Just don't wear her out, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." Kirk nodded, and slapped him on the shoulder. "I'll make sure she stays on her back and doesn't get _too_ excited."

Sulu blinked. He was pretty certain that Kirk did that on purpose.

* * *

After Sulu had stepped out of the door, Kirk took his place and sat down on the bed. He tried hard not to look at Margot's skin, that looked awful - it was bluish, scaling, and oozing all kinds of stuff. Yeah, he had known that she was in bad shape, but still, it was hard to see her like this.

Bones had assured him, that Margot was feeling well enough to be visited. If this was feeling better, Kirk really didn't want to know what feeling worse had looked like.

But still, there were her eyes - that looked just the same as before, and they looked at him with the same sparkle that always made him feel restless. And her smile was the same too: shameless, naughty and promising all kinds of things - at least that's how it seemed to him.

Kirk cleared his throat, and smiled, as if he hadn't noticed her wounds at all.

"It's good to see you're getting better. Skylar said that she'd given you the permission to speak again, too."

Margot made a hoarse laugh. "Yeah, well. I suspect she just got tired of telling me to shut up all the time. It's not like my voice is what it used to be."

That was true. Her voice was low and husky now, but no less appealing.

"I'm liking the new one." Kirk said.

"Oh, shut up, Jim." Margot laughed. "I'm guessing you're not here just to compliment me."

"True. I wanted to see how you're doing. You gave me quite a scare, you know."

"Really?" she raised an eyebrow. "And I thought Jim Kirk was afraid of nothing."

"Yeah, well." he shrugged. "I've lost crew members and friends before, but it's not like one gets used to it. It's just as bad every time. And losing you… it would have been unacceptable."

Margot gave him a curious look.

"You should probably give Chekov a nice bonus then, for beaming me out of there."

"Hah! Too bad I can't do that. By the way, Chekov's been asking about you all the time. He really wants to see that you're ok. Should I tell him, that you're taking visitors?"

"Oh God, no! Just look at me, Jim - I look like a zombie." Margot looked horrified. "The poor kid has a crush on me - I can't let him see me like this."

"That poor kid has a crush on everybody." noted Kirk.

"Yeah," Margot laughed. "He's cute that way. But seriously - tell him I'm grateful that he saved my life, and that I know I'm in debt. He can come and see me, when I have a skin on my face, okay?"

"Sure, I'll tell him." Kirk said, and took a moment to look at Margot. "I am in debt to him as well - we should try and buy him a huge bottle of vodka or something."

"Jim?" asked Margot, suddenly serious. "What's this all about? You being this shaken about my near death experience?"

Kirk gulped, and looked away. What could he say? He didn't know the reason himself, but the truth was, that seeing Margot being sucked out of the airlock, had been one of the worst moments of his life.

"I don't know." he shrugged. "Perhaps I just like having you around. It would've sucked big time to watch you die."

"And perhaps that's just the reason why a captain shouldn't sleep with crew members - to avoid affection."

"Yeah, well. That's probably not the only reason why I shouldn't have slept with you." Kirk noted and raised an eyebrow.

"True." she laughed again, her voice hoarse and husky. "But hey, no regrets - it was fun while it lasted, and we've both paid for that already. I'm not going to spend the rest of my days feeling bad about it."

"I don't really regret what happened between us, Margot." Kirk confessed. "My only regret is, that I hurt Sulu."

"Yeah." Margot winced. "That sucked."

They were both silent for a few heartbeats, until Margot looked up to his eyes again, and gave a curious smile.

"Hey Jim, I have a question."

"Shoot me."

"You are a Captain of a Starship. It does give you the right to wed people, doesn't it?"

Kirk just stared at Margot for a few seconds.

"Wed? You mean, as-"

"Yeah, would you wed me and Hikaru? We have decided to get married."

"I thought you had commitment issues!" Kirk blurted out.

Margot raised an eyebrow. "Is that a way to congratulate someone? And what's this thing, that everyone has hard time believing me - can't a person change her mind after a near death experience?"

"So that's what this is about? You almost died, and began to regret things you hadn't done?"

"No, that's not it, Jim." Margot said, now clearly annoyed. "It's just… when I was on that airlock, knowing I was going to die, there was only one thing in my mind, and it was him. For the first time in my life, I realized that I don't want to die. That I have something worth living for, and that thing is his love."

Her eyes were dead serious, and there was not a hint of laughter in her voice. Suddenly Kirk realized, this was the first time he had heard her talking about her feelings, telling him something personal.

"In that case, congratulations." He said silently, and gave her a comforting smile. "If that's what you really want, of course I'll wed you. Sulu is a lucky guy to get a bride like you."

"Yeah, a corpse bride." Margot made a face. "Bones will have to do some miracles on my face before I'll be able to walk down the aisle."

"Good - that'll give me some time to prepare for the wedding. I hope there is a guide or something, 'A Captain's guide on wedding people' - I've never done that before."

"I'm sure you'll do just fine, Jim. If I remember correctly, you were pretty awesome at doing some things you'd never done before."

Kirk looked at her in the eye.

"You know, we'll have to stop talking to each other like this."

"As you say, Jim." Margot said obediently.

"At least after I'd wed you with one of my best friends."

Margot laughed. "It sounds funny when someone else says it. It sounds wonderful."

"I'm happy for you, I really am. Sulu is a great guy, and I know he'll do all in his power to make you happy." He placed his hand on her shoulder, very carefully not to hurt her, and caressed her gently. "I must go now, to give you some rest. I don't want two angry doctors and a furious groom raging at me for wearing you out."

"Rubbish, I'm fine!" Margot exclaimed, but Kirk knew she was lying. It was clear, that she was exhausted for keeping up the cheerful face for this long. She must be in pain, he knew, but she just wouldn't let anyone see that.

"Just try to rest - captain's order." Jim said, and stood up. He was already at the door, when Margot's voice made him turn around.

"Jim?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." There were suddenly tears in her eyes, and she seemed very serious. "For not giving up on me. I know it was Chekov who beamed me to safety, but you were the one who gave the orders. I owe you my life, Jim."

"Nonesense." he shook his head. "I only did what was necessary- letting you die, was never an option. I love you."

"And I love you, Jim. I'm proud to be able to call you my friend."

"Likewise." Kirk nodded, and walked out of the room.

A friend - she had said. That was all they'd ever be, he knew, and he wasn't quite certain how he felt about that. He shook his head, walking away from the sickbay: this was getting too complicated for his liking. About time he'd go to a bar and find some nice company for the night.

A blonde with big boobs, preferably. That always worked for him.


	33. something transitory

**I'm going to take a moment to thank you, anonymous guest, who left a review on this story last night. Unfortunately I can't send a message to you personally, but let me just say that reading your review was probably the best moment of my day. (Or even the best moment of this whole week.) It made me very happy to hear, that you like this, and it seems that you like it for the same reasons I do (Hooooot John Cho, that is). And I was thrilled, that this story still interests you - after more than 30 chapters! I hope you keep on reading this, and that it still entertains you. I can promise, that there'll be some fucked up twists coming in the future chapters! :D**

 **And to all my readers: enjoy, and please leave reviews. ;)**

* * *

"Hey, Mom." Sulu said, and smiled.

"Oh dear God, Hikaru! It's been ages." exclaimed his mother, clearly shaken by the fact that he had called - it wasn't something he did too often. "How are you?"

"I'm great. Actually, I'm better than great." He just couldn't stop smiling, and his mother noticed that too.

"What's going on, Hikaru?"

"A lot. Ah, so much has happened. I don't even know where to start."

"Start from the beginning then."

"Or from the end? I'm getting married, Mom. Tomorrow."

She gasped of joy, and a few tears fell to her cheeks. "Oh, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you! Congratulations! I just wish I could be there, to see it."

"Yeah, me too. I'd really want you to be here for my wedding."

"So, tell me - who's going to be my daughter-in-law?"

"Mom, it's her. It's Margot."

Her eyes widened. She was silent for a few heartbeats, clearly having hard time wrapping her thoughts around the idea.

"Margot… as in, _our_ Margot?"

"Yeah, the one and only. She's here, and we've been together for a while now. She asked me to marry her, and I said yes."

"She asked you?" His mother laughed. "Not the other way around?"

"Well, I did ask her first, but… she wasn't quite ready at the time." An understatement of the year, but it wasn't like his mother needed to know _everything_. "But she changed her mind."

"That's… unexpected."

"Yes, it is." Sulu said, and was silent for a moment.

He knew what his mother was thinking about. He remembered all too well all the times she had told him to get over Margot, to try and fall in love with a 'good girl' instead.

"Mom." He said, finally. "It's alright. I know what I'm doing."

"I know you do, sweetheart." she said. "But I can't help but to worry a little, that's what mothers do. Is she still as she was?"

"More or less." Sulu shrugged and smiled. "But she's in love with me now, and it seems to calm her down a bit."

"Really? Well, I hope so. Perhaps she has grown up - I haven't heard from her in a long time. How is she, Hikaru? Is she alright?"

"Yeah, she's fine. You'd be proud of her - she's a great officer, and she's serving on the flagship of the fleet, with me. You raised her well, you know. She's said so herself - that you thought her all she knows."

"I'm glad to hear that, Hikaru. I know that somewhere, deep and hidden inside, she has a heart of gold. And I do hope she finds peace and happiness by your side." she said, and her voice was soft and a little sad. "Give her my love, will you? And my blessing."

"So… You're alright with me marrying her, then?"

"You would do it anyways, no matter what I thought. As it should be. I remember when you came home that night, the night you had first met her. You were eight years old, Hikaru, and you had already made up your mind. She was the only girl in the world for you, from that day on, so this has been a long time coming. I'm happy for you. Both of you."

"Thank you." he breathed. "We'll come and see you in a few years."

"You'd better." She was wiping off her tears. "But Hikaru,"

"Yeah?"

"Marriage is a complicated thing. It isn't always easy, I know that. She'll no longer be just your friend, your girlfriend or your lover - she'll be your wife, in good and bad. Remember to treat her well, and always with respect."

"I promise, Mother." he said, and meant every inch of it.

A promise he never thought he'd break, and yet it turned out her mother was right. Marriage was a complicated thing indeed, and it could bring out the worst, in even the best of people.

* * *

They were married in a small ceremony, the only ones present were their closest friends. Margot had wanted it like that, and Sulu didn't really cared either way. The only thing that mattered to him, was that she'd be his wife.

For the rest of his life he'd remember how she looked when she walked to him, down the aisle. Of course it wasn't a real aisle, it was just a small and simple meeting room, with no decorations of any kind, but he hardly even noticed.

She walked towards him, and his heart melt.

There were flowers in her hair, and she was wearing the same pink yukata she had in that tea ceremony. Her face was almost too pale, nervous, expecting, her green eyes glimmered and her cheeks were flushed on a way that took his breath away.

She was the most beautiful thing in the universe, he was certain, and his knees went weak as she walked to him, and took his hand.

He had no idea what Kirk said, wedding them, for it felt like his words just flew through his head. "I do," he remembered saying, determinately, and she said it too - with a soft whisper. And then there was the part he had been waiting, the one where Kirk said: "You may kiss the bride."

He did, oh God he did, and she pressed her tiny body against his chest. There was cheering and clapping of hands, but he hardly heard it, for her lips were on his, and she was his wife.

"I love you…" she breathed into the kiss, and her words were intoxicating.

They had a few drinks with their friends after the ceremony, and it was fun because everyone was so happy - like people always were on weddings, but he just couldn't wait for it to be over, to get Margot into their quarters. His gaze followed her every move, her every smile, and his heart beat like the wings of a humming bird inside the cage of his ribs.

She was chatting with Chekov and Uhura, a Cardassian Canar in her hand, and she was laughing. Sulu admired the way her curls fell to her neck, how the real flowers moved in her hair when she talked. The way she held the drink in her hand, with her delicate fingers, and how she raised the glass to her perfect, full lips and took a sip.

And suddenly he just couldn't wait any longer.

He excused himself from the conversation he'd been having, and walked to her.

"Darling." he whispered to her ear. "Let's go."

"Already?" she turned to face him, and gave him a small kiss on the lips. "But I'm having fun!"

"I'll guarantee you'll be having more fun with me." he groaned. "For I want to make love to my wife, right now. That okay by you?"

She giggled, and blushed, and the husky sound of her laughter turned him on. He didn't wait for her to answer, but just grabbed her into his arms, and lifted her up.

"Sorry folks, we're leaving." He announced, as he began to carry her towards the door. "Keep the party going - the drinks are on me."

They were laughing, and making naughty remarks, but he didn't hear, nor did he care. For Margot was in his arms, and he would carry her to their quarters, and make her his, like never before.

As soon as the door of his cabin closed behind them, he pushed her against the wall and kissed her. Her lips opened to his tongue, and she moaned as his hands began to rip off her yukata.

They hadn't made love since the accident. It had been two months now, and her sick leave had officially ended today. In the morning, before their wedding, Bones had sought Sulu out, and given a permission to… well, to do what he was about to do to her right now.

He opened the belt of her yukata, and pulled it off her, and hastily, his hands shaking, he opened her bra as well. Her small, firm breasts fit his palms like it was meant to be, their hard nipples felt divine and he groaned as he tugged on them.

Margot's eager hands moved under his shirt, and he helped her to pull it off. Her fingers felt cool on his skin, as she moved them to his waist, and opened his belt as well.

"I want you so much!" she breathed, and kissed his neck, his collarbone, and let her tongue find his nipple. She sucked on it gently and it hardened, sending a tug like electric current through his body, making him groan. And at the same time she opened his pants, and pulled them down as well as his boxers, finding his hard erection with her fingers.

"Oh, God…!" he moaned, as she gripped tight on his shaft, and slowly began to pump up and down his length. It felt so good, he had to bit his lip not to cry out loud. She kept caressing him, as he bent down to kiss her, and her lips opened to her in a way that made him want to open everything in her. Her petite form was trembling as he pushed her against the wall, and worked his fingers into her underwear, and began to caress her.

God, how long had he waited for this! For her to melt in his arms, for her to sob and moan his name as he pleased her! He loved how she felt on his fingers - all warm and wet, and shivering. It was the best feeling in the world, to know that she wanted him, that she needed him inside of her. To feel how her pulse accelerated, her breathing became fast and shallow - all for him, all because of the way he touched her.

She'd let go of his cock, and her hands were now on his shoulders, grabbing on him hard, so that she'd stay on her feet, he knew. For her knees went weak as he pushed his fingers inside of her, and pleased her.

He knew she'd come if he just kept on doing what he was doing.

"Oh, Hikaru…!" she moaned, her voice thin and breathless. "Oh, please, please, please, please, please-"

"Not yet." he groaned, and pulled his fingers out of her, making her moan in desperation.

But he wasn't going to make her wait for long. Instantly he grabbed her in his arms, and she made a surprised yelp, as he threw her onto the bed, and moved between her legs.

"I love you…!" he breathed, as he pushed inside of her, his hard erection cutting her open, on a way that made her gasp.

"Ah!" she moaned, pulling him near with her legs. "Yes…! I've missed this-"

"Me too, ah…!" he replied, and kissed her, beginning to move inside of her, circling his hips slowly, so that he entered deeper and deeper with every thrust.

Margot loved it, when he fucked her like this, he knew. Slowly, but hard. She liked it, when he was the dominant one, and so he now grabbed her wrists, and pushed them down against the mattress so, that she couldn't touch him, or move.

"Please, Hikaru, please…!" she cried out, as he kept on.

"Tell me, what do you want?" he groaned.

"I want you! Ah! Please, I'm gonna-"

And he fastened his pace, giving her what she wanted, an orgasm that made her cry and curse and moan, until she finally collapsed on the bed, gasping for air, shivering from head to toe.

It pushed him off the edge, her pleasure that washed over him in a serial of waves. He let go of her wrists, and wrapped his arms around her, kissed her neck as he came, shouting out loud.

It took a moment for them to catch their breath. He lay on top of her, still inside of her, letting his heartbeat calm down, before even trying to speak.

"That was pretty awesome." Margot breathed, and placed a small kiss on his shoulder.

"You still think that the wedding recepiton was more fun?" he grinned, and pushed himself up on his elbows. "We can go back there, you know."

"Hell no." she whispered, and wrapped her thighs around his hips, swaying slowly. "I'm not going to let you go just yet."

He kissed her, her lips that tasted like alcohol and roses, and the taste of them made him high headed.

They were married. God damn, they were really married, and he had just made love to his wife.

"Are you happy?" he asked, still on top of her, pulling his fingers through her hair.

"Yes." she breathed. "This is the happiest moment of my life. But Hikaru, I'm so happy, that I'm scared too."

"Why are you scared, darling?" he asked, mesmerized, for there was suddenly sadness in her eyes.

"Because, in my experience, happiness never lasts. It's only an illusion, something transitory, a thing that breaks too easily if you try to grip it."

"Oh, am I going to prove you wrong." Sulu chuckled, and kissed her again, to wash away her worries. "And I'll start by kissing every inch of your precious skin, and then by making love to you, all night long."

Margot laughed. "Is that a promise, my husband?"

"Hell, yeah." he groaned, and kissed her hard, so that neither of them wanted to speak any more.


	34. A messed up reality

**Less than one year later:**

"Hikaru spends too much time with her." Margot said, and sipped her wine.

"With whom?" Skylar turned her gaze from the movie they were watching, to see her friend.

"Yoshiko Fujii." She stated. "You know her, my long lost scientist friend, who's now drooling all over my husband."

"Oh, her." Skylar said, and turned off the movie.

It was obvious, that Margot didn't really want to watch it anymore. She wanted to talk, and this was a chat Skylar had known for a long time, was coming. Actually, she had feared this moment since they had a few weeks earlier found the 34 missing scientists, that had been abducted from the very same space station Margot had almost lost her life on. For a reason Skylar had hard time figuring out, there had been a young woman named Yoshiko Fujii amongst those 34 people. The same Doctor Fuji, Skylar had learnt to know - and love - as Hikaru Sulu's wife on the alternate reality she remembered best.

But on that reality, this certain Ms. Fuji had never worked on that space station, nor had she been kidnapped by evil aliens - only to be rescued by the Enterprise, and more accurately by Hikaru Sulu.

Damn that heroic bastard, for saving a woman in distress! Skylar cursed in her mind. Had she known that Yoshiko was on that moon, she would've made sure Sulu never stepped his foot on it.

"You know, he really enjoys her company." Margot said silently. "They are so much alike, and somehow when I see them… they seem so intimate with each other. You know what I'm talking about, right?"

"I haven't noticed." Skylar tried, and avoided Margot's gaze by pouring some more wine to her glass.

"You're lying. I hate it when you do that." She gulped some of the delicious red wine - the real thing, imported from France. "And I hate that damn Yoshiko. God, it's like she's this perfect goddess, with her flawless skin and elegant looks. When I look at her, I feel all clumsy, and stupid and ugly. Just look at me, Skylar. How can I ever compete with her?"

"First: there is no competition. You are Sulu's wife, he loves you. And secondly: you are a science officer-"

"A _junior_ science officer." Margot corrected.

"Fine, a junior science officer, but still by definition, you can't be stupid. And what comes to your looks, I can pick any guy from this ship and ask how they feel about the matter, and they'll all say you're beautiful."

"No, they'd say I'm fuckable. There's a difference."

"You're a stubborn ass. You're damn pretty, and you know it. Just because you happen to have some scars, doesn't change that."

"Some scars?" Margot looked at her with dark eyes, made a face, and took another sip from her glass. "My cheeks and nose will never be the way they were."

"You'r lucky to be alive, Margot. Minor scarring on your face is irrelevant, to everyone but you."

"Yeah, well, it makes me feel like a fricking Frankenstein." Margot grunted. "At least compared to Yoshiko."

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well, there is a first time for everything." Skylar shrugged.

"I'd never had a reason to be before."

"What are you saying? That Hikaru has given you reason for that now?"

"Not as such." Margot bit her lip. "He's being a saint. But I _know_ , that he wants her. Call it a feminine instinct, if you will, but I'm sure."

"I haven't noticed anything, Margot. I'm sure it's all in your head."

"Either you're lying, or you're blind. Just look at him the next time you see them together, will you? He has this look in his eyes…. The look I'm used to see, when he sees me."

Skylar looked down, to avoid her friend's accusing gaze. She knew Margot was right, but still she could not make herself to admit it.

"Even if that's true - and I'm not saying it is - it's not that bad. You're checking out guys all the time, aren't you?."

"That's different."

"How is that different? Because you've already slept with everyone?"

"That's not fair!" Margot exclaimed. "There are people I haven't slept with. At least I think there are. Besides, I've been faithful to Hikaru."

"Except the time you had sex with Jim."

"Hey!" She protested. "That was before we got married, and it has absolutely nothing to do with this! Whose side are you on, Skylar?"

"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware there were sides to be taken."

"Well, there might be. Besides, this really is very different than my fling with Jim."

"How come?"

"Because I've never been, nor will I be, married to anyone else but Hikaru."

Skylar winced under her stern gaze. Margot knew. But how? How was it possible?

"I don't know what you're talking about." she tried one, last time.

"Stop that goddamn lying!" Margot snapped. "And don't you dare to hide behind some stupid rule or directive. Just tell me the truth, now. Yoshiko Fujii is Hikaru's past/future alternate reality wife, isn't she? Tell me, or I'll never talk to you again."

"Alright, alright. It's true." Skylar had to resign.

God, she hated it when Margot forced the truth out of her like this. But then again, had she been Margot, wouldn't she want to know? She was jealous of Leo's ex wife as it was, even if their relationship had been over a long time before she'd even met him.

"But still," she continued. "I don't understand why you're so upset about it. Sulu only married her because you'd been dead for years, and he had been alone for a long time. Besides, you two never were together in the first place in that reality."

"Did he love her?" Margot's voice was as dark as her eyes now. "Did he love her, like he loves me, or more?"

"I'm not going to tell you the details, Margot! I'm simply not allowed to do that."

"Tell me. Now! Was he happy with her?"

Skylar gave a long sigh. "Yeah, okay? They had a long and happy marriage, and they had a daughter together. But he missed you for the rest of his life, and never forgave himself for not telling you how he really felt about you. You were his first love, and Yoshiko was the second."

Margot was silent for a long while, but kept sipping her wine on a way that made Skylar rather nervous. She cursed in her mind. Damn that Hikaru Sulu, for not being able to hide his interest! Why did he have to be dumb enough to let Margot notice that something was going on?

It was agonizing enough for Skylar, to watch Sulu and Yoshiko together as it was. To see the couple she remembered so well, and that now never would be. To remember their wedding, their daughter… the smart little girl named Demora. Skylar had been her godmother, and now that girl would never even be born! Demora Sulu would never be the helmsman of USS Enterprise in this reality - another thing that had been changed by Nero.

Skylar shook her head to get rid of the disturbing thoughts. Yeah, Yoshiko and Sulu had made a great couple, but that was another reality. Now everything was different: she didn't believe for one moment that Sulu would leave Margot for Yoshiko. He loved Margot, and they were married - had been for more than six months now. There was no way he'd want to mess that up.

"Margot, you worry too much." Skylar said, and gave her a reassuring glance.

"Or then I don't worry enough."

"He loves you."

"I know."

"Then what's wrong?" Skylar asked. "Is that not enough?"

Margot shrugged, and buried herself in the corner of the couch.

"Maybe it isn't. What if our marriage was a mistake? What if I messed up this reality by not dying? What if Hikaru really does belong together with Yoshiko? I know he want's to have kids. He's given up that dream to be able to be with me. But with her he could have what he wants the most - a family. I can't help but wonder, if I've been selfish and taken away his only chance for true happiness."

"You're being silly now." Skylar stated. "There is no plan. There is no 'meant to be'. Just because he married her in the alternate reality, doesn't mean they belong together, kids or no kids."

"But-"

"No buts!" Skylar exclaimed. "You're making a thing out of nothing. He's never going to leave you, I know that for sure. He loves you way too much to hurt you."

"Yeah… you're probably right." Margot said, but didn't seem convinced. There was something dark and sad in her eyes, something that Skylar didn't like at all.


	35. Why, oh why, oh why?

Sulu sat in a bar, staring at his almost empty glass.

He felt like crap, and for a reason. He'd had this huge fight with Margot, a thing he hated the most, especially now that she was right, and there was no way he could admit that.

He groaned in desperation. Why, oh, why, oh, why was this happening to him? He'd give anything to go back to how things have been before that damn away mission where he had met Yoshiko Fujii.

Yeah, if he only could forget all about her, he would have done it. But it seemed his heart had a will of it's own, and a restlessness he'd never felt before, was growing inside of him, so that he just could not shake it off, no matter how much he wanted to.

It was the strangest feeling. To think about someone else than Margot. To _want_ someone else than her. Yeah, he'd had a few girlfriends on the academie days, and also one in the Enterprise before Margot had arrived. But to tell the truth, he had never loved any of them - he had liked them, sure, and the sex had been good. But he had never been in love with anyone but Margot.

He had thought that was the way his heart was built - that there was only room for her, and no one else.

But it turned out, marriage was a complicated thing. And issues of the heart were not as simple as he had thought they would be.

Damn that Yoshiko Fujii, for being so much to his liking. It was almost like he could… fall for her.

He hated it, but he loved it at the same time.

God, this sucked the big time.

"Hey, is everything alright?" a familiar female voice said.

He turned around, to see the beautiful, petite woman leaning on the bar beside him. Her hair was smooth and black, stylishly cut, and her pale skin was flawless. Her eyes were as dark as his own, and they had a nice almond shape - something he found really appealing.

"Oh, hey, Yoshiko." He replied, and pondered for a second or so, if he should just go on with the small talk, or tell the truth. For a reason he really didn't understand, he chose the latter option.

"No… not really. I had this stupid fight with my wife."

"Margot, right?"

"Yeah. You know her?" Sulu looked up to her dark eyes.

"Sure I do. We went to university together, before she dropped out, and enlisted in starfleet."

"Oh." Sulu said.

He remembered that, alright.

* * *

 _It was the first time they had been apart for a such a long time, him and Margot. Margot had moved to Boston to go to University, and he was already in the starfleet academy, having graduated from high school a year earlier than her._

 _At first Margot would call him all the time, and write letters too - old fashioned, real paper letters, telling all kinds of things she had learnt or seen. But after a few months, the letters stopped, and then the calls too._

 _The silence was too profound, and Sulu began to worry. He called her many times, but she just would not return his calls, and he had a bad feeling about what was going on._

 _It could be just booze. Or then it was drugs, which was worse. He'd heard about all kinds of alien drugs that you could get on your hands on a campus, and he knew Margot well enough to suspect she'd tried them all._

 _Hell, hadn't she learnt anything from the last time she'd been on a rehab?_

 _Or if it wasn't drugs, it could be a bad romance. She had a thing for guys that were bad news. Or perhaps it was something else entirely, a depression that caused her to stop eating. Oh, that sucked big time. Sulu really hoped, it wasn't that. But he couldn't be sure - knowing Margot, it could be anything._

 _So when he had the next weekend leave, he packed his backpack and went to Boston, to seek her out._

 _He would never forget how she looked when he found her._

 _A black eye, a cut lip, a swollen nose and blood on her shirt._

" _Oh, fuck you, Hikaru Sulu!" she said, and slammed the door on his face. For a long time he sat on the hallway, leaning his back on the door, talking to her through it. And she leaned on it on the other side, and he heard how she cried._

 _Finally she let him in, and he cleaned her wounds in the small kitchen of her apartment._

 _She wouldn't tell him who had beaten her up. All she said, was "I cheated on him, and he found out. I had it coming."_

 _There were empty beer bottles on the floor, and absolutely no food in her fridge, and she looked too thin to be healthy._

 _Looking at her, Sulu suddenly realized: It didn't matter it it was drugs or alcohol, or a jerk of a boyfriend. Or if it was all of them combined. It didn't matter, for there was no way in Hell, he would leave her in this place._

" _You're coming with me." he said to her, and threw her suitcase on the bed. "Pack your things."_

" _Okay." she whispered, and did as she was told. Probably for the first, and last time in her life._

 _They walked away from that place, hand in hand. But it wasn't until on their way out of the city, that she asked: "Where are we going?"_

" _To space." he answered, and took her to enlist in starfleet._

* * *

"So, why did she drop out? I never got to ask her that." Yoshiko's voice brought Sulu back to reality. "She was a bright student, getting the best grades. I remember that, for I liked the competition."

"Ah, you know. She just found the Starfleet more interesting, I guess."

"As you do?"

"I guess so."

"So, what is it, that you actually do here." Yoshiko asked, and raised an eyebrow. "Other than save girls from evil aliens?"

He made a small laugh. "Well, that really isn't in my job description. I'm the helmsman of the Enterprise."

"The helmsman? Like a pilot, right?"

"Yeah."

"So… basically, what you're saying is, that you're the one who gets to fly this magnificent space vessel, the flagship of the fleet?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Wow." she smiled. "That's nice."

"I think so too." Sulu admitted. "Though it's not nearly as exciting as you make it sound."

"Hey, your glass is empty." Yoshiko noticed. "Can I buy you a drink? To thank you for saving my life."

He knew it was a bad idea.

He knew he should've declined and return to the cabin he shared with Margot, and apologize to her for their argument. She'd forgive him for being an ass - she always did, and everything would be back to normal.

Except that it wouldn't. It never would now, that Margot had told him the truth when they'd been fighting. The truth about Yoshiko.

He looked at her, and now that he knew, she seemed even more familiar to him, like he almost remembered how it felt to kiss her, to pull her near, to-

God, he'd really, really have to stop thinking about that!

"Sure, why not." he heard his voice saying. "I'd love to have a drink with you."

"Well then, what can I get you, Mr. Sulu?" She smiled, and sat by his side, and he knew he was in big trouble.


	36. Tea and sympathy

Hikaru Sulu stood on the silent bridge of the Enterprise. Only a few people were there, on the night watch. It wasn't his shift, but whenever he needed a place to just stare into the space, and think, he noticed he found himself at the bridge.

As Yoshiko had said: "You're the one who gets to fly this magnificent space vessel? Nice!"

He knew, it was a privilege to be among those few people who could say, they served on the command bridge of the Enterprise. If Sulu had to say where his home was, he'd named this place. At least that would've been the answer before Margot. For now his home was where his heart was, and it was with her.

At least it was 90% with her.

The remaining 10%... That was another matter, and right now he was desperately trying to figure out what the Hell he should do about that.

He stared at the never ending space, that reflected the darkness of his heart.

He had spent the night with Yoshiko. It was now almost morning, and still he could not make himself to go to his quarters, to face Margot. For what would he say to her?

What on Earth could he say to her?

He had went to Yoshiko's place just to talk to her. To tell her, he could not see her anymore - that it all had to end, before it had even begun. But Yoshiko had kissed him, and he hadn't been able to stop it. He had felt her delicate form on his hands, her shallow breathing and her rapid heartbeat on his skin, and there was no denying that it had been arousing.

But he hadn't slept with her.

He hadn't fucked her, no matter how much she had asked for him to do it. For he knew there would've been no justification for that action.

It wasn't like he was a saint now, far from it. He felt filthy, disgusting and guilty to his bones. But it would've been a thousand times worse, had he slept with her.

It was funny, how something you've wanted to do for a long time, can be so eye opening when you finally do it. The agonizing mess he'd carried in his heart for weeks now, was suddenly beginning to clear - like a sky after weeks of heavy rain.

Kissing Yoshiko had made him realize, what was it all about.

It was a fling. It was a infatuation. It was a revenge.

It was a shooting star on a sky, where Margot's love was the sun that enabled his whole life.

Could he fall in love with Yoshiko? Yeah. He could see that happening, himself marrying her, having a life with her - but only in an alternate future, where Margot was dead. In this reality she was very much alive, and he intended to make sure that she'd stay that way. And that she'd stay with him.

But goddamn it, it would've been so much easier to go and tell her that, had he not kissed Yoshiko!

It wasn't until the morning, that he managed to leave the bridge. With hesitating steps he walked the hallways, all the way to their cabin, their home. He stepped in, with a heavy heart, tasting a fear in his lips, a metallic taste, almost like blood.

He'd thought Margot would be asleep, in their bed. Naked - that's the way she always slept - wrapped in sheets, sleeping peacefully, her red curls a mess around her rosy cheeked face.

But the bed was empty. In the darkness of the room, Margot's petite frame sat stiffly on a couch, staring at him when he stepped in. It was obvious, she'd been there the whole night - waiting for him to arrive.

"You were with her." she breathed, motionless. It wasn't a question.

Sulu gulped. He saw all the ways this could go to Hell.

"Yes, but it isn't what you think."

K"Did you fuck her?" she asked, very silently.

"I didn't."

"Liar." Margot stated, and stood up, walked to him.

She took his hands, and looked at them, breathed the air around him, and then - without a warning, she slapped his face.

"I can smell her perfume all over you. I can see her kisses on your neck. Don't you dare to tell me nothing happened!"

Sulu was holding his burning cheek, and winced on her words.

"I didn't sleep with her. That's the truth, Margot."

"Oh, you must be very proud of yourself." Margot spat out. "Tell me - what did you do to her? Did you kiss her? Did you touch her? Did you please her with your mouth, like you please me? Did you let her touch you, to suck your dick? Did she make you come?"

"Nothing like that." Sulu said. "I didn't have sex with her, you must believe me."

"I don't must to do anything, Hikaru Sulu." she whispered, and suddenly there was no anger in her eyes, only sadness, that was so deep it made him gasp. "It doesn't matter though, I don't really need to know what was it that you did with her."

He tried to take her hands, to pull her near, but she winced and backed away from him.

"Margot, I've realized…" he tried, his voice suddenly failing him. "I don't want her. I only want you, and I want to get over this stupid, agonizing mess - together. Please, please give me a chance to do that."

"It's funny that you should say that." Margot looked away from him, her eyes full of sorrow.

"Why do you say so?"

"Because I've wanted nothing more to hear you say those words, for weeks now. But now that you say them, I see it all very clearly." She looked back at him, deep in the eye, and her face was pale as death. "You lie when you say, she's not the one you want. She's your wife, she can't be irrelevant to you. I understand that, even if it cuts out my heart."

"No - you are my wife!"

"You're mistaken, darling. I am nothing, but a flaw in this reality. I shouldn't exist. I should be long dead by now, and you should be living this other, beautiful life without me."

"That's bullshit, Margot. The only life I want, is by your side."

"Then why did you kiss her?" she breathed silently. "Why did you hold her in your arms? Why did you let her touch you, like only I'm supposed to touch you?"

"I- " but there was really nothing he could say.

There was no explanation, no justification. He had committed a crime, and now he'd have to pay for it.

"I'm sorry." he finally breathed, unable to even look at her in the eye.

"No, you're not." she said. "Not really, not for what you did. You wanted to kiss her, and you did, and you'd do it all over again, had you the chance to live this night again. You're only sorry that you've hurt me."

He didn't reply. There was an ice cold lump in his throat, that sucked away his ability to speak.

She was right, of course, but it was unbearable to hear her words, her silent and cold voice. There was no feeling in her motionless face, nothing he could read, and that scared him more than anything.

"Margot, I-" he stepped closer to her, reached his hand to touch her, but she evaded his touch, stepped back to get further away from him.

"Don't touch me!" she breathed. "Don't ever touch me again!"

She ran to the door, not even looking at his direction, and feeling how his heart broke in pieces, Sulu watched as the door closed behind her.

* * *

Margot ran. She ran like like there was a devil chasing her.

She made it a few hallways away from her cabin, until her knees gave out and she had to stop, lean against the wall to catch her breath. But she couldn't breath, God, it was like being thrown into the space again, there was a void sucking out the oxygen, and she couldn't see anymore.

She fell down to the floor, leaning her back on the wall, gasping for air.

And then the pain hit her.

It was like a crushing weight on her heart, a sword that cut through her chest.

She cried out, screamed like an animal. No words came from her lips, only a desperate cry, a plea for help.

God, she'd been stupid!

She'd been an idiot to fall in love, to believe in love. To think that someone like Sulu could actually love her.

She had known, deep inside, that she wasn't worth this. There was no peace, no happiness for her in this life - she should've known it.

So why did it hurt so much now, that it was happening?

Tears ran down her face like waterfall, her whole body was shaking, and she just couldn't stop screaming. It was the only way to not die of this pain.

"Margot, what is it?!" a voice with a thick russian accent, said from somewhere far, far away. "What is wrong?"

Slowly she opened her eyes, and looked up. There was someone kneeling by her side, holding a hand on her shoulder.

She couldn't speak, she could only sob, desperately trying to catch her breath.

"Margot, talk to me!" Chekov commanded, clearly frightened. "Can I help you?"

"Kill me." she whispered. "Put a gun on my head, and pull the trigger."

"What?!" Chekov's voice was shocked, but Margot hardly noticed it.

I should be dead - she thought to herself. I should be dead. I should be dead. I should be dead. I should be-

"Margot, get up." Chekov said, and firmly grabbed her arm. He lifted her up, onto her shaky feet, and noticing she couldn't stand up on her own, wrapped an arm around her. "I will take you to your quarters to rest, and-"

"No!" that brought Margot back to her senses. There was no way she could go back to her own cabin, the one she shared with Hikaru. "No, please, not there!"

"Alright, I will take you to my place then." Chekov answered, and helped her to take the first step. "We'll have some tea, and it is all going to be alright."

But Margot knew, there wasn't enough tea or sympathy in this universe to make her heart beat again.


	37. Future is now, thanks to science!

" **Ouch, I have lost myself again.**

 **Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,**

 **Yeah, I think that I might break.**

 **Lost myself again and I feel unsafe.**

 **Be my friend.**

 **Hold me, wrap me up.**

 **Unfold me.**

 **I am small and needy.**

 **Warm me up.**

 **And breathe me."**

 **-Sia**

* * *

Margot lay on the sofa, her head on Chekov's lap, and wrapped her arms around her.

She was shivering from head to toe, like she was freezing to death, and the blanket Chekov had given her wasn't helping. Nothing could help her with this, she knew. Not the hot tea (that she hadn't even touched), not the blanket, not Chekov, who tenderly kept caressing her shoulder, to make her stop sobbing.

For this coldness came from inside, from her soul and her heart. She was indeed freezing to death, and her heart would soon stop beating.

She knew nothing could make this to stop, nothing but Hikaru's arms around her. And that wouldn't happen. It would never happen again, she knew, for she'd have to set him free.

Her head was spinning, and she felt nausaus.

It was like she was falling again. Falling from the tree, falling through the canopy. She didn't want to think about how it would feel, when she hit the ground.

Suddenly the nausea got the better of her, and she had to force herself up, onto her feet, and rush to the bathroom to throw up.

Worried, Chekov followed her, and held her hair while she was vomiting. When she was finished, he handed her a small towel, and helped her to wash her face.

"Are you alright?" he asked finally, when Margot crawled away from the toilet seat and sat on the floor, leaning on the wall. "I mean, are you sick? Should I get a doctor?"

"No, Pavel." she breathed, and wiped her mouth. "I'm not sick. But could you please get Skylar?"

"Of course." he answered, and got up.

Margot watched as Chekov left the bathroom, to make the call.

I should be dead.

The thought just wouldn't let her in peace.

I should be dead.

I should be dead, so that Hikaru could move on, and have his happy family with Yoshiko.

For a short moment Margot wondered, if there would be a razor blade in Chekov's bathroom cupboard, but the biologist in her knew, it wasn't that simple to kill herself with one. Cutting one's wrists hardly ever worked, and she suspected she couldn't cut her femoral artery deep enough either. Slicing her throat would do, but-

Chekov was already back by her side, helping her up.

"Come on, now." he said, and led her back to the living room. "Skylar's coming, but now you will have to rest and have some tea."

"Thank you, Pavel." she whispered, and collapsing on the couch, she took the cup, but couldn't bring herself to lift it up to her lips.

In silence they waited until Skylar arrived a few minutes later.

Margot was still staring at her teacup, and thinking about razor blades, as Skylar rushed in, and sat by her side on the couch.

"Margot, what happened?" Skylar asked with her voice full of worry.

Margot looked up from her tea, to meet Skylar's dark blue eyes.

"Hikaru spent the night with Yoshiko."

"WHAT?" Skylar exclaimed. "He didn't?!"

"Yes, he did. He told me about it himself."

"Did they… have sex?"

Margot shrugged and looked away. "Honestly? I don't know. He said that they didn't, but how am I supposed to believe that? Her smell was all over his body."

Skylar stood up in anger, and cursed.

"That bastard! Oh, I'm going to-"

"You're going to do nothing, Skylar." Margot stated. "You're not going to hurt him in any way, and I mean it."

"But he cheated on you!"

"Skylar, come on." She took a deep breath. "Is it cheating, if you do it with your spouse? In your reality they were married. They are supposed to be together, and I'm supposed to be dead."

"Don't you dare to sink in that self pity again!" Skylar snapped. "He loves you! I don't believe for a second, that he'd leave you for her!"

"No, of course he wouldn't. He's honorable that way. No matter how much he want's to be with Yoshiko, he's never going to leave me. Not as long as I'm alive."

It took a moment for her words to sink in, but when they did, Skylar grabbed her shoulders fiercely, and forced her to look her in the eye.

"Stop it." Skylar said, her face pale and fierce. "Stop this talk right now, or I'll take you to the sickbay, with or without your consent. There is no way I'm going to let you kill yourself."

Margot blinked a few times.

There was so much love and fear in Skylar's eyes, that it suddenly cut through the ice in her heart.

Yes, she might have lost Hikaru for ever, but there were other people who loved her. She could not let Skylar down. She couldn't leave her coping with her death for the second time.

"Yeah, ok." she breathed silently. "I promise."

"Good." Skylar snapped. "Now, tell me what he said to you exactly, and let's make a plan. A plan that doesn't involve you hurting yourself."

Margot shook her head, and looked down, the tears suddenly burning in her eyes again. God, it hurt to think about it! It hurt so much, it was all but unbearable.

"He has feelings for her." she sobbed.

"Did he say so?"

"He didn't have to. I know. He wouldn't have kissed her if he didn't."

"And what is he going to do about it?"

"It doesn't matter what he's going to do, Skylar." Margot replied silently. "I already know what I have to do. I have to step aside, and let him have his happiness."

A shocked silence followed her words, and Margot looked from Skylar to Chekov, who was now sitting on an armchair nearby.

"Margot, that is insane." Chekov said. "You can not just run away!"

"I'm not running away. I'm going to do the right thing."

"What you're planning to do, is not the right thing - it's the most moronic plan I have ever heard in my entire life!" snapped Skylar. "You love Hikaru, I know you do. And he loves you. You need to stay and fight for him! You need to make him get on his knees and beg for your forgiveness!"

"What, you think I should get my katana and slice Yoshiko's smart little head off her shoulders?" Margot was annoyed. "Fighting won't solve anything! It won't change the destiny."

"There is no bloody destiny!" Skylar shouted. "And by God, I regret the day I ever told you about Hikaru being married to that bitch."

Skylar walked across the room, and took a deep breath to calm down.

Chekov, who'd been mostly silent during the exchange of words, now looked to Margot, his beautiful face all serious.

"Even if you would want to leave, Margot, it is not that simple. I mean, where would you go? It is not like you could just walk to the bus stop with your suitcase."

"There might not be a bus stop, but there are other kind of stops." Margot shrugged. "Something will come up, space is not that big of a place after all."

"Chekov, what kind of a Russian are you?" Skylar suddenly stated, frustrated. "It's the end of the world, and you're not even offering us vodka."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he replied with his thick accent, and stood up. "I made tea."

"Tea is not the thing that helps with broken heart, sweetie." Skylar said. "Now, do you have vodka or shall I get some from my place?"

"I have some." Chekov said, and opened a small cupboard, taking out a large bottle of the Russian beverage, handing it over to Skylar.

Margot watched as Skylar opened the bottle, took a sip and grimaced. She then handed the bottle to her.

"Have some." She said. "It'll make you feel better."

But Margot couldn't even stand the smell of alcohol. It turned her stomach upside down, and nausea washed over her, forcing her to rush to the bathroom again.

She threw up, until she was shaking and there was absolutely nothing to vomit anymore. When she finally reached for the towel to wipe her mouth, she noticed that Skylar had followed her, and closed the bathroom door behind her.

"You finished?" Skylar asked with a concerned voice.

Margot gave a small nod. Yeah, she was pretty sure there was nothing more to throw up in her. But her head was still spinning, and she felt very weak, so she stayed on the floor. Skylar joined her, so that they were sitting side by side on the tiled floor, their backs against the wall.

"Has this been going on a lot?" Skylar asked with her doctor's voice.

"Some." Margot admitted. "You know how I am, when I get stressed. I just can't keep the food inside."

Skylar looked at her silently for a while, her eyes all stern and worried.

"When was your last period?" she asked then, out of the blue.

"What?" Margot breathed. "I don't know. They were never regular enough to-"

And then she realized.

She blinked a few times, and felt how her face went pale. She gasped for air, panicking.

"Oh God, Skylar. You can't mean that… That's insane! I can't be pregnant!"

"You can't, or you don't want to?" Skylar asked. "You've had sex with Sulu until recently, right? Even if you've had issues."

"Yeah, just the other night we…" but she couldn't finish the sentence.

She just could not think about it, the way Hikaru had held her in his strong arms, how he had kissed her, made love to her like she was the only one he'd ever wanted.

Margot pushed her fingers to her hair, and gripped on them tightly.

Snap out of it, she said to herself. Focus. You need to focus now.

"But I have the hormone chip. It shouldn't be possible!" she breathed.

"They don't work 100%. You should know that, being a biologist and all."

"What's the use of science if it doesn't fucking work!" Margot complained, frustrated. "I have to know, Skylar. I must know if I'm carrying his child. Can you make a test?"

"Sure." Skylar said, and stood up. "I'll get the test kit. Just don't do anything stupid while I'm gone, alright?"

"Promise." Margot breathed, and leaned on the wall. "Just hurry, will you?"


	38. I'll survive

Margot stood in front of the mirror, and looked at her naked reflection, as if it was the first time she saw herself. Slowly, very carefully, she placed her hand on her abdomen.

There was something growing inside of her, she knew now. Something, that in about seven months would be a baby. Her baby. Her, and Hikaru's.

It felt surreal.

She knew the embryo wouldn't be more than a lump of cells yet, hardly bigger than a grape. It wasn't a child yet, not even close. She could still take it away, and no one would know. She wouldn't have to tell a soul.

But it had a heartbeat.

It was a tiny thing, and it had a heartbeat that was faster than the wings of a hummingbird.

And suddenly Margot knew, she couldn't abort it. There was no way she'd let anyone hurt this tiny little being, that's heart was beating inside of her body. This little… baby. Her child.

There was a new hope in her heart, light in the end of a pitch black tunnel.

She would give all her love to this child, and it would love her. Even if she'd have one else, they would have each other.

She'd have something of Hikaru, even if she didn't have his heart.

For a few minutes she just looked at herself in the mirror.

There were changes already in her appearance. How had she not noticed? Her breasts were definitely bigger than they had been, and under the pale, almost transparent skin she could see a pattern of blue veins. Her nipples were larger too, and darker in colour, she noticed. That was curious.

She let her gaze wander to her waist, that was still tiny, but her lower abdomen seemed somehow rounder. Was it just her imagination, or could you see the pregnancy already? Now that she thought about it, she was sure that her uniform had felt a little tight lately, even if there had been no change in her weight.

Seeing the changes in her appearance made the pregnancy somehow more real. There was indeed a baby growing inside of her, and it was her duty to protect that child, any means necessary.

She'd do whatever it took, to give her baby a childhood unlike her own.

A childhood with no fear.

Margot wrapped a towel around her slender form, and walked out of the bathroom, to Skylar's living room. She sat down on the sofa, and took a few minutes just to think about the future.

Even more than before, she was certain that she'd have to leave this place. And fast. Before Hikaru noticed that she was pregnant.

For if he knew, he'd never let her go. He was so honorable, so decent, that he would never abandon a pregnant wife. Hikaru would stay with her, unwillingly, longing for Yoshiko for the rest of his days.

That was not what Margot wanted, not for herself, not for him and definitely not for her child. She wouldn't be someone's second choice. It was better to raise a child alone, than with someone who did it only for the sense of duty.

So, she would have to hurry. It was a matter of days, weeks at most, before other people would notice her growing abdomen.

Determinate now, Margot stood up from the couch, and sucking up her stomach, she pulled on her skirt and a blouse.

Some makeup to hide the dark circles under her eyes, a smile on her face to hide her broken heart, and she was ready to meet the Captain.

* * *

"Captain, can I have a moment of your time?" a familiar voice said, and made Kirk turn around.

"Yes, of course Lieutenant de la Faye. How can I help you?"

"It's a private matter. Can we go somewhere?" Margot asked, and suddenly Kirk noticed that she looked very pale and the smile on her lips didn't reach her eyes.

Kirk glanced at the other people on the bridge, and noticed Sulu, who had also turned around to see Margot. His eyes were dark, but Margot was acting as if he wasn't there at all.

Kirk gave a long sigh - so, they had been fighting. He wasn't sure if it was wise to get into the middle of that, but then he looked at Margot again. Her eyes were full of fear and sorrow, and she looked like she'd burst to tears any second.

"Alright, let's go to my office." Kirk said. "Mr. Spock, the bridge is yours."

"Yes, Captain." the Vulcan replied, as Kirk followed Margot out of the door.

* * *

"So, what is it?" Kirk asked as soon as they'd gotten to his office, and the door was closed. "It is about Sulu, isn't it?"

"I…" Margot began, but then just collapsed on the couch and hid her face in her hands. There was sobbing, and her slender shoulders were shaking.

"Hey, it's alright." Kirk said, and sat down by her side. Hesitating, he placed his hand on her shoulder, and caressed it gently. "What's happened?"

But Margot didn't reply, she couldn't for she was truly crying now.

It left Kirk speechless for a while.

God, he hated it when girls cried! And Margot of all… he had never seen her cry before. She had always been a cheerful little creature, full of energy, life and laughter. She had never let him see this more vulnerable side of herself, and somehow he now felt he was intruding.

"Please, calm down." He said silently, still caressing her shoulder and back. "Can I get you something, a glass of water?"

"No, thank you, Jim." Margot sobbed, and wiped her nose on her sleeve. "I'm sorry, I-"

"Don't be. Just tell me what's going on."

She sat up, and slowly revealed her face for him to see. Pale skin, dark circles under her eyes, eyes that were red from crying. She was still shaking like a leaf in wind, and Kirk dared not to pull away his hand.

"Hikaru is in love with someone else." she breathed.

"No, that can't be true!" Kirk almost laughed. It was absurd! "There has to be a misunderstanding. I mean, he has you."

"It's true, Jim. I know it. And he spent the last night in her cabin, kissing her - and God knows what else."

"Who is this girl you're talking about?" Kirk still couldn't believe it. Damn, if it was true, Sulu was a stupid ass!

"Yoshiko Fujii." A faint whisper left her lips. "And don't look so surprised. You've seen how she's all over him, haven't you? I'm surprised he managed to resist the temptation this long."

"Ms. Fujii, as one of the missing scientists? The one we rescued from that moon, right?"

"The same." Margot looked down. "She's the one, Jim. The one Hikaru married on Skylar's reality."

"Oh." Kirk said. Now he got it. "Well, I'll be damned. That's a shitty coincidence."

"I don't believe in coincidences, Jim." Margot said, her voice full of sorrow and tears. "It is the destiny. They are meant to be."

"That's horseshit!" Kirk exclaimed.

But Margot had began to cry again, her shoulders shaking from her sobs, tears running down her pretty face. And suddenly it was more than he could take.

He pulled her closer, and wrapped his arm around her. Her head was now resting on his chest, and he caressed her hair, pulling his fingers gently through the red curls. Her tears soaked into his shirt, and he felt her warmth on his skin, her familiar scent of roses all around him.

"Shh, don't cry." He whispered, like talking to a scared child. "Don't cry. It'll be alright."

"Just hold me." she breathed, and wrapped her arms around him. "Oh, I'm so cold, Jim. Just hold me for a while."

He didn't answer, but just pulled her into his lap, so that their faces were very close to each other, her thighs on both sides of his hips. With his strong arms, he pulled her against his chest, and let her lean her head on his shoulder, wrapped his arms around her slender form.

Her whole body was shivering, and he just kept caressing her back, moving his fingers tenderly up and down her spine, feeling her sobs on his skin.

Slowly, after a very long time, she calmed down.

Kirk let his hands move to her hair, and gently he ran his fingers through her curls. She sat up, so that she could see him, and her beautiful face was just inches from his. There were tears in her lashes, like dew pearls on grass in the morning. He could feel her uneven breathing on his lips.

"How can I help you?" he breathed, and wiped the tears from her cheeks with his fingers.

There was an ocean of sadness in her eyes, and he just wanted to wash it away. Slowly, very tenderly, he pulled her closer, and placed a small, light kiss on her lips.

She breathed in sharply, and froze. But then, after only a few heartbeats, she answered the kiss. Desperately she pressed her breasts against his chest, inhaled the air from his mouth, and opened her lips for his tongue to enter.

Kirk groaned, and pulled her near. His hands slid under her shirt, found the warm, silky skin of her back. Oh, it felt so good! He had missed this like Hell. Her slender body on his lap, pressing on his hips, agonizingly. He felt her warmth, the pressure on his crotch, and the need to have her - right here, right now - filled his veins.

But just then, only after a few seconds, she pulled away.

"No, Jim." she breathed. "This is not what I came for."

"Yeah, I know." he managed to say. "I just… wanted to make you feel better."

"Thanks." A faint ghost of a smile passed on her lips. "But no thanks. This would be a very, very bad idea."

"I thought those were the thing you're famous for?"

"And I think I've had enough of those for a one lifetime."

"As you say." Kirk replied.

But he just couldn't take his hands away from her hips where they rested now - her gorgeous hips, that had always drove him mad of lust.

"Then why did you come?" He continued, letting his fingers aimlessly wander down on her thighs. He felt her shivering, as he slid his hands under her skirt. "What is it that you need from me?"

"I need to get out of here."

"Out of the Enterprise?"

"Yes, Jim." Margot looked him in the eye, all serious now. "You have to get me transferred. I cannot stay here. I can not make myself to look how Yoshiko step by step steals my husband, and my life. I can't bear to watch how I lose the only thing that's ever made me happy."

"So you need to leave?" Kirk asked, and raised an eyebrow. "And what if I dump that Yoshiko on some abandoned planet instead?"

Margot made a small laugh. "Or you could throw her out of the airlock?"

"I could." said Kirk, and grinned. "But I'm guessing that's not what you really want."

The little smile on her lips died, and she looked down. "No, it isn't, Jim. I want no harm to her. It is not her fault, that I am alive."

Kirk didn't answer. He gently caressed her thighs, slowly moving his hands up and down on her warm, silky skin. The taste of her mouth, of salt and tears, was still on his lips, and he had hard time thinking about anything else at all.

If he could only kiss her again. Kiss her, and…

Well, he'd been down that road already, and it had ended with him standing on the bridge, a katana on his neck. Kirk winced on the thought.

But then again, Sulu was in love with someone else now. Or so Margot said. Did this mean, that-

"Jim?" Margot said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah?" he asked, hoarsely.

"Can you get me transferred to someplace else?"

Kirk cleared his throat. "Yeah, I can try. I mean, we're in the middle of nowhere, but I can send some inquiries."

"Thank you. That's all I'm asking." she whispered, and leaned closer.

Her lips pressed on his, and for a short while he felt her breasts against his chest, her hardened nipples through the fabric. It was a small kiss, feather light, not a one of passion, but it left him hot and horny nevertheless. As she pulled away, and climbed off his lap, he groaned of desperation - but didn't try to stop her.

"Oh, Jim." Margot said, standing up. "You're one of a kind. I'll miss you."

"As I'll miss you." He replied, trying to calm down. There was an agonizing pressure in his pants, a hard-on he wasn't actually trying to hide.

Margot glanced at him, clearly noticing his situation, but still she walked away from him, to the window, and turned her back at him.

"I mean," she said, "that it is a pity that we never really got to know each other."

"What do you mean, that we didn't get to know each other?"

"Jim, there is so much more in you that meets the eye." She turned to look at him, all serious, stars in her eyes. "And the same thing goes for me. We are the same, Jim, you and me. We would've made a Hell of a couple."

"I agree." Kirk said, and finally managed to stand up. "We'd been awesome together."

"Unlike me and Hikaru." she breathed, looking into the space. "Our happily ever after was never meant to be. No matter how much I wanted it."

He walked to her, and gently placed his hand on her shoulder, let his fingers slowly move to her back. Her breathing was very fast, very shallow, and the look in her eyes was nervous. She stood very still, not trying to escape from his touch, but not bending towards him either.

Kirk took it as a sign, and pulled his hand away.

He cleared his throat, and took a step back.

"I'll see what I can do about that transfer, Margot." he finally said. "And I'll let you know as soon as I find something."

"Thank you, Jim." she breathed, and looked up to his eyes. "That's all I'm asking."

"I'll write you the best recommendations." he winked. "You've earned them."

"Oh, you're an ass." Margot laughed, which had been his intention.

"Just take care, will you?" he asked, as she walked to the door. "And if there's anything you need, anything at all… you know where to find me."

"Thanks, but I'll be fine." Margot said, as she pushed the button to open the door. "Believe it or not, I'll survive."

"I sure as Hell believe that." Kirk muttered to himself, as Margot's slender figure stepped out and the door closed after her.


	39. Dirty laundry

They were sitting on the mess hall, having dinner - Uhura, Skylar and Margot. Or more likely, Uhura and Skylar had dinner, and Margot stared at her plate and moved the food around with her fork.

"You might as well eat that, you know." Skylar stated after a while. "You need the food now."

Margot gave her a look. Uhura didn't know that she was pregnant, and that was the way Margot intended to keep it. The less people knew, the better.

"I'm not hungry." She stated, and pushed away her plate. "I'll grab a hot chocolate later."

Skylar glanced at her with her sternest "I'm a doctor and I know better" -look, and was just about to say something, as they noticed a small group of people entering the mess hall.

Margot felt how her face went pale, as Yoshiko walked in, laughing and carelessly chatting with her friends.

"Don't pay any attention to them." noted Uhura. "She's not worthy of your attention."

Margot gave her a grateful glance.

It had took some time to get to know Uhura -she wasn't one of those people who are easily approachable. But during these almost two years she had spent on the Enterprise, they had befriended.

It was the first time in her life she had a girlfriend, other than Skylar, Margot realized. (But of course, Skylar was more like a sister than a friend.) And she'd come to notice that Uhura's friendship was something that wasn't easily gained, but when you got it it was as constant as the Pole Star.

"Easier said than done." Margot muttered, as she watched how Yoshiko sat on the table next to theirs. She had grabbed a drink from the replicator, as had her friends, and they were chatting cheerfully. And once in a while Yoshiko's eyes travelled to Margot, gave her a glance of despise, and she whispered something to her friend's ear - something that was followed by a burst of laughter.

"I should just leave." Margot said, feeling suddenly nauseous.

"No!" said Skylar. "You haven't eaten yet!"

"And I'm not going to." Margot snapped. "For how could I, when just seeing her makes me sick."

But it was Uhura, who stood up, and walked to the other table.

"You're not welcome here." She said with a stern voice. "I suggest you find another place to enjoy your drinks."

"Oh, so that's the way it is in here." Yoshiko said, and stood up too. She ignored Uhura, and looked at Margot. "You like to do your dirty laundry in public?"

"It's you who started this, not me." Margot replied silently. "And I don't care if everyone in this room hears what you've done. I have nothing to be ashamed of, not this time."

Yoshiko made a small laugh, but her eyes were cruel.

"Neither do I. I fell in love - It's not a crime."

"Yes it is." Margot replied, now angered too, and stood up as well. "And it was stupid. Take it from someone who knows: never fall in love - nothing good comes out of it!"

"So, you do have a heart, I'm surprised. Based on the life you led back on the University days, I never would've believed."

Margot looked at her silently for a while. She was suddenly very aware of the fact that no one was chatting or laughing in the mess hall anymore. They were all looking at her, waiting for her reaction to Yoshiko's insultive words.

But she didn't care, not really. As she had said before, she had nothing to be ashamed of. It was a new feeling, a clear and beautiful one, despite the pain she felt.

"So, that's what this is about?" she asked. "A revenge of some kind? I thought you were my friend."

"We were never friends." Yoshiko snorted. "You were too busy fucking around, to have any."

"I've always had one." Margot breathed, her voice failing her. "The one, who has always been there for me, always. Even you can't take that away from me."

"If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have fallen for me."

"You know nothing of love!" Margot snapped. "You know nothing of the things we've been through!"

"I know that he has feelings for me."

"Yes, I know that too. But I know, what it is to really love someone, to love him like he's the air you breath. Like he's the holy wine in your blood. Like he's the other half of your soul, the rhythm of your heart, the essence of your being! It has nothing to do with you, or your pathetic little fling."

Margot had slowly walked towards her, and finishing her sentence, she was standing very near to Yoshiko. Her outburst had left everyone speechless, everyone but the one she had meant to shut up.

Apparently Yoshiko couldn't care less of her words. She made a small, sarcastic laugh, and shook her head.

"You can say what you want. It doesn't change what happened between us, or the fact that he's not that into you as you think."

That was it. Margot punched her smug face with her small fist, hard, and spitting blood to the floor Yoshiko didn't look that smug anymore.

"Fuck, you're a crazy bitch!" She screamed, and stepped back from her.

"Look who's talking." Margot hissed. "Whore."

"Enough!" said Uhura, but no one paid her any attention.

Margot knew well enough fights were forbidden on board of the Enterprise, but she couldn't have cared less. If she was kicked out of starfleet for kicking Yoshiko's ass, it would be well worth it.

"Oh, no, no." Yoshiko's eyes were storming. " _You_ don't get to call _me_ a whore. I know what you're like. That you've been sleeping around like a worst kind of slut since for ever. You want to know what we called you on the campus?"

"You want me to smack your pretty face again?" Margot raised an eyebrow.

"You can hit me all you want to. You still won't get to keep him."

Margot laughed out loud loud, bitterly. "Get to keep him? Seriously? You think this is about keeping him, like Hikaru is some kind of a pet you can put on a leash and make yours?"

"You hit my bloody nose, and you don't even care if stays with you?"

Yoshiko looked perplexed. For a smart scientist she was surprisingly stupid.

Margot just didn't get what Hikaru saw in that woman.

"Let me tell you something about love, Yoshiko." she said quietly, and let her fist fall down. "Real love. It's nothing like you'd think when you fall in love with someone, and all you can think is about having him. It's not about wanting someone for yourself. It's about wanting everything good and beautiful for the person you love. It's realizing that he's life is more important than mine, and what he needs, is more important than what I need. So, if Hikaru wants you, he can have you. I owe him my life, my heart, my soul and my sanity - everything. My only wish is, that he'd be happy - with or without me."

For a second or so no one said a thing.

Margot felt suddenly empty, and exhausted. It was as if she'd suffered from a blood loss - her head was spinning and she felt nauseous. But by God, she wouldn't let Yoshiko see that she was weakened by their argument!

She turned away, rubbing her aching knuckles, and walked back to her table, sat down, looking at her plate. She hardly noticed how Skylar and Uhura made sure that Yoshiko and her friends left the mess hall, and after a little while people began to talk again, the tense atmosphere breaking.

"Thanks." Margot said, as Uhura and Skylar sat down by her side. "For backing me up."

"It's fine." said Skylar. "Though it would be wise if you didn't get into fights now, considering your-"

"You really think Yoshiko could've kicked my ass?" Margot snorted. "Unlikely. She was no threat to me."

"Still." Skylar said. "Now, eat."

"What are you, my Mother?" Margot rolled her eyes, but did as she was told and picked up a forkful and forced herself to have it.

"Seriously." Margot said after a few moments. "He really married _her_?"

"She wasn't this bitchy then." Skylar shrugged. "This reality suits her ill."

"Obviously." Margot rolled her eyes. "It's about time I get out of here, though. If I have to see her smug face on more time, there's no knowing what I'll do."

Skylar didn't answer, but just gave her the look.

The look that said without words "You're an ass, Margot. You should just do as I tell you to." But when had she ever done so?


	40. Whisky and polygamy

"Where is she?" Sulu leaned on the door frame, and looked at Chekov with dark, haunted eyes. "She wasn't at Skylar's and all of her things are gone."

"She is not here." Chekov replied, and stepped aside so that Sulu could enter. "Come and take a look, if you want to."

"But she was here? I know she stayed with you."

He knew, alright. He had seen, how Margot had grabbed Chekov's arm on the hallway, and with her best puppy-eyes-look, asked if she could stay over. It had been enough to fill Sulu's heart with dark jealousy - a feeling he knew he had no right to feel, but that was nevertheless overwhelming.

"Yes, but only for a few nights."

"Did you…? I mean, did she-" he couldn't make himself to finish that sentence, but Chekov got his meaning nevertheless.

"God, no!" His cheeks blushed, and suddenly he looked very young. "Do you take me as that bad of a friend?"

"No, I'm sorry." Sulu shook his head, and looked down. "And it should be none of my business anyways. You are free to do as you wish, as is she. I'm the one who messed up."

"Well, there is nothing you need to worry about. I didn't even touch her." Chekov said, but his eyes were evasive. "Anyways, you won't find her here. She's gone."

"Gone?" Sulu stopped, in the middle of the floor. It was like a black hole was sucking him in. "What do you mean, gone?"

"That she has left. I am sorry, I said she should tell you, but she didn't want to." Chekov pulled something out of his pocket, and handed it to Sulu. "She left you this."

He took it, his hands shaking. It was a letter, an old fashioned paper letter, written in black ink. He unfold it hastily, and sat down on the couch to read it.

" _My love,_

 _I wrote probably a dozen versions of this letter. There were so many things I wanted to say, but now I see that only one of them matters, and it is this:_

 _I love you._

 _I want you to be happy. I want you to have the life that was meant for you. When I'm gone, there will be nothing holding you back. Free your heart of the burden of our love, and let it find that, what is your destiny._

 _Don't cry for me, darling. We both know I'm not worthy of your tears._

 _Yours,_

 _Margot."_

Sulu hid his head on his hands, let the darkness of his soul to swallow him.

Margot was gone. She was really gone.

This couldn't be happening. This just couldn't be.

"What does she say?" Chekov asked after a while.

"That she's leaving me." Sulu managed to reply, despite the lump of tears that made him feel like choking.

"I am sorry."

"But why?" Sulu asked, pain making his words shaky. "Why? I told her I wanted her, and no one else! I told her so, and it is the truth!"

"Well then, it would seem that you should improve your communication skills." Chekov stated. "For she seemed convinced that you are in love with Yoshiko. And so did Yoshiko by the way, when she boasted about it in the mess hall a few days ago."

"Oh, Lord." Sulu groaned, and closed his eyes.

What was it with these women?!

He had said to Yoshiko that he wanted nothing more to do with her. The result: she was telling everyone they were in love.

And he had told Margot he wanted her, and only her. The result: Margot had left him.

This was the worst mess he had ever been in, and it was a thousand times worse than any of the previous ones, for this one was all his fault, and he knew it.

But Margot was gone, and he could think of nothing else. He felt her absence as a hollow ache in his soul. It was unbearable to live without her, to go home to their quarters and see that she wasn't there. Her familiar scent of roses and green tea had begun to fade in their bed, and Sulu was afraid he soon wouldn't remember it anymore. The bed was too wide for him, the breakfast table huge for one person, and the rooms of their quarters unbearably silent without her constant chattering and laughter.

Yes, he had played with the idea of being together with Yoshiko. But now that he could, now that Margot was gone, he realized it had been no more than a day dream.

This was not what he had wanted.

If he lost Margot now, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. There would be no peace, no happiness for him, if he let her go.

"Tell me, Chekov, where is she?" he finally whispered.

"Honestly? I don't know."

"You swear?" he looked his friend in the eye.

"I do. She didn't tell me, so that I couldn't tell you."

Sulu gave a long sigh.

God damn this! There had to be a way to find her. To talk reason to her. To make her see, that nothing had changed between them, not really.

If only she hadn't ran away like this.

"Jim knows." he realized then, slowly opening his eyes.. "He's gotten her transferred."

"Yes, that would seem to be the case."

"I'm going to talk to him." Sulu stood up. "He'll have to tell me where she's gone."

"You sure that is a good idea?" Chekov said, nervous.

"Don't worry." Sulu gave a dark smile. "I'm not carrying my katana."

* * *

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you." Kirk's voice was stern.

"You can't or you don't want to?" Sulu stated, desperate now.

Kirk had invited them to his office, but that seemed to be all he was prepared to do for Sulu. No matter how much he pressed the issue, Kirk just wouldn't give in.

"Oh, I want to, alright." Kirk replied, frustrated. "But I gave her my word. A Captain's oath, to be precise."

"Damn you, Jim! Why would you do that!?"

"She's good at getting what she wants." Kirk shrugged. "You should know."

Yeah, Sulu knew, alright. He knew all the ways Margot could look at a man, and get exactly what she wanted out of them. And Jim had never been able to resist Margot. Sulu just hoped Margot had gotten her will with just her puppy eyes this time.

"You shouldn't have gotten her transferred." Sulu said silently, and sat down on a couch. "We could've worked this out, had she not ran away."

"Yes, I see that you are pissed, but really, Sulu, this time there is no one else you can blame, but yourself." Kirk was annoyed, and he didn't even try to hide it. "You messed up - Margot was yours, as you had always wanted, and what did you do? Go after another woman, and top of that you were dumb enough to admit it! Margot wanted out, and I can't blame her."

But Sulu had already buried his face in his hands again. He knew all Kirk said, was true, but still it sucked to hear it.

All the anger he had felt for Jim was suddenly gone, and he felt empty. Like there was the endless void of space in his heart.

"Yes, you are right." he finally answered. "I know the fault is mine."

"Well, actually." said Chekov. "I blame Nero for messing up the realities. You should blame Nero too, it helps. We can blame him for practically everything."

"Hear the kid out." chuckled Kirk. "And have a drink with me. There's nothing some good scottish won't fix."

"Hey, isn't that mine?" asked Chekov suspiciously, as Kirk pulled out a bottle from a cupboard.

"I swear I don't know what you're talking about." Kirk answered, and poured beverage on three glasses. "Go ahead," he said. "To messed up realities."

They enjoyed the whisky in silence for a while, emptying their glasses. It didn't take too long to feel the effects of the drink.

"You do know there used to be human cultures, where a man could have several wives?" Kirk asked. "Up to four, I hear."

"That is amazing!" said Chekov. "Think about that, Sulu. It would fix all your problems."

"That's not something to wish for." Sulu stated. "I'm telling you - the more people in a marriage, the bigger the mess."

"What's there not to like?" Chekov asked. "I mean: a wife in this room, a wife in that room, a wife in the room behind that room… And you could just pick the one you want to spend the night with!"

"Yes." said Sulu sarcastically. "Because I can totally see Margot and Yoshiko sharing a house and sharing me."

That made Kirk burst to laughter. "Oh, you do pick the feisty ones, Sulu."

"You should've seen," started Chekov, "the catfight they had on the mess hall the other night! Margot really showed her! You saw it Jim?"

"Oh, I saw it."

"Saw what?" asked Sulu, looking from Kirk to Chekov.

"Margot punched Yoshiko in the nose! Did no one tell you?"

"No, no one did." Sulu said bitterly, and gave a glance at Kirk. "Was she hurt?"

"Which one?" asked Chekov. "Yoshiko was spitting blood to the floor tiles, but Margot, well..."

"What about her?"

"You know." Chekov shrugged. "She was upset."

"I'd imagine so, if she hit her." Sulu answered. "Did she do it just like that, out of the blue?"

"There was an argument." Kirk said. "Your little Asian darling was the one who started it, you know."

"Don't call her that." Sulu snapped. "She's not my darling."

Kirk gave him a look that seemed to say 'You sure about that?', but out loud he only said: "Well, anyways, Margot didn't like to listen to her bullshit, so she gave this really nice speach… How did it go, Chekov? I can't remember."

"Oh, the one with the holy wine and true love and wanting pretty things for Sulu?"

"Yeah, yeah, that's the one." Kirk sipped his whisky. "It was really nice. You should've heard it, Sulu."

"Wine and pretty things?" Sulu stared at him. "You serious?"

"It sounded better coming from her." Kirk admitted. "Forget about it. The point was, that she talked very nice things about you and her love for you, and this… Yoshiko just laughed at her words."

"And so she punched her. In the face." Added Chekov.

"Yeah, a lot like when you punched me - you know, here." Kirk pointed at the side of his nose.

"Oh, memories." Sulu muttered. "It _did_ make me feel better."

Perhaps it was the whisky, or the company of his friends, but the hollow, pitch black darkness in his soul had begun to diminish.

He thought about Margot punching Yoshiko in the face. There was something uplifting about that image - the fact, that Margot actually cared enough to be jealous. And also, hearing about Yoshiko's kiss and tell habits, suddenly make him like her a lot less.

They savoured their whisky in silence for a while, all buried in their thoughts. Sulu thinking about Margot, Kirk - well who knew, what he was thinking - and Chekov, thinking about polygamous marriages.

"You know, apparently there were also some cultures where a woman could have more than one husband." Chekov said. "That's curious."

Sulu glanced at Kirk.

God damn it, he'd kill the man if he'd ever have to share a home with him, not mentioning a wife!

"Yeah." said Kirk, and looked at Sulu. "Well, that's an awkward thought. Let's never talk about that again."

"Yes. _Never_." Sulu got up from the couch, emptied his glass, and headed for the door. "Thanks for the whisky, Jim."

"No problem." Kirk said, and raised his glass.

But at the door Sulu stopped, and looked back at his friends.

The thought of returning to his empty cabin, where all the walls and every little detail reminded him of Margot, was terrifying.

"Jim." he said. "Will you… just please, tell me if you hear from her. Please."

"I promise." He gave him a reassuring glance. "I'm sure you'll see her again."


	41. Real issues

"You've been avoiding me." Skylar stated, and stepped into his cabin without waiting for an invitation.

"But… I thought you were angry with me!" he blurted out.

"Why would've I been angry with you?"

"For practically cheating on your best friend, making her want to leave the Enterprise so that we haven't seen her in a month?" Sulu looked at her, as if she was the stupid one, which somewhat amused Skylar.

"Oh, that." She said, and sat down on an armchair, picking up a cookie from the basket on the table. (Why did he have cookies anyways, she wondered? Did Sulu think they'd lure Margot back?). She took a bite, and finished it with no hurry.

"Why would I be mad about that?" she finally said. "It was all _my_ fault."

"Clarify, please." Sulu said, giving her a look. "How on Earth is it _your_ fault that I messed up my marriage?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Skylar asked.

"Call me stupid if you wish, but no, it isn't."

"Well, I never, ever should've told you, that in my reality you were married to someone else. And I shouldn't have told Margot that Yoshiko was the one you married - for it was clear she couldn't keep it from you." Skylar took another bite, and finished it with no rush. "Yeah, I figured I'd get into trouble for revealing secrets and messing up timeline, but I never thought it would come to _this_. The point is: it was my fault, and I am sorry. You probably never would've even looked at her, hadn't you known Yoshiko was the one."

"I don't know, Skylar." Sulu said, and gave a sigh, rubbing his forehead. "I'm still not quite sure what really happened. But I did like Yoshiko, even before I heard that she could've been my wife."

"Liked?" Skylar raised an eyebrow. "As in past tense?"

"Of course!" Sulu snorted. "Nothing has happened between us since that one kiss. I haven't even talked to her in weeks."

"Why?" asked Skylar. "What cleared your head?"

"The fact that I want my wife back." Sulu stated. "Besides… Yoshiko is pregnant."

"WHAT?!" Skylar exclaimed, and almost fell off the chair.

Sulu couldn't help but to laugh on the look on her face.

"Don't worry, it's not mine." he chuckled. "I never had sex with her, you know."

"You sure about that?" She stood up, trying desperately to wrap her thoughts around Sulu's words. "Then whose baby is it, and what the Hell is going on in here?!"

"Well, apparently Yoshiko had been going out with some scientist guy for a while, and she was already pregnant when she met me." Sulu sighed. "She just didn't know that. But now that she knows… She left the Enterprise yesterday. I don't know where she went, or how is she going to raise up the child - and I don't care. It's none of my business."

"Wow." Muttered Skylar, shaking her head slowly, letting the new information to sink in. "This really is one fucked up timeline.

"I'm sorry?"

"Ah, nothing." Skylar muttered, and remembered the cookie she was still holding. She took a bite, and sat back down, finishing the treat slowly.

Well, wasn't this a curious turn of events? Yoshiko was pregnant, and not by Sulu. That was wonderful news! There couldn't have been a more efficient way to put an end to his infatuation with her.

And on the other hand, Margot was expecting Sulu's baby - a thing he didn't know yet, but Margot would have to reveal it to him at some point. Skylar was going to make sure she did, for she knew for sure that Sulu would love that news.

"Skylar?" Sulu's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Have you heard anything, from Margot?"

"I have - she calls. She's fine."

"Is that all you can tell me?" Sulu's voice was tense, and Skylar heard the desperation under the surface. The look in his dark, beautiful eyes was haunted.

"She made me promise not to tell you anything."

"Has she been eating?" Sulu breathed, silently. "Can she sleep? I'm worried, Skylar. She always has nightmares, I know. I keep waking up at nights now too, to calm her, to sooth her back to sleep… just to see that she's gone."

Skylar was silent for a while, trying to figure out what to say. Damn that Margot for being a stubborn ass, and running away!

"She eats." Skylar finally said, shrugging. "And sleeps. At least enough to keep her going."

It was true, sort of. As Margot's doctor Skylar knew well enough, that she had been suffering from a severe case of pregnancy nausea, vomiting practically all the time - but eating helped, so she did eat.

"Good." Sulu seemed relieved to hear even this little piece of information. "I have been so worried for her."

"I know. It suck's that she left." Skylar said, from her heart.

"You know what's the worst part?" he looked her in the eye, his eyes all dark. "It's not that I lost her. That I deserve, I know. It's the fact that I know she must be suffering. I… I broke her trust. Her heart."

He was silent for a while, clearly having hard time to speak. His voice was thin and stretched when he finally continued.

"How could I do that to her, Skylar? I broke her. I destroyed her. I-"

"Enough with the self pity." Skylar snapped. "It's not going to do you any good. And it's not helping her either."

"Then what can I do?" He breathed. "Tell me - what can I do to help her?"

"Well, the suffering part might actually help, so I can tell her you're roaming the halls weeping, and that you keep the whole ship awake in the night by crying after her."

"You're making fun of me." Sulu stated, but there was a small smile in the corner of his mouth.

"Just a little."

"But you still aren't going to tell me where she is?"

"You know I can't do that."

"Not even if I used the friend card?"

Skylar made a small laugh. "Still no. But I am sorry, Sulu."

He closed his eyes, and hid his face in his hands. Skylar saw how he took a deep breath, trying to calm down. But still his voice was shaky when he spoke again:

"I miss her so much. All the time."

"I know."

"Tell it to her when she calls you the next time, will you?" He raised his pleading eyes to Skylar. "Tell her that it's all over with Yoshiko. Tell her, that I am sorry, and that I only want her. I love her. Please, would you tell her that for me?"

"I'm not sure if she want's to hear that."

"What do you mean?" His voice was frightened. "I know she must be mad at me, but-"

"She's not mad at you, she never was." Skylar interrupted. "She was heartbroken. And scared."

"And that's why you need to tell her what I said. That I'm sorry..." His voice failed him, and he hid his face again. His shoulders were shaking, and Skylar really, really hoped he wouldn't cry. She hated it when men cried. Nervous, she waited for him to put himself back together, and finally he calmed down, taking a deep breath.

"Skylar, please, just tell me something about her. How is she, really? Is there… someone else?"

Skylar thought about Margot's pregnancy - the growing baby belly, that certainly kept other guys on an arm's length away. She frowned - yeah, there really was a new person in Margot's life, but certainly not the way Sulu feared.

"You're not jealous, are you?" she asked.

"I am." Sulu admitted. "Margot is my wife. It would kill me if she had someone. But it would serve me right, I know. I've practically thrown her to some lucky guy's arms. She's always had the habit of seeking comfort from men, so why would this time be any different?"

"Well, you can be at ease. As far as I know, she's not seeing anyone - nor is she sleeping with anyone. But you didn't hear this from me! She'll kill me if she ever finds out I've been gossiping."

Skylar stood up from the chair. She had said enough - actually more than enough. It would be wise to leave before she'd let any more secrets slip.

"Skylar, tell me - is there still hope for me?"

"I am sure there is."

"But when?" he kept persisting. "For how long will this go on? Every day without her feels like a year, and I'm losing my mind here. When will she speak to me?"

"I'm sorry, but I do not know. Just don't give up hope: I'm sure it can't be that long anymore."

Skylar hoped to God she could just tell him the truth. All of this suffering was unnecessary: Sulu wanted Margot, and Margot wanted Sulu - and they were going to have a baby together! And still they were both crying their eyes out, and suffering beyond reason.

Humans, and their petty problems! No matter how many lifetimes she lived, she'd never learn to understand. At least _she_ had real issues, compared to these.


	42. No tropical island

"Captain, we are being hailed from the research station on the surface."

"Put it through." Kirk's voice answered Uhura's notification.

Sulu looked up from the controls, to see the shimmering ice planet they were orbiting. It was Exo III, he knew. They had taken the course here the previous day, after a mysterious message Kirk had received - and declined to share its information with the crew.

Sulu was curious - as far as he knew, there was no reason for the Enterprise to come all the way here.

But as soon as the person hailing them appeared on the screen, Sulu knew exactly why they were here.

"Hello, Captain Kirk. It's been a while."

There was an impish grin on Margot's pretty face, and the spark of her green eyes made Sulu's heart leap.

God, it had been six months.

Six agonizing months, full of despair, longing and desperate hope to see her again. The longest six months of his life - and by God, they had felt like an eternity.

"Lieutenant de la Faye." Kirk replied, with a wide smile. "I't great to see you again. How are things?"

"Everything is just awesome." Margot smiled, but Sulu could always tell when she lied. "But what about the Enterprise? Has Scotty kept things from falling apart? I trust you've taken care of the crew, Jim, by not ordering anyone on some insane, life-threatening away-missions?"

"Everything is pretty much the same as it was six months ago." Kirk replied and laughed. "Hardly any insane away-missions, which is actually a shame. You should join us on some."

Margot laughed. "Sure thing, Captain. But only if you promise to make sure I'm not sucked into the space again."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." Kirk made a face. "Let's not do that again."

But Margot had already turned her gaze to Chekov, and she gave him one of her most charming smiles - a one that was enough to make any guy lose their balance.

"Oh, Pavel, my darling." she chirped. "How are you?"

"I am fine, thank you." the young Russian answered. "And you?"

"Oh, just perfect. You're not holding a grudge on me, are you? I feel bad about the last time, the way I used your... hospitality, I hope you can forgive me."

"Please, it is fine." Chekov replied, blushing slightly - a thing that didn't go unnoticed by Sulu. He glanced from Chekov to Margot, and back. Was there something going on, or was it just his imagination?

"But I must say, we have missed you." Chekov continued, and Sulu let the thought go. "The karaoke nights just aren't the same without you."

"Oh, I have missed them too!" Margot laughed. "No one here sings, can you imagine? This place isn't very interesting, to be honest - it's like they don't have a word 'party' on their vocabulary. You could've picked a livelier place for me, Jim."

"I wouldn't complain, if I was you." Kirk noted. "You should be glad I managed to find any place for you on such a short notice. Besides, I thought you liked science."

Margot made a melodramatic sigh and rolled her eyes. "I might have enjoyed it a bit more, if it wasn't a damn ice planet. It's fricking -103 degrees outside! I am sick and tired of using super-thick protective gear every time I go out. Doesn't the Federation have any research stations on tropical islands? Somewhere with palm trees, beaches and drinks that have little umbrellas on them?"

"Science is about sacrifice, is it not?" Kirk chuckled. "Besides, I thought we had already invented frost-resistant spandex."

"Well, I don't know about that." Margot said, and her eyes were suddenly serious. "But I swear that I've never been this cold in my life."

Sulu felt a sting of guilt in his heart.

He knew what she was like - that she was always cold. On the nights her small, shivering body had always snuggled up as close to him as possible, and she had begged for him to hold her in his arms, to keep her warm.

And now she had been on an ice planet for six months, without him.

No wonder she looked tired. Sulu noticed now, that behind her radiant smile and blushing cheeks, she seemed fragile and vulnerable. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her skin was very pale - almost transparent. He couldn't see her body, as the image was displayed only from the shoulders up, but her neck and the line of her jaw were very thin, and it made him nervous.

"Lieutenant de la Faye." Kirk's voice interrupted Sulu's thoughts. "The Enterprise has arrived here on your call, and I think everyone on board would like to know how we can be of assistance. Have you decided whether you want to return to your duties here, or if you'd rather stay on the Exo III? I believe that I speak for the entire crew, when I say that we'd be more than happy to have you among us again."

"Well, Captain… it depends."

"On what?" Kirk asked.

And for the first time, she looked at Sulu. "On the fact if you'd let your helmsman to come for a visit."

"Mr. Sulu, are you interested on a visit to the ice planet?" Kirk asked on a neutral tone, but Sulu felt as all the eyes on the bridge turned to him.

He stood up, to face Kirk. "If I have your permission, Sir."

"Permission granted."

He turned to look at Margot, suddenly too nervous to speak. The longing in her eyes cut right through his chest like a knife, and it took his breath away.

"Hikaru." She said on a soft, oh so familiar, voice. "Tell Scotty to beam you down here. And make sure he aims well - it's pretty damn cold outdoors."


	43. We're not broken, just bent

" _It's in the stars,_

 _It's been written in the scars on our hearts,_

 _We're not broken just bent,_

 _And we can learn to love again"_

 _-P!nk_

* * *

About half an hour later Sulu stood on the door of Margot's cabin, trying to find the courage to press the doorbell.

She hadn't come to meet him to the transporter room, and he wasn't sure what it meant, or if it meant anything at all. It seemed that he wasn't really sure about anything at the moment - not even of the reason he was here in the first place.

What was it that Margot wanted to tell him, that was important enough to call the Enterprise here? Was this the end, or a new beginning? Was he here to sign the divorce papers, or to take his wife back to the Enterprise with him.

Only one way to find out.

He took a deep breath, and raised his hand to press the button.

"Come in." the familiar, soft voice said, and the door opened.

Sulu stepped into a room, but it was empty. Margot was nowhere to be seen. He looked around, confused, to notice that the small room was decorated for a tea ceremony. There were real flowers, arranged on the chabana style, and their scent filled the room. A few scrolls with Japanese writing hang on the wall, and Sulu recognized them as the ones his mother had given to Margot as a present years ago. The most precious of them, hanging on the opposite wall, had just four words, painted on black ink: harmony, respect, purity, tranquility.

Margot had always loved that scroll, and Sulu didn't think it was a coincidence that she'd put it on now. It was a reminder to both of them, of how to treat each other now, after the long separation.

He inhaled, and tried to reach the tranquility that was needed, but was failing miserably.

And just then the door leading to the other rooms opened, and Margot stepped in.

She was breathtakingly beautiful, wearing a white and black yukata, her hair pulled back and decorated with flowers. Her face was pale, her green eyes wide - and she was pregnant.

The sight took Sulu's breath away. His knees went weak.

Margot's delicate form was as slender as it had always been, but her tight, slightly sunken abdomen was transformed completely - now her belly was beautifully rounded and rather large. It looked exactly as if she was hiding a basketball under her yukata.

"You-" Sulu gulped, his voice failing him. "You are-"

"Pregnant?" Margot gave a small smile. "Yes, I am. Well spotted."

"Is it... ?"

"Don't you dare to ask if it yours." Margot breathed. "Of course it is. I have been faithful to you."

Sulu looked up from her abdomen to her face. It was so pale, she looked so vulnerable. He forgot everything, the tea ceremony, the flowers, the decorations - all of it. He slowly walked to her, his knees weak, his head spinning.

He stopped just a few feet from her, close enough to feel her scent in the air, to hear her uneven, nervous breathing.

"Can I… touch it?" he whispered.

"Sure." Margot said, and took his hand, placing it gently on the side of her belly.

It felt warm, hard and tight under his palm, unlike anything he had ever felt. And then, after a few seconds, something moved under his touch.

Sulu gasped, and almost scared, pulled his hand away.

"Was it… the baby?"

"Yeah, that's her. Your daughter, Hikaru."

"My daughter?" he suddenly felt tears in his eyes, tasted them on his mouth. "It's a girl?"

"So they tell me." Margot breathed, and there was a smallest of smiles on the corner of her mouth. "But now, please let me prepare a cup of tea for you. Tea and tranquility - for I think you might need some."

"Yes, you are right. Thank you." He nodded, and turned his gaze from her eyes back at her belly.

There was a baby.

His baby.

He was going to be a father.

Suddenly his head felt dizzy, and he was grateful he could sit down on the tatami, and be silent for a while.

He let his gaze follow Margot's graceful moves as she began to prepare the ceremony in silence. Her wrists were as thin as they had always been, and her neck was still swanlike. But her abdomen - God, Sulu just couldn't stop looking at it.

As Margot was kneeling on the floor, the belly reached almost to her knees. And he could see, that it caused her discomfort - no matter how hard she was trying to hide it under a mask of calmness.

No wonder she'd seemed tired, Sulu thought. 'I should've been here for her.' the thought hit him. 'I should've been here to help her though this.'

But then again - it had been Margot to want this separation, not him.

It had been her will to leave. To keep the baby a secret.

That thought suddenly brought bitter taste to his mouth, and he looked away from her.

He knew now why she had gone through all the trouble of organizing a tea ceremony. To give him time to go through these emotions before they started talking.

She bowed, and offered him the small rice treats.

He bowed, and thanked, tasted them politely while watching as she boiled the water and prepared all the necessary equipment.

Tranquility, he thought.

But instead there was anger in his heart. Anger, and remorse, love and longing, amazement and fear. It all caused his head to spin and his chest to ache, and he was grateful that he didn't have to speak just yet.

In silence he watched as Margot mixed the green matcha powder and water with a bamboo whisk, her movements skilled and well practiced. There was comfort in that sight, that slowly settled in his heart. It made him think about home - of San Fransisco, their childhood and his mother. Practicing tea ceremony was something Margot had learnt from her. And now they were to have a daughter - would Margot teach this tradition to her when she grew up?

Their eyes met, when she offered him the cup, but quickly she bowed and her cheeks flushed.

She was nervous too, he realized. She too needed this moment of calmness before they'd talk.

The silence in the room was not uncomfortable, nor awkward. It was filled with small sounds of her movements, of the water and the whisk, of the snowstorm that raged outdoors and made the window creak. It was a silence of small voices, of her breathing, of the silk of her yukata whispering when she moved. And of his heartbeat, humming in his ears as he watched her.

And as the time passed, he calmed down. After two cups of tea and almost an hour of comforting routines of the ceremony, they were done, and Margot bowed as a sign that he could get up, and move to the next room.

It was her bedroom, he noticed as they walked in, and she closed the door, hiding the tea room from sight. She walked to him, slowly, hesitatingly, and took his hands.

"Why am I here?" he asked, the question that had weighed on his heart. "Why did you ask for me?"

"To tell you about the baby." She breathed, and pulled his hand gently on her belly.

There it was, the movement of his child again, under his fingers. But he pulled his hand away, and stepped farther away from her.

"Did you know? When you left me - did you know already that you were pregnant with my child?" His voice was thin, no more than a ghost of a whisper.

"I did."

"How could you, Margot?" Sulu tried hard to keep his voice calm. "How could you keep this from me, knowing how much it would mean to me? You had no right to do that."

"And you had no right to break my heart." she breathed, and her eyes were suddenly dark.

So much for tranquility.

"So this was a revenge?" he asked. "Well, it worked. I'm in pieces."

Margot was silent for a long time. She wrapped her hands around her abdomen, a gesture of protection, that had something so pure in it that it left Sulu breathless. But she walked to the window, not to him, and silently she stared at the blizzard for a long while, before she spoke again.

"Is that all you have to say to me, Hikaru?" her voice was soft and silent. "After six months of unbearable heartache and loneliness - this is it?"

"I am sorry." he replied. "But I need an explanation. We promised to always be honest with each other - and yet you kept this a secret. It is not a small deal to me."

"And I am sorry that I hurt you. But what I did, I didn't do to have revenge, Hikaru." She turned around so that he could see her face. "After the night you told me about… her, I was in ruins. All my life had been stolen from me. I had nothing left, no heart, no soul. And then I found out that I was pregnant with your child. It was unbearable. I couldn't think straight, with her on my face, with you on the same ship. So I left - to have the peace to resolve what to do about this." She placed her hands on her abdomen. "And also I left to give you time to think. I wanted for you to make up your mind, based on how you feel - not on the fact that I was pregnant."

"I had already made up my mind, Margot." he whispered silently. "The night I told you about her, I had already decided that I want you."

"That's a lie, my darling. She was still in your heart then."

"She was never in my heart. Not like you."

"But she was in your arms." and suddenly there were tears in her eyes, and they fell to her cheeks. "You kissed her, and you let her touch you, you let her kiss you as if she was your wife too."

It was unbearable to see her tears, to see the pain he had caused. And suddenly he realized why had Margot called - the reason he was here.

He walked to her, slowly, and took her hands. He fell to his knees in front of her, and looked up to her teary eyes.

"I am sorry." He breathed, his voice suddenly thick with emotion. "I apologize for hurting you. There is no excuse for my behaviour, but still I ask - please, please forgive me."

She was silent for a heartbeat or so, letting him wait, his heart aching.

"Of course I'll forgive you." She finally whispered. "As you have forgiven me for all the stupid messes I've caused. Now, get up - you make me feel like a fool."

He stood up, and unable to say a word, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

Oh, the way her body pressed against him! He inhaled her breath, opened her lips with his, and let his tongue enter to taste the insides of her mouth.

She gasped, as he pulled his fingers through her hair, and kissed her hard and deep.

Breathing fast now, she finally pulled away, and looked at him in the eye, the pupils of her green eyes dilated.

"So it is really over with her?"

"Yeah, it is."

"And she left the Enterprise? Pregnant with someone else's baby?"

"Skylar told you, huh?" Sulu asked, still holding Margot near, still caressing her hair.

"She did." Margot replied. "So… there is no chance that her baby might be yours?"

"No, no chance. I swear, Margot: I never had sex with her."

"Okay." she breathed, and pulled him to another kiss. "I believe you."

But he couldn't speak any more. Her lips on his were heavenly, and the fire they lit inside of his veins, was fierce, making him feel hot all over. How much had he missed this! Day and night, all he could think of, had been this - Margot in his arms, her lips on his own.

"I love you!" he groaned into the kiss, pulling her delicate form in his arms. His hands were shaking, and his voice thick with emotion: "I thought I'd lose my mind… Never leave me again!"

"Stop talking!" she breathed, and her fingers were on the waistband of his trousers, pulling up his shirt.

He gasped, as he felt her cool fingers on the skin of his abdomen. God - her touch on him felt so good! He wanted nothing more than to rip off her yukata, and have her right now, and from the way she touched him, he knew she wanted it too.

But he forced himself to calm down, to take a deep breath. Caressing gently her shoulder, he breathed into her ear: "I want to make love to you."

She smiled, like a vixen, on a way that took his breath away.

"Then what's stopping you?"

And suddenly he felt embarrassed, like it was his first time. "Is it okay..? I mean, your situation-"

"Skylar said it's fine as long as I feel fine." Margot made a small laugh, and reached to kiss him. "But the Enterprise is waiting for us. We should probably get back there first."

"To Hell with the Enterprise." Sulu groaned, and pulled Margot into his arms, ripping open her yukata. "Let them wait."


	44. Universe correcting itself

"Oh, it's wonderful to see you, Skylar!" Margot wrapped her arms around her friend, and squeezed tightly. "I missed you!"

"As I missed you. How are you?"

"Very pregnant." Margot laughed, and let go of Skylar, taking a step back.

It wasn't until then, that she noticed Kirk, who had also arrived to greet her in the shuttlebay - and he was staring at her abdomen, like he'd never seen one before.

"You're-" Kirk stammered. "You-"

Margot couldn't help but to laugh at the look in his face. "Pregnant? Yes, I am. And no, it's not yours, in case you were wondering. By God, do you know anything about biology, Jim?"

"Hardly." Kirk admitted, clearly relieved. "But hey, congratulations, Margot. That's… great." He offered his hand to Sulu. "So, you're the father, I take it? Congratulations, man. That's awesome."

"Thanks, Jim." Sulu smiled, and pulled Margot closer, on a very protective way.

Margot gave him a small smile. So, he was still jealous of her, she realized. It was kind of cute.

"So, that's going to be the first baby on the board of Enterprise." Kirk stated, with a rather smug smile. "I trust you'll name him after me."

"Jim." said Margot.

"Yeah?"

"It's a girl. I'm sure you don't want us naming our daughter James."

"Or Tiberius." noted Sulu. "That's the worst name ever."

"Well…" Kirk shrugged. "You could name her Jim…ona?"

"Jimona?" Margot stated. "Seriously?"

"And I thought Tiberius was bad." muttered Sulu.

"Hey!" Exclaimed Kirk. "What's wrong with Tiberius?"

"Nothing." said Margot. "I always thought it was a perky name."

"Perky?" Skylar raised an eyebrow. "It's a name of an Emperor, you know."

"Well, thank you." grinned Kirk. "But anyways, your little Jimona-"

"We're NOT calling her Jimona!" Margot punched Kirk on the arm (but not too hard.)

"- will be the first child to ever be born on this ship. It's an occasion." Kirk finished. "Makes you wonder, huh?"

"It does." Margot replied. "But this place is already the only real home I ever had, and you guys are my family - so maybe it is time to have a kid too."

"About that." Skylar said. "I don't trust those so called doctors on the Exo III a bit. You're coming with me to the sick bay right now, for a medical check."

"Wow, it's like I've never heard that before." Margot rolled her eyes. "Do I really have to?"

"Yes!" Skylar and Sulu both exclaimed.

"I'm not getting into middle of this." said Kirk, stepping back. "But in my experience, it's wise to do as the doctor says."

"Oh, all right." Margot snorted. "But let this be the last time you gang up on me. I thought we were supposed to be a family."

"A family, huh?" Skylar raised an eyebrow. "Then I have all the right in the world, to act like you mother. Come on, already - the sooner we get there, the sooner it's over."

* * *

A few hours later Margot and Sulu lay on the bed, naked. She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he wrapped his arm around her slender form. It was their own bed, on the Enterprise, on the cabin they had shared as a married couple, and on which Sulu had spent the last six months alone.

The happiness in his chest was like an ocean of sunshine. This is how they belonged. Together. Forever.

He'd never, ever let her go again. Not in a million years.

They had just made love, and he felt her touch on his skin, her kisses on his lips, and he felt divinely relaxed from head to toe.

Making love to her… well, it was different than it had been, but no less amazing. After the separation of six months, he just couldn't get enough of her.

"So… what made you change your mind?" he asked, after a long while of content happiness.

"What do you mean?"

"About having children."

"Oh…" she shrugged. "Becoming pregnant, I guess."

"Just like that?" Sulu laughed. "I should've gotten you pregnant a long time ago."

"It wasn't that simple." she said. "At first I was terrified. But then, I just couldn't make myself to abort it. It simply didn't feel right."

They were silent for a while, he turned on his side, to see her face, and placed a small kiss on her lips. Gently he moved his hand on her belly, caressed it's silky skin.

It was mindblowing to think, that right under his fingers, a new life was forming. His child. His daughter.

He could feel the baby moving under the skin, and it was the weirdest feeling in the world. Awesome, but also scary. He could clearly see the shape of the baby's foot as it kicked inside of Margot's body, making the skin stretch.

Margot winced, and placed her hand on the baby's back, rubbing it gently through her abdomen.

"Don't do that, darling." she whispered to the baby. "I know there isn't much room, but you need to hang on for a few weeks still."

"Does it hurt?" Sulu asked, turning his gaze to her eyes.

"Yeah, sometimes." she made a small smile. "Depends where she's kicking."

"I can't even imagine how that feels." he began to caress her abdomen tenderly again. "To have another person growing inside of you. It must be really weird."

"I've gotten used to it." Margot whispered. "It is kinda nice, to know I'm never really alone now."

Sulu was silent for a while, letting his gaze rest on the baby bump, feeling the ongoing movements under his palm.

"God, I'm so glad you didn't abort." He whispered finally. "This is the greatest gift you could've given me."

"A gift, huh?" Margot replied. "You know… I was going to end it, but then I began to think. You had a child on the other reality. And now I was pregnant. It shouldn't have been possible - with my past, and the hormone chip, and still - there I was, expecting your child. The thought occurred to me, that it had happened for a reason. That the baby growing inside of me, was not an accident, but the universe trying to correct itself. To undo some of the mess Nero caused."

Sulu pondered on her words for a few heartbeats. He wasn't sure what was going on with her - as far as he knew, she'd never been a believer.

"But Skylar said there is no plan, no meant to be."

"She's no god - what does she know?" Margot shrugged. "Perhaps there _is_ something bigger than any of us, and it's trying to make sure you get to have a kid."

Sulu laughed. "I'm hardly that interesting or important."

"You do have awesome genes." Margot smiled, and placed a small kiss on his lips. "I still don't know how I got a guy like you."

"Don't talk like that." he answered, suddenly serious. "Like you don't deserve me. You're the sun on my sky. Without you I had nothing. You hear me - nothing."

He pulled her near, and kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her cheekbones… every precious detail of her face. And finally he let his lips find her mouth, and she gasped when he kissed her.

The kiss lingered on for a long time, and when he finally pulled back, her breathing was shallow and her eyes wide.

But when she spoke, her words were not what he'd expected.

"I was so scared." she breathed, her voice a thin ghost of a whisper. "I thought I could do this alone. But I can't. I don't want to. I don't want to do a thing without you."

"Don't be scared." he caressed her hair, her shoulders, tenderly pulling her close. "You don't have to this alone. I'm here, and I'm never letting you go."

"You don't understand." her voice was full of sorrow, and it cut through his heart. He pulled back to see her face, her eyes that had tears in them.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm still scared, and not because I'd thingk that you'll leave me. I'm scared of dying. I'm sure I'm going to die, Hikaru." Margot said, almost sobbed, and he saw in her eyes, that the fear was real.

"That's not going to happen!" Sulu stated firmly. "Why would you think that?"

"Because the universe is correcting itself. Don't you see? Soon you'll have a daughter, as it was meant to be. And I will die, as it was meant to be."

"No, you're wrong." Sulu looked her in the eye. "You will not die. You hear me? There is no plan, there is no destiny, and even if there was, I would still not let you die. That simply is not going to happen, not on my watch."

"You can say what you want, but it won't change this. You can't always be there for me."

"You're not making any sense, Margot." Sulu sighed. "There is no reason to fear for your health. You're not going to die - you're having a child. You know, people do it all the time."

"Yeah, and they used to die doing that, all the time."

"It's not the Middle Ages anymore." He gave her a small, reassuring smile. "I'm sure there is nothing to worry about. What does Skylar say?"

"That they won't beam the baby out, no matter how much I beg." Margot muttered, and rolled her eyes.

"You asked if they'd beam our child out of you?!" Sulu couldn't help but to laugh. "Seriously?"

"Well, I sure as Hell prefer that to the traditional way! I mean, they beam us all over the universe all the time - what's so hard about beaming this kiddo out of my womb?" She placed her hands on her abdomen, and made a face. "But according to Skylar 'There are too many things that could go wrong.' As if there aren't any things that could go wrong in pushing a person out of my vagina."

Sulu grimaced. That wasn't really a pleasant thought.

"I'll be there for you. You won't have to do it alone." He assured.

Yeah, he'd help her through it, sure. But he really, really hoped he wouldn't have to see the details of what she had just described.

But Margot didn't say anything, and Sulu could see she was buried in her thoughts, swept away from him by a current of some deep, hidden emotion, that shadowed her face.

"I wish my mother was alive." she finally said, on a faint, silent voice.

That took him by surprise. As far as Sulu remembered, Margot had never talked about her mother. She didn't have one, that was all he knew.

He didn't know what to say. He placed gently his hand on her belly, and after a heartbeat or so, she lay her fingers on his, and gripped them tight.

"I don't think about her often, you know." she continued. "After all, I never knew her. And my dad… well, he didn't want to remember her. It was too painful."

"What happened to her?"

Margot gave him a curious glance, bit her lip and looked down.

"She died, giving birth to me."


	45. Epilogue

The baby was born on starry night, on an uncharted sector of the galaxy.

It was a beautiful baby, and a calm one. With eyes dark as the space, she looked at Skylar, as she washed her, and wrapped her in a blanket. The mysterious wisdom in a newborn's eyes was something Skylar never got used to - it was as mesmerizing every time, lifetime after a lifetime. That look in the baby's eyes, almost like a memory of another life, like a reflection of another, hidden reality. It would soon be gone, in a few days, when she'd get rooted in this world.

Skylar shook her head. She must be getting old - there was something in her eyes, and she had to blink a few times before she could turn around and face the new parents.

"Here she is." she said, handing the small human being to Margot. "All cleaned up."

"Oh, I missed her already." Margot breathed, and reached to get her child back on her arms.

Yup. She was a mother already, as newborn as her child, but nevertheless complete. Skylar knew she'd do just fine - with Sulu by her side.

"Will you be the godmother, Skylar?" Sulu asked, silently.

She had heard that before. The strangest feeling washed over her.

"Of course. It's an honor." she replied. "Have you decided on the name already?"

"No, not yet." Margot said. "But we'll have to do it soon."

Skylar was silent for a moment, feeling the weight of the universe on her shoulders. Should she, or shouldn't she? But watching as Sulu picked up his daughter into his arms, tears of joy and happiness in his eyes, Skylar made up her mind.

"How about Demora?" she suggested.

"Demora?" Sulu asked. "Where did that come from?"

Skylar shrugged. "I just like the sound of it."

"Demora Sulu." Margot whispered. "Welcome to this world. Live long and prosper."

* * *

 **...and they lived happily ever after! (until the next crisis)**

 **Thank you all, for reading this story. It makes me a bit sad to have to finish it, for I have truly enjoyed writing, and sharing it with you, but all good things must come to an end.**

 **Please, leave a review and let me know what you thought of Margot and Sulu.**

 **Live long and prosper!**


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